• Tuesday, February 8 11:05 a.m. A multimodal man in a camouflage jacket enjoyed the best of all transportation worlds on Samoa Boulevard – on the sidewalk, riding a bike with a motor.
2:23 p.m. An ambulance took a bleeding bicyclist away from the scene of a collision with a car on 11th Street.
5:13 p.m. A box under a Janes Road motel’s sign reportedly contained a trapped dog, which was heard “crying.” An officer found no dog, just the sign coming apart, with metal grating against metal and somehow simulating dog whining.
• Wednesday, February 9 10:52 a.m. A Lynn Street dog was reported escaping from a yard and aggressing against people, with no one willing to take responsibility for it. The resident said they were getting rid of the dog soon.
1:39 p.m. A one-man obnoxiousness fountain set up a smoking and panhandling station at the front door of a Valley West restaurant. He may have been drunk, but at least he was verbally aggressive. Police arrested him on a warrant out of Ripon.
1:40 p.m. When a City employee asked a multi-dog walker to place the pooches on a leash at the Marsh, the person went all Tourette on him.
2:05 p.m. The library camper said she was attacked by an officer and wanted her pepper spray back.
5:17 p.m. A credit union reported an elderly woman a possible victim of elder abuse, with her checks stolen, forged and cashed. The victim hadn’t authorized use of the checks, which were taken over a six-month period.
5:21 p.m. A woman who had reportedly forged postal money orders and deposited them in her account was now proving difficult to reach.
5:55 p.m. A vehicle vs. bike accident at 11th and I sent the cyclist to the hospital.
7:19 p.m. A man who said he “hid” a box in the lobby of the Post Office reported that it and the personal items within had been stolen.
• Thursday, February 10 10:13 a.m. A shotgun was found in the backyard of an Eye Street house.
10:15 a.m. Someone chained a dog to a fence on Samoa Boulevard, walked away and left it there.
2:51 p.m. A man rented his home to 215 patients with the understanding that they would set up a medical grow. With that, the tenants erected a full-on for-profit cannabis grow in the garage. On witnessing the magnitude of the operation, the dismayed landlord went to police with his concerns. An officer paid a call to the house and notified the tenant that he would be back within days, hopefully to a home free of illegal cultivation. And when he returned, it was.
10:04 p.m. What was reported as an apartment-shaking male-female argument possibly including wrestling on Janes Road turned out to be drunken men brawling.
• Friday, February 11 1:35 a.m.
An alleyside saxophone stylist
Was on nearby neighbors’ no-fly list
The loud, brassy phrasings
Were, six minutes later, all silenced
7:37 a.m. A cow became mired in a creek off Q Street near Zehndner Avenue, and when some loose dogs discovered the helpless bovine, their wolf-pack mentality kicked in. Police arrived, the cow was unstuck and a wilding dog captured with a catchpole. The owner was located and cited for allowing dogs at large.
10:17 a.m. Someone posted malicious ads online stating that a resident was having an estate sale and that one resident would commit sexual acts.
10:23 a.m. An unlocked bike in a Northtown apartment stairwell was like fish in a barrel for a thief, except without all the wriggling. Loss: $300.
12:26 p.m. A J Street resident partially fell for an Internet scam that had involved him acting as a “mystery shopper,” wherein he would patronize local businesses and report on the service. The unusual method of compensation involved two sizeable (and fraudulent) money orders, which he was to deposit in his account. He was supposed to keep $170, but take $1,680 out and deposit it in another account. But when he didn’t follow through with the banking maneuvers, the scamsters threatened to call police. The mystery shopper notified them instead, along with the bank and FBI.
12:55 p.m. When a man in jeans and sweatshirt finished his beer at the transit center, he flung the can over the fence onto the grounds of the nearby City offices.
1:01 p.m. After fomenting a fuss at a Valley West store, a man bicycled away at good speed. Tracked down on Spear Avenue, he reported that voices had told him he “wasn’t going to heaven.” But because of the outstanding warrants, he was taken to purgatory.
The drums were both loud and amorphous
Downtown where the throbbing performance
From multiple sources
Drew government forces
To shut down the drummers’ endorphins
9:15 p.m. A disgruntled bargoer used the courtesy phone outside APD to complain that his civil rights had been compromised by a Plaza tavern.
9:21 p.m. A man was just crazy enough to kick in a door on South H Street, and to be institutionalized.
10:35 p.m. A man yelling for help and breaking windows at a Valley West motel left rooms 113, 114 and 115 well ventilated.
From Samoa and H to the Schwazz
The thunder of drums gave folks pause
And upside-down smilin’
Which sent them to dialin’
For help from applicable laws
• Friday, February 13 12:23 p.m. An unidentified animal became trapped in a waste receptacle at the Marsh.
• Saturday, February 14 12:54 p.m. A locked car at 12th and K streets was entered and pillaged.
2:15 p.m. A Valley West dumpster fire was only discovered the following afternoon, with the metal box still warm.
4:46 p.m. A woman reported that after moving in to a new residence two weeks previous, persons unknown had entered her home at least three times. She could tell this because she configures her locks a certain way, and whoever it is that is coming in leaves them in the same position on leaving. She believes the suspects’ mission is to “sniff her underwear and rub their genitals on her food.” She said she was still “gathering evidence.”
5:41 p.m. From the Boat Basin, the view of the wastewater treatment plant to the west included an open flame shooting eight or nine feet in the air from some sort of vent. The exhaust was believed to be coming from the Corp Yard crematorium.
7:06 p.m. A woman complained that her roommates had told her she had to move out because she wasn’t “meshing” with them. She said that when she went for a walk to ease the tension, they followed her out and told her, “We can either do this the easy way or the hard way,” which she took as a threat.
7:32 p.m. One of the woman’s roommates called, stating that he didn’t feel safe around her. He was told it was a civil matter and to select roommates carefully. Then he pitched a new line, stating that the woman wasn’t on any lease or paperwork, so she was actually trespassing, which is a crime. He was told not to change his story in order to get the desired result. Then the woman called back, saying that the roommates were banging on her door, yelling and saying that they were going to cut the lock off her door and throw all her stuff out. Police went and counseled civility.
• Sunday, February 14 12:59 a.m. An extremely drunken man snuggled up against an ATM/Lotto machine in the front of a Uniontown variety store. He was arrested on a public drunkenness charge.
9:23 a.m. A letter accusing a resident of child molestation was distributed throughout an Arcata neighborhood. You read it here.
2:27 p.m. A naked man was seen swimming in the creek west of Janes Road.
3:55 p.m. A business owner noticed improper use of a company credit card and confronted his bookkeeper. She said the card had been stolen and a new one ordered. But the funky charges kept showing up, and he confronted her again. This time she admitted misusing the card, and was fired. He wanted the issue documented.
5:23 p.m. A South H Street resident complained that his roommate was stealing food from him, having eaten his hamburger without permission.
• Monday, February 15 11:57 a.m. An agitated man wandering Spear Avenue with a bag of clothing in hand took refuge in an infant and toddler center where it could be argued that he didn’t “mesh” with the tots and caregivers. He was advised against trespassing.
12:38 p.m. Police were asked to look in on a man who had called the Board of Supervisors stating that their authority might be “overthrown.”
6:36 p.m. A wrong-way car took out the stop sign at Ninth and H streets.
• Tuesday, February 16 10:50 a.m. A worker smoking medicine inside a Samoa Boulevard business hadn’t been aware that he shouldn’t do that.
12:12 p.m. Travelers were said to be stashing property in ducts above parking spaces on 12th Street. An officer couldn’t locate anything to verify this.
1:51 p.m. A loose pit bull on Spear Avenue entered a backyard, where the resident said it was “teasing” her chickens.
1:56 p.m. A Samoa Boulevard business again complained of smoke issuing from the shop on the first floor. The shop owner said he hadn’t smoked anything within 20 feet of the door since arriving at 11 a.m. He wanted information about how to deal with the slanderous accusations being made by other tenants.
6:49 p.m. A Valley West resident complained that a neighbor had a camera trained on her apartment, and that the landlord had pictures of the neighbor installing a listening device outside.
10:33 p.m. A car crash at Giuntoli Lane and Valley East Boulevard resulted in a drunk driving arrest.
• Wednesday, February 17 1:46 p.m. A woman loaned her $5,000 Martin acoustic guitar to her daughter, a teacher, who used it to play occasionally songs for kids in class. Then it went missing.
7:34 p.m. A man reported that his friend was locked inside a Fifth Street storage yard. Storage yard officials said that was the policy, and that it was clearly posted. An officer came and negotiated release from the mini-storage gulag.
• Thursday, February 18 10:29 a.m. A Valley West motel lodger complained that the maid had stolen $10 and some change from his room. Management said he was trying to get a free room.
1:33 p.m. A bag of marijuana was taken away from a middle school student.
10:36 p.m. A Tanglewood Road resident reported his subwoofers stolen from his unlocked car in his driveway overnight, and now, telltale thudding was emanating from a house down the street. The victim thought there might be a connection.