• Tuesday, February 3 9 a.m. A Percheron Lane houseguest went nutso, screaming and throwing things about. Police were summoned to extract her. 9:17 a.m. A quartet of sitabouts in a Valley West shopping center sat amid a swirling vortex of personal possessions, throwing things at each other and screaming. 10:16 a.m. Yelling and aggression…
Arcata Police Log: Bloody-batted rockballer hones truck-stoning prowess
8:08 p.m. A classic YouTube-grade jerkwad situation played out at a 13th Street supermarket, where a man refused to wear a facial covering when asked, then whipped out the ol’ phone to dickishly shoot video of the frontline employees who really don’t need this shit.
Arcata Police Log: Bearded zounderkite hellifies variety store, sunders liberal media
• Friday, January 22 1:58 p.m. A fustilarian fusspot with issues on the Plaza. Well that’s new. 4:14 p.m. An older gent in a hoodie brought Plaza-grade delirium to Sunny Brae Center, disturbing peaceable shoppers in the sleepy shire with his big-city bleatings. 5:10 p.m. A drunken disturbo threw things around at a Sunny Brae…
Arcata Police Log: Emissary from Summer of Love brings aural torment to mini-martyrs
• Saturday, January 16 7:19 a.m. A guest at a Valley West motel suspected a housekeeper of refilling an insulin bottle that should have been empty. The insulin is for his diabetic support cat.
Arcata Police Log: Barefaced COVID deniers engulf retail wage earners in their biohazard blizzard
• Christmas 7:54 a.m. Another maskhole chose this particular morning to spread sour feelings and any on-board diseases at a Sunny Brae supermarket by refusing to cover his writhing face-hole and stealing a cup of coffee. The yuletide yahoo lurked in his hoodie outside the store, sipping and slurping the ill-gotten java in the eye of his personal droplet blizzard until moved along.
Arcata Police Log: Barefaced COVID deniers engulf retail wage earners in their biohazard blizzard
• Sunday, December 20 3:32 a.m. A bear was reported roaming the roadway near a Trinidad casino. 7:26 a.m. An H Street upstairs-downstairs tenant dispute devolved into someone “jumping on the ceiling.” Wait, what? 5:29 p.m. A friendly, tagless Husky wandered into a Valley West store, its origins and backstory unknown. • Monday, December 9:05…
Arcata Police Log: Varying grades of chicanery to suit any malefactor’s ambition and budget
2:26 p.m. Science tells us that the only known faster-than-light phenomena in the universe are hypothetical tachyons and the speed at which a slithy tove removes purses, wallets and debit/credit cards from an unlocked vehicle. The latest victim, on 24th Street, discovered and immediately reported the theft, but the tachyon-tove had already squandered her funds on toys and candy.
Arcata Police Log: Put on your mask and pull up your pants
• Tuesday, December 7:36 a.m. A Mossberg .500 handgun is now in the grimy paws of someone willing to thieve such a thing from a Heather Lane home. 12:52 p.m. When thunderous noon hour drums Made peaceable F Streeters glum To stave off a crackup They called cops for backup But then the percussers went…
Arcata Police Log: Maskless marauder’s big stupid face an appetite suppressant
• Wednesday, November 11 7:40 a.m. A woman carrying bottles of urine argued with preschool staff on Valley West Boulevard, as one does. 7:56 a.m. Sometime during the night, someone systematically removed all the doors to the vacuums at a Valley West car wash, counterintuitively making the world just a little more sucky. 9:18 a.m.…
Arcata Police Log: Maybe some day science will supply us with explanations for all this
• Friday, November 6 4:45 a.m. A man was reported pulling a loudspeaker on Valley West Boulevard, which never sleeps – and this is a typical reason why. 5:17 a.m. An ideal time for an invigorating Eye Street lawn scream. 7:32 a.m. Two liquid breakfasters got their morning guzzle on at the transit center, where…