Tag Archives: Slithy Toves

Arcata Police Log: Leash my aggressive dog? How dast thee!

Arcata Police Log: Leash my aggressive dog? How dast thee!

• Sunday, June 9 9:01 a.m. When the door closed on a high school storage shed across from the skate park, a man found his life at a crossroads: he could live out his days in the spartan accommodations, hearing the world passing by outside, never knowing sunshine, starlight, laughter, love, quinoa tots and really,

Arcata Police Log: Like dark matter, the Slithy Tovesphere co-occupies our ostensible reality

• Sunday, December 30 5:38 p.m. After stealing various items from a Uniontown supermarket throughout the day, a backpack-and-beanie boy capped his day of luscious larceny by making off with some life-affirming macaroni and cheese. 11:44 p.m. Three men threatening to exact vengeance on a motel clerk by disengorging their mighty bowels in a Valley

Arcata Police Log: Gusty McFoulmouth’s hortatory halitosis

• Monday, October 15 1:37 a.m. Anyone who may have noticed the man in boots and a leather jacket worn over a hospital gown trundling down Janes Road, carrying his clothes in a bag, may have wondered about the back story. It was one fueled, shock-shockingly, by a surfeit of distilled spirits. After a noisy

Arcata Police Log: Some friend of a friend you turned out to be

• Thursday, October 4 9:48 a.m. An L.K. Wood Boulevard resident got an unsolicited package of cannabis in the mail. His aunt called police, who neutralized the menace. • Friday, October 5 9:45 a.m. A frenzied raccoon ran in circles at Appaloosa Lane and Quarter Way, alarming the populace. 11:25 a.m. Two women dressed in

Arcata Police Log: Shirtless scrappers polish poopy pavement

• Monday, October 1 12:13 a.m. Two men – shirtless, in keeping with tradition – tussle-fussed in a clinch on the ground at the Ninth and H adult daycare zone, their rippling muscles helping scour the pavement of its seething slurry of slouchabout sluffings even while polishing the translucent dogshit sheen that enshrouds the vicinity.

Arcata Police Log: Volcanic vituperation befouls the burg

• Wednesday, August 15 9:06 p.m. Yelled obscenities were punctuated with door slams for emphasis on war-torn lower E Street. 9:15 p.m. Volleys of vituperation issued from a pink-shirted man whose pulpit was the center of Janes Road. 11:30 p.m. A McCallum Circle resident complained of the neighbor’s continual display of his middle finger, a

Arcata Police Log: Ninja infestation drives man to drink; wanker introduced to pavement

• Friday, July 13 4:27 a.m. A woman on Upper Bay Road said that as she opened the front door to her house, some sort of slithy tove opened the trunk of her car and slithered inside. 11:20 a.m. A Ribeiro Lane resident said someone used her credit card to buy a $500 vacuum and

Arcata Police Log: Mere walls will never contain the majesty of rock

• Thursday, December 14 3:21 a.m. A gent who looked to be pushing 60 attained total, if short-lived dominance over the little island of vending machines outside the hospital ER. Woe betide any passersby who unwittingly roved into his alcohol-hazed sphere of effluence, as they suddenly found themselves pelted with nonsensical hostility. A police officer

Arcata Police Log: Photon-gathering technique addressed with threats

• Monday, October 23 4:56 a.m. I know, let’s open the windows, turn the TV volume up and talk loudly over it. 5:48 a.m. If the shoplifter at a Uniontown shopping center goes to hell with a handbasket, it will be full of the groceries he stole. He was last seen hellbound on a “bicycle