Gill Trebuchet Mad River Union ARCATA, APRIL 1 – As part of a mediated settlement between drug-addled petty criminals and families who live along McKinkeyville’s recreational/burglary artery, the Hammond Trail, a toll booth will be installed on the popular walkway to collect tribute from trail users who hold regular jobs. In return, officials with Dirty-Pants…
ACLU sues science for unfairly tormenting the ignorant
Maynard Wilberforce K.B. “Theobald” Twimbleton Mad River Union HUMBOLDT, APRIL 1 – The Humboldt County branch of the American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU) has filed a lawsuit against science, alleging that science’s basic requirement that findings be supported by actual facts and evidence wrongly violates the free speech of climate change deniers, creationists, homeopaths, astrologers,…
Arcata adds new fee-based services, sells naming rights
Zapf Dingbat Mad River Union ARCATA, APRIL 1 – New ideas and fee-based programs are flying fast at Arcata City Hall, as civic officials scramble to close the budget gap. The Recreation Dept. is offering a new “Sensible Smoking” afternoon activity designed for children ages 3 to 9, to be held at the Redwood Lounge.…
Arcata gets $62.7 billion DOE grant to investigate wave-particle duality, fix 10th & I
Blamph Scrimble Mad River Union ARCATA, APRIL 1 – When Public Works installed the new Bicycle Hub, little did it know it was making a breakthrough in high-energy particle physics. But as it turns out, the confusing wheel at 10th and I streets has verified principles hitherto observed on only the subatomic level. As a…
Eat, drink and be funny (but not in that order)
Mad River Union ARCATA – This year’s Mad River Union April Fool Edition comes out on April Fool’s Day, April 1. While we have a bulging budget of silly stories, images and other nonsense lined up, we feel America can do better. We’re soliciting YOUR funny ideas, stories, cartoons, photo-chops, letters to the editor, classified…
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