• Friday, November 6 4:45 a.m. A man was reported pulling a loudspeaker on Valley West Boulevard, which never sleeps – and this is a typical reason why. 5:17 a.m. An ideal time for an invigorating Eye Street lawn scream. 7:32 a.m. Two liquid breakfasters got their morning guzzle on at the transit center, where…
Arcata Police Log: Clanging begets clanking in a heavy-motel departure from the traditional yelling
• Thursday, October 22 8:50 a.m. An overeager job applicant or burglar busted the door handle off a 16th Street employment agency’s front door, botching that crucial first impression and severely denting any prospects for gainful employment. 10:10 a.m. Occupants of a residential trailer parked at the school bus stop at Aldergrove Road and Pepperwood…
Arcata Police Log: Elusive dream of addlement with seamy strangers ends in kicks and punches
5:40 p.m. A techno-dumbass buzzed his damnable drone around Klopp Lake, annoying the animals and singlehandedly downgrading the wildlife refuge to a toy test range.
Arcata Police Log: More of man’s inhumanity to man, woman and whatever else roams into his general vicinity
3:38 p.m. A man at the center of a vortex of trash yelled and aimed his middle finger at war-torn innocent passersby at a Samoa Boulevard business. That he was sitting under a No Trespassing sign provided a marginal but much-needed womp-womp factor.
Arcata Police Log: Trash level rise inundates coastal areas amid serenade of screaming
• Thursday, September 10 2:01 p.m. A smattering of slumbabouts consensed on an impromptu afternoon road wallow at 13th and F streets, furnishing the zone with various possessions. 4:19 p.m. A woman called from a Sunny Brae laundromat, where a man had left his vehicle running for 20 minutes, asphyxiating those in the vicinity. He,…
Arcata Police Log: Pantaloon waistband sets steady course for earth’s core
• Thursday, September 3 2:47 p.m. Megaphone technology has reached the street screechers, amplifying both the odious operettas and one father’s concerns about his kids walking past the drug-smoking, blanket-clad bullhorn bellower at 14th and G streets. 2:49 p.m. A possibly naked woman was reported under a blanket at 14th and G streets. 3:21 p.m.…
Arcata Police Log: This is the dawning of the Age of Jerk-quarius
1:47 p.m. Further demonstrating the chronic reverse-wisdom of orange-hued individuals, the pumpkinesque SUV driver entered the drive-thru lane and attempted to place an order. Refused burgery goodness on grounds of prior shitheadery, he threatened an employee’s life. And away he drove.
Arcata Police Log: Unhappy diners resort to fussing, flinging food and further failing
5:59 p.m. If, after being disallowed from chowing down inside a Valley West restaurant, the denied diner’s tactic for restoring entry privileges was to fuss and fight with the staff, well, it failed. He was last seen – somehow, despite his camouflage pants – propelling a shopping cart down the street.
Arcata Police Log: The fine art of not leaving when asked
• Tuesday, August 18 3:39 p.m. An unemployee had a friend help him set up his online EDD account, but she changed the passwords, and had the card sent to someone else’s post office box. He called EDD and learned that the card had been used multiple times, just not by him. 4:48 p.m. After…
Arcata Police Log: Nonsensical non sequiturs, wacky maledictions and other oddball utterances
• Tuesday, August 18 3:26 a.m. A Bayside Road resident’s unlocked door allowed a woman to walk right in and get naked in the bathroom, as one does. She was arrested on a burglary charge.