• Saturday, April 14 10:21 a.m. A dog reportedly attacked a goat on Spear Avenue, an offense for which the dog was beaten by its master.
10:54 a.m. After a contretemps at a restaurant, a man wearing a “Brooklyn” jacket headed toward the Plaza.
11:10 a.m. A baby harbor seal lounged in the mud by Klopp Lake, getting all sort of official attention and eventual adoption.
12:49 p.m. An expectant mama dog was abandoned near a cannabis center. An employee brought the pregnant pooch to APD, which took her to the animal shelter.
1:30 p.m. A red-haired man in “hippie clothes” agreed that it would be best if he stopped yelling near the marimba factory.
4:27 p.m. A woman paused at 12th and K street to change her shoes before continuing her journey.
• Sunday, April 15 3:28 a.m.
Drums blasted H Street’s southern hustings
As a band was refining its buskings
The thudding so raucous
Drew cops for a caucus
And peace for which neighbors were lusting
4:03 a.m. A drunken teenager with a shirt wrapped around his head led police on a not-so-merry chase through Northtown backyards, rooftops and over fences until being captured and arrested.
12:45 p.m. The first note of discord with a new roommate involved a closed-fist punch to the shoulder and sleeping that night in separate residences.
7:32 p.m. An exceptionally demonstrative lunatic waved his arms around as he jabbered to himself in Northtown. That accomplished, he settled into his vehicle for an extended bout of random horn-honking.
• Monday, April 16 2:23 a.m. Had he not broken into her house to fight with her, all her staring and car window-hitting might have been averted.
9:40 a.m. A neighbor reported that green, weedy smell coming from some possible grow houses at an unspecified location where gunshots have also been heard.
3:18 p.m. Arrogant raccoons who have set up a colony under a Wyatt Lane house growl at anyone who looks in on them.
• Tuesday, April 17 5:52 a.m. A strangeling at a Valley West mini-mart asked the same questions over and over. Deemed genuinely disturbed, he was taken to a mental health facility.
7:30 a.m. A traveler in unknown-colored pants screamed and yelled on Ninth Street.
8:03 a.m. Someone broke into a parcel locker at the Bayside Post Office and stole a package.
10:34 a.m. Someone complained about a “putty-colored” RV parked for weeks on Diamond Drive.
10:46 a.m. A man complained that someone was “wreaking havoc with his life” and had gotten him arrested.
1:07 p.m. Perhaps emboldened by his dashing beanie and small mustache, a man at the bus stop by the Golden Arches was reported “provoking” his fellow bus-waiting-for-ers. He was cited for outstanding warrants and sent on his way.
3:28 p.m. Unsolicited text messages to a business employee have turned threatening over the last three months and have spread to other employees.
3:29 p.m. A man reported that someone – apparently a marginally competent plumber – had entered his apartment and repaired the cold water faucet in his bathroom. The furtive faucet fixer had left the faucet so stiff and unresponsive that it took the combined forces of the man and his wife to turn it off. But his main issue was that someone had entered his home illegally.
5:31 p.m. In addition to stabilizing trauma victims, saving lives, managing tragedy and junk like that, emergency room personnel also have to put up with the kinda guy who shows up with a pregnant woman who has chest injuries, yells at the ambulance staff, spills gasoline around and boasts of the harm he will do to his girlfriend when he gets home.
11:08 p.m. A defunct Uniontown pizza restaurant came to life or something like it when one of perhaps six or seven youths milling in the vicinity was heard to declare, “I’m not going with you. I’m going to kill you!”
• Friday, April 20 12:13 a.m. A woman in a short skirt was so drunk she literally crawled out of her vehicle at Ninth and G streets. She was arrested on a public drunkenness charge.
2:06 a.m. A bear made a cameo on Heindon Road, getting stuck in a fence and other Disneyesque antics.
9:01 a.m. A woman was videoed stealing $250 in clothing from a Plaza shop.
11:41 a.m. A woman came to town to deal with the estate of her brother, who passed away weeks earlier. But when she got to his house, things were missing.
3:08 p.m. A citizen reported a vehicle parked on California Avenue with the doors unlocked, the keys in the ignition and a sign on it saying, “Please take me, I’m free.” The caller wanted to take the car, but was told that if he did and it was later reported stolen, he’d be responsible for the theft.
3:33 p.m. A man vacuuming his car at a Valley West car wash had a gun sticking out of his waistband. Police found him and verified that he had a concealed weapons permit, even if he wasn’t concealing the weapon very well.
4:2o p.m. 4/20 was a washout in rain-sodden, cop-encrusted Redwood Park. But right at the witching hour, the problems with the once-massive dopefest played out in microcosm as a juvenile was arrested on a drug charge and taken to the station to wait for her dad.
4:46 p.m. A man’s wallet was found in the trash at a car wash, with $100 missing.
10:19 p.m. A Buttermilk Lane resident thought it odd that door-to-door salesgrifters would come to her door at this hour.
10:58 p.m. A slithy tove sighting on Valley East Boulevard featured a fashionably pants-falling-down man trying door handles up and down the street.
11:35 p.m. An Old Arcata Road resident complained of a mysterious “low frequency hum” emanating from her home. An officer went and turned off her forced-air heating, and the mystery was solved.
• Saturday, April 21 3:51 a.m. After an exhausting day trying to get their soggy reefers to light up, visitors from out of town unrolled their sleeping bags at Larson Park for a campout. Police arrived to dissuade them.
6:15 a.m. The Janes Creek Meadows Park was a most unwise spot for campers to noisily chug breakfast joints and carry on within earshot of so many families. Police were soon on scene to repatriate the juveniles to their families.
7:45 a.m. A wallet found on Seventh Street contained credit cards and a poker chip.
8:41 a.m. Two purses were found in a Ninth Street dumpster.