Charf Malvenard Mad River Union TYEE CITY, APRIL 1 – A bold initiative by Tyee City movers and shakers promises to send the micro-hamlet at the Mad River’s mouth rocketing into the 1970s. The Tyee City Economic Development and Compost Committee (aka Al and Martha) last week announced acquisition of a “lot-proven” Fotomat booth…
Richardson describes Delineations as a “wild ride and a cosmic gut punch,” similar to simultaneously sitting through a meeting of the Local Agency Formation Commission (LAFCo) while reading the Humboldt County General Plan and listening to the audio of the annual McKinleyville Community Services District Audit Report, but even better.
Crafted as a gaudy robotic extension of the deposed dotard himself, the rover’s $480 million cost gained funding following a promise that “Arcata will pay for it.” Its mission: to carpet-bomb a left-coast liberal enclave with molten MAGA magic like no one’s ever seen before.
As puzzled Public Works techs pored over the schematic diagrams in Book 19 of the 63-volume Peace Pole Operator’s Manual, the rampaging Animosity Rover hove to, slapping at the powerless pole and bellowing, “You’re a disgrace!”
A stringent code of conduct is enforced. All participants must pledge to open doors for all non-Mister’s members, to rarely if ever steal tip jars and to change underclothes on some sort of routine basis.
The two fonts and their backers are competing for the seaside village’s lucrative whimsy contract, valued in the high five figures.
Weary of passing ordinances and fine-tuning the Arcata Municipal Code to manage the ever-changing vagaries of human behavior, the City Council last week decreed that all Arcata residents simply assume the form of glowing orbs of love energy by decade’s end.
“With masks now a routine sandwich filler, why stop there?” Balvorzick conjectured. “Why not hand sanitizer smoothies, or Pfizer-pistachio ice cream? Seriously, the road to health passes straight through Flavortown!”
“You can go,” he mouthed theatrically, motioning toward Samoa Boulevard. This yielded zero response, exacerbating his urgent appeals. “Go, lady!” yelled an exasperated Blamfring out his window. “You were here first!”
It commands her to “refrain from extended bouts of spinning, whirling or rotating at speeds likely to disrupt high-level wind patterns.” The order further discourages the Arcata Main Street enchantress from “implementing any mystical, magical, metaphysical or otherwise supernatural tactics as our investigation proceeds.”