Tag Archives: April Fools 2016

Humboldt Mediation Services achieves world peace

Humboldt Mediation Services achieves world peace

Charva Berdino Eye Correspondent EARTH, APRIL 1 – World peace has been achieved – or will be, once a little neighborhood issue in Sunny Brae is put to rest. Humboldt Mediation Services was as surprised as anyone when major Middle East countries consented to a structured series of conflict resolution sessions at the Arcata Community

Ridge Trail Roundabout helps pacify path

Honko Remandabar Eye Correspondent ARCATA COMMUNITY FOREST, APRIL 1 – Anticipating a flood of hikers, bikers and horsers, the City of Arcata has completed installation of the first roundabout on the Arcata Ridge Trail. The new roundabout will safely channel trail users through the heavily traveled Arcata Community Forest. Encouraged by the news, Environmental Services

A glossary of Humboldt terminology

HUMBOLDT, April 1 – In an effort to aid readers on their journey through this section’s attempts at guffaw-inducage, we offer an April Fool’s Dictionary (with few apologies to Ambrose Bierce). • Adultery – The democracy the People’s Republic of Arcata confers upon love • Big Foot – Superstition; synonym for theology • Bitch – Mispronunciation of a tree species native to Humboldt • Climate Change –

HUMMETH helps Supes get up to speed

Annabelle Bassett Eye Correspondent HUMBOLDT, APRIL 1– Emboldened by the cannabis industry having recast itself as a plucky group of family farmers, the meth cooking community is moving in the same direction. The Humboldt Mendocino Methamphetamine Energizing Theocracy (HUMMETH) found an appreciative audience among the Board of Supervisors at last week’s meeting. Spokesman Jerry Jitters

Another cultural kerfuffle at Humboldt State

Darrell Dograt Eye Correspondent HUMBOLDT STATE, APRIL 1 – Outraged over cultural misappropriation and insensitivity, the HSU’s Associated Students voted unanimously last week to ban English muffins from school dining facilities. The action came about after Geoffrey Pippins, an exchange student from England, walked into the Depot and was confronted by a chafing dish engraved

Food: we’re so over it

Jayda Jing-Jing Eye Correspondent ARCATA, APRIL 1 –The Co-op, Wildberries Marketplace and Safeway are seeing business plummet as locals join the nationally growing “Food Is Not The Boss Of Me” movement. “Food is just so last year,” says local bar-owner Aimee Highnessy. “Liquor is the new food.” Humans, tired of the ceaseless toiling involved in

Now trending: ‘Where’s Lisa?’

Glerbus Gloof Eye Correspondent ARCATA, APRIL 1 – Taking a cue from the old “Where’s Waldo?” fad, the Department of Pandering at Humdolt University has launched a counterpart “Where’s Lisa?” campaign for the whereabouts of President Lisa Lostbacher. Humdolt Associate Vice President for Pandering Frank Pangloss hopes his “Where’s Lisa?” promotion will curb sniping about

Man with 5,000 Facebook friends dies friendless

McKINLEYVILLE, APRIL 1 – Despite having more than 5,000 friends on Facebook, McKinleyville resident Norm DePlume died lonely and alone last Tuesday. Only one person attended the memorial service. DePlume was well known on Facebook as an ever-present social maven who seemed to know everyone, though no one could recall ever actually meeting him in

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