Tag Archives: April Fools 2016

Chafing dish scandal heats up

Chafing dish scandal heats up

Ray Rumsey Eye Correspondent WHITE HOUSE, APRIL 1 – With full backing from the White House, U.S. Attorney General Loretta Lynch announced last week that the Justice Department has launched a full-blown investigation into the possible disappearance of a chafing dish, spatula and a George Foreman grill from the Manila Community Center. The announcement came

McKinlay, new town crier boost Plaza appeal

Poochie D’Urbodrome Eye Correspondent ARCATA PLAZA, APRIL 1 – A cost-effective solution to ridding Arcata of its loathed “dead white male” has been found. Meet the new McK – Arcata über-hipster and very-much-alive white male Merrick McKinlay. Now that the original statue of Wiliam McKinley has melted away from the sheer intensity of the stinkeye-stares

NWJ discovers Fountain of Youth

HUMBOLDT, APRIL 1 – The North Weed Journal, chief trade publication of Humboldt’s marijuana industrial complex, has captured an historic scoop confirming cannabis is in fact the long-lost Fountain of Youth. Winner of the prestigious Horticultural Journalism Prize for Distinguished Weed Propaganda, NWJ Publisher Judy Go-Green warmly thanked local growers for supplying the advertising revenue

Teacher assures students that Trump is not Hitler

McKINLEYVILLE, APRIL 1 – A history teacher at McKinleyville High School has assured her students that Donald Trump’s presidential campaign is nothing at all like the rise of the Third Reich in 1930s Germany. “That was, like, 80 years ago!” said teacher Lerna Lessin, speaking to her World History 102 class. “It could never happen

Cabin discovered in remote, unexplored area of Plaza

Pixton DuQuesne Eye Correspondent ARCATA PLAZA, APRIL 1 – It turns out that the mysterious Arcata Community Forest cabin that has captivated imaginations across the country has a downtown counterpart. Last week, after chasing down a shoplifting suspect, APD Downtown Officer Luke Scown stopped to retrieve the evidence, a McTel’s Lemon Pie nicked from Arcata

MCSD embraces raw sewage

McKINLEYVILLE, APRIL 1 – As part of its $17 million sewer system upgrade, the McKinleyville Community Services District is now offering residents customized sewage treatment options based upon household diets. The idea behind the innovative new program is to take a holistic approach to sewage treatment that takes into consideration not just the human waste