• Thursday, February 23 11:47 a.m. When the friendly, friendly man called on the phone offering a free $100 Wal-Mart gift card, this dubious incentive was all the woman needed to get out her credit card and recite the numbers. Everything was going great with the scam, at least for Captain Scammypants on the phone, when the issue of a monthly “subscription fee” came up. The woman told the nice man that she didn’t want to pay it, and – the noive! – he hung up on her. At this point she had an overdue spasm of sensibility, gave up on the cherished dream of a hundred-dollar shopping spree at Wal-Mart, canceled the card and called police.
1:13 p.m. A man loaned his silver Specialized mountain bike to a friend, who left it – locked up, he insisted – across the street from an historic Plaza storehouse on the Plaza. It was stolen, and the owner didn’t have the serial number. Oddly, the lock was still intact on the pole to which the bike had been secured.
2:34 p.m. Someone rented a $600 tuxedo from a Plaza shop last November, and never returned it.
• Friday, February 24 2:30 p.m. A woman said burglars having removed the screen from her window, entered her apartment and stole a jewelry box and all of her mother’s medication. The mother told the daughter that she didn’t want police help and was sick over the loss of her property, so the daughter was to take her to the hospital.
2:40 p.m. If you aren’t going to make the slightest effort to conceal your multi-galoot, open-air pot party and toke up right there at the bank, expect imminent, buzzkillian bringdown by citations and arrests.
3:12 a.m. A bearded man with an overcoat was reported with unspecified “property” near a building in the 1300 block of Ninth Street. His appearance coincided with porn and trash being left around the building’s grounds ovcr the past week.
5:40 p.m. Two alleged shoplifters were arrested at a Uniontown supermarket, each suspected of taking an item valued at $19.99.
6:51 p.m. There was more fistfighting than usual going on in the the deli section of the Uniontown supermarket. Police arrived 70 seconds after the combat between a youth and store security was reported. In exactly one half-hour, the boy was arrested, cited for shoplifting and released to a responsible adult.
7:58 p.m. A bicyclist at Baldwin Street and Sunset Avenue weaved, lost traction and fell off her bike. She scratched her face and hurt her hand and wrist, but declined medical attention. She blamed the rain.
10:18 p.m. A woman reported that her boyfriend had woken up from a dream and put his hands around her neck, then let go when he realized it was her. But when interviewed by an officer, she didn’t have any marks on her neck, and her story soon collapsed. She admitted lying about the dream as part of a cockamamie scheme to scare the boyfriend and get him to leave. She was advised of the seriousness of making a false police report.
• Saturday, February 25 5:55 a.m. A tall, “scary looking” man in dark clothing screamed very loudly in front of a Plaza hotel. In six minutes he had been shushed and sent on.
1:57 p.m. A trespasser is entering downstairs rooms of a downtown senior housing project, blocking the doors with a broomstick and snuffing out cigarettes on the new windowsills.
4:10 p.m. Two men in a big pickup truck yelled at and intimidated a woman and her boyfriend at Samoa Boulevard and K Street, so much so that they ran a red light to get away from them.
6:22 p.m. Past and present female partners of a man got into a pushy-shovey argument, but once they talked it out no one wanted to press charges.
6:28 p.m. A landlord and tenant clashed over a backyard compost crisis.
8:29 p.m. Three men came to the door of a Susan Street residence, struck one of two roomates in the head with a flashlight and took the big screen TV. The suspects, one of which may have been a former roommate, escaped in a white van with Christmas lights twinkling merrily on the inside.
9:21 p.m. A man came to the door of a bar drunk and yelling. One plus was that he stopped waving his knife around at people, but he still had it on him. An officer arrested the blade rumbler on a disturbing the peace charge.
10:43 p.m. A gentleman in a Northtown pleasure center collapsed face down on the floor and began convulsing. He had no pulse, and CPR was administered before the ambulance took him away.
11:16 p.m. A drunk vomited his way across the 17th Street pedestrian walkway.
• Sunday, February 26 12:06 p.m. A youth asked for help in getting his ID back from a Northtown store which had confiscated it when he tried to buy booze there the previous night.
4:02 p.m. Someone found a really nice computer – a Macbook Air – lying in the roadway at Samoa Boulevard and G Street. Police got it back to the owner.
5:26 p.m. A Courtyard Circle resident reported someone unknown leaving kerosene cans and a “device” in his storage shed. Then his mother called, saying that he had given someone permission to store camping equipment there.
10:49 p.m. Alcohol brings out the obstinate in some, for example the woman who’d “had a few” and refused to leave a Plaza bar. Hiding out in the bathroom didn’t work out very well, so friends escorted her off the premises. But when police left, she returned and attempted combat with the bartender and security guard. Off to jail.
• Monday, February 27 9:58 a.m. A woman reported driving on Janes Road the previous Friday night, she stopped for an animal in the roadway. But when she got out of her car and looked at it, the critter was a baby, human variety. Seeing an open door at a nearby house, she escorted the pavement-babe inside, where she found another tot gaping at a blaring boob tube, unattended. She found an adult in another part of the house, and that person took custody of the kids.
10:36 a.m. A woman left $350 in cash and checks made out to the Girl Scouts in her unlocked car at a Uniontown shopping center.
1:33 p.m. A woman left $5,000 in grabbable property in her car parked at Eighth and I streets as she attended a show the previous night. Someone smashed the window and took her purse, jacket, iPhone, camera and more.
•Tuesday, February 28 9:39 a.m. A porta-potty burned to the ground on Janes Road.
10:07 a.m. A man left an unloaded shotgun inside a case in a truck parked at a Uniontown shopping center. Though it was “barely visible,” someone peeled back the weather stripping around the window to get inside, and stole the rifle.
11:14 a.m. A Chester Avenue resident reported a vehicle being gradually dismantled during successive nights by unknown forces of deconstruction. A month ago, someone took apart the differential and driveline, the headlights had been stolen a week previous and last night someone removed all the bolts on the transmission.