• Wednesday, July 7 6:25 p.m. A woman returned to her Sixth Street home, finding the door and gate wide open and her wallet missing. 9:11 p.m. A man who’d purchased cannabis at a Eureka dispensary said he thought it was laced with LSD. • Thursday, July 8 10:06 a.m. After an ex stayed overnight,…
Arcata Police Log: Gummy, glinting groundscores hold vast promise for brain gyrations
• Monday, July 5 7:55 p.m. On Samoa Boulevard, a new Olympic sport was forged – lighting a tire on fire and kicking it about the sidewalk.
Arcata Police Log: Driving so bad you can hear it leaves a trail of oily chunkage in the night
• Wednesday, June 23 6:24 a.m. “So there is a girl living at that apartment that is not exposed to be living there. And she has been fighting people, walking around drunk, walking around with alcohol in her hand, walking around smoking weed, walking around with a bong and also she just yells a lot…
Arcata Police Log: Automotive flatulence resounds throughout sleepy shire
• Wednesday, June 16 1:27 p.m. In terms of slovenly camping practices, woods dwellers aren’t respecting the Sunny Brae Tract of the Arcata Community Forest any more than they have the “old town” forest. A crap camp up the trail from Panorama Drive which had been cleaned up by Environmental Services in January was still…
Arcata Mini-Police Log: Caught mid-treachery, thievin’ cretin turns driveway into a house of lies
3:59 p.m. A behoodied badass wandered Valley West waving two knives in each hand, menacing at least one citizen with the fearsome blades. In short order, Wayward Stabbyhands was arrested on a drunk in public charge.
Arcata Police Log: Breakfast brigand repeatedly repelled
5:52 p.m. Whether out of macro-level Brownian Motion, anarcho-syndicalist zealotry or just random vehicular numbskullery, someone keeps ramming the damn mailbox kiosk at a Bayside Road apartment complex.
Arcata Police Log: Redemption, repetition, reaction, revulsion, yelling
1:50 p.m. A woman whose car was making a funny noise took it to the muffler shop.
Arcata Police Log: Why must your overclocked amygdala be everyone else’s problem?
• Monday, April 26 9:36 a.m. An alcove slumper snoozed amid a swirling Sargasso Sea of personal debris in the entranceway to a defunct H Street business once patronized by Elvis Costello. An officer soon bestirred and dislodged him from his seamy sepulcher. Welcome to the working week. 9:48 a.m. More gravity victims well-ensconced in…
Arcata Police Log: Liquified prehistoric animals sweetened, bringing the hotness
• Wednesday, April 21 9:32 a.m. A 5150 patient’s hospital escape path took him past the Birth Center and out into the parking lot as fast as brown socks could carry him. Flimsy hospital gown flapping, he was last seen wending his way past the helipad en route to points south. 1:16 p.m. A shopping…
Arcata Police Log: Peaceable laundry-doers plagued by meddlesome maskholes
• Tuesday, April 13 3:39 p.m. A band of streetcorner musicians At Eighth and I offered renditions Of flute-friendly jamming But critiques were damning And troubadours failed the audition 10:17 p.m. A woman at a Plaza hotel reported that when she looked in the mirror, she didn’t look like herself. Oh, also, she thought there…