• Wednesday, July 31 11:52 a.m. When someone left their large black truck with two children inside idling for 20 minutes outside a Sunny Brae laundromat, a random passerby volunteered a yelling-included cost-benefit analysis of the decision. 1:21 p.m. A cow in an F Street field didn’t appear to have any food or water. 3…
Arcata Police Log: So many wonders to behold during Arcata’s unending Goofwit Days festival
• Friday, July 26 8:11 p.m. A $3,300 Craigslist buy went retroactively awry when, post purchase, the seller’s dad called, saying daughter had no right to sell the thing, and demanding it back. • Saturday, July 27 3:45 a.m. With the genocidal statue gone from the Plaza and that new era of healing and unity…
Arcata Police Log: There are more skeletons and robots here than seems normal
• Saturday, July 20 3:48 p.m. You’re cleared to leave the hospital, sir, thank you. You’re cleared to leave. You can go now. Please leave. Sir, you have to leave now. Hello? Someone who is medically cleared to leave is refusing to go. 5:33 p.m. A hitchhiker on the freeway onramp at Samoa Boulevard stepped…
Arcata Police Log: A tender, tedious paean to Arcata’s innocent passersby
• Friday, July 12 1:36 p.m. A woman in a blue hoodie was the latest to make off with groceries from a skeeze-caked Uniontown shopping center. She scurried into the darkness, never to face justice. Later review of security cam footage revealed the loot to include a jug of blue Gatorade – to match her…
Arcata Police Log: Earth-toned carbon-based unit mounts planetary assault
• Saturday, July 6 9:33 a.m. After injecting breakfast, an urban backpacker lolled on some 11th Street steps with the needle still hanging jauntily from his arm. He was moved along. 3:06 p.m. A woman dragged a couch into the middle of an H Street alley and, clad in a towel, had a troubled lie-down…
Arcata Police Log: Let’s see, what’s my most time-wasting, self-defeating option here?
• Friday, June 28 10:37 a.m. A woman went out to her car after shopping at a Fourth Street market only to find a man there holding a set of keys. “This is my car,” he notified her as he continually stuffed a rag into his mouth, then pulled it out and smelled it. 11:09…
Arcata Police Log: Empowerment found in canister of capsaicin persuasion
• Tuesday, June 18 6:04 p.m. Threats exuding from a hirsute man-like creature on the Plaza ran as dense and unruly as his luxuriant “full beard.” 6:49 p.m. A pedestrian actually complained about the free beer shower with which she was gifted while walking up G Street on the Plaza. Given the range of abuses…
Arcata Police Log: Leash my aggressive dog? How dast thee!
• Sunday, June 9 9:01 a.m. When the door closed on a high school storage shed across from the skate park, a man found his life at a crossroads: he could live out his days in the spartan accommodations, hearing the world passing by outside, never knowing sunshine, starlight, laughter, love, quinoa tots and really,…
Arcata Police Log: Tranquility-inducing quinoa tots and popcorn tofu meet their match
• Thursday, May 23 8:03 a.m. Six people sitting in a circle in a Ninth Street alley wouldn’t voluntarily disassemble their stonerhenge soiree-squattery, and a nearby business was concerned that the half-dozen immobile meat pillars might get run over. 10:36 p.m. In nearby Tavern Alley, intake-excrete maneuvers proved worrisome. It seems that four jolly-time funsters…
Arcata Police Log: Turdly minefield inspires groundsman’s ire
• Wednesday, May 15 12:42 a.m. The City Council should try to track down the shadowy slithy tove on a bicycle who busied himself this early morn riding around and checking whether or not business doors on West End Road were properly locked up, and commend him for his public-spirited volunteer efforts. 1:30 p.m. It…