• Saturday, March 13 3:24 p.m. What was reported as a “large sheet of metal” in the roadway at 18th and H streets wasn’t found.
3:29 p.m. An officer was hailed by a cab driver, who said the metal object was still in the roadway. An officer found a pipe, and removed it.
11:45 p.m. A wrong-way driver on the Plaza was arrested on a public drunkenness charge.
• Sunday, March 14 1:38 a.m. A blonde and brunette battled in Tavern Alley behind the hotel. They were separated, arrested and driven to the drunk tank.
7:43 a.m. Orange graffiti was spray painted all over the Redwood Park playground equipment and the basketball court.
• Monday, March 15 11:01 a.m. A mother called police, concerned about her son. The last time she spoke to him, he seemed “extremely confused.” His landlord said someone had kicked in his front door, and she had been calling and texting him extensively, to no avail. An officer went to the man’s Q Street home, where a “strong odor of marijuana was detected.” A message was left on the man’s voice mail to contact mom and APD, and the Drug Task Force was told of the stinkyness. Thanks, mom!
12:12 p.m. “If you want to be healthy, come talk to me,” read the text message. A woman who does desire good health had, she said, previously obtained “a lifetime stalking protection order” against the texter.
3:31 p.m. With the residents of a Grant Avenue home out of town, a neighbor became concerned when the front door was seen wide open. Police responded and found a big fat grow house with illegal lighting and wiring.
7:36 p.m. “I will slap the shit out of you if you don’t get in the house,” a man reportedly said to a small boy on Monterey Drive. When contacted, the man said that he had only warned the child that he would be spanked if he didn’t get inside the house. The child’s minor injury was from falling off his bike.
8:29 p.m. Someone became concerned about a child screaming on Anina Way. An officer checked and found a girl who didn’t want to go to bed and started wailing when a sibling picked her up.
• Tuesday, March 16 10:38 a.m. A man parked outside a Plaza store, and covered up the $1,000 laptop computer in the bed of the truck. When he came out, it wasn’t there n’more.
11:20 a.m. A man sat at a picnic table at 14th and Union streets when a silver, four-door vehicle drove past and someone inside shot his right leg with a paintball gun.
2:46 p.m. A swarm o’ ne’er-do-wellsians infested the 14th Street parking lot at Redwood Park. A ranger arrived and sorted out the motley crew, arresting one person on a Sonoma County warrant. A vehicle was towed from the scene.
4:36 p.m. A man who had been walking back and forth on Lewis Avenue threw some grass on someone’s garbage can. When the resident spoke to him, the man threatened to kill him, then moved along.
7:57 p.m. A subject was detained at gunpoint at a Uniontown pharmacy, arrested on a local felony warrant and his vehicle towed.
8:03 p.m. Another arrest and tow in Uniontown.
8:33 p.m. A wallet was stolen from a baby stroller at an I Street store.
• Wednesday, March 17 12:42 a.m. It wasn’t clear whether the four-year-old girl at the ER had been sexually molested or had a bladder infection, and the mother wasn’t being forthcoming with information.
3:45 a.m. Drinking and skating back and forth on 11th Street was fun for the skaters, if not the neighbors.
8:10 a.m. A Union Street resident apologized for his behavior when officers were called to his apartment two weeks previous, and tased him.
11:39 a.m. A generator runs day and night at a home near Third and F streets, with constant noise.
1:22 p.m. A $40 child’s scooter was stolen from an unlocked car on Crescent Way.
2:05 p.m. A woman switched from one outdoor table to another at a Plaza bistro, and when she went back to get her purse, it wasn’t there.
2:43 p.m. A traveler with a bright orange beard followed a woman and her children to the Skate Park, and continued to “advance toward” her. He was arrested on a charge of disturbing the peace.
2:55 p.m. The Redwood Park 14th Street lot was befestered with all the usual abusion – drugs, dogs and the dimwits who unleash them. Three were cited, numerous others warned.
• Thursday, March 18 1:45 a.m. So large and angry was the brawling crowd in and around the donut shop, that an officer told the dispatcher that “we need every available officer from multiple agencies.” HCSO and CHOP were called, and the matter was resolved by 2:22 a.m.
3:19 a.m. A side mirror was wrenched from a vehicle on the Plaza, apparently deliberately.
3:30 a.m. Guests at a Plaza hotel yelled out the windows, briefly annoying other guests.
5:54 a.m. Two drunken women, one wearing a crocheted blanket, were asked to leave a Heindon Road diner. One spilled large amounts of nail polish on a table, the plates and forks, and left.
1:23 p.m. A license plate-less vehicle on A Street between 13th and 14th streets was home to several people for three days, with the residents peeing up the area. The abatement process was initiated.
3:04 p.m. A rabid raccoon on Union Street was de-lifed with a bullet. Public Works was called to remove a grate in the street and extract the diseased corpse.
4:41 p.m. Due to unpaid parking tickets, a man’s vehicle was immobilized with a boot on G Street. This upset him.
7:10 p.m. A drunken spanger was arrested on Ninth Street.
• Friday, March 19 7:52 a.m. A “half-dead” fox in a Diamond Drive driveway was made completely so.
9:28 a.m. A man with a bicycle and two pit bulls made a brief, preposterous show of force, refusing to leave the Plaza, then did.
10:41 a.m. A putrescent pile of camper supplies enlumpened the Janes Creek subdivision’s park. An officer inventoried the soggy heap, finding camping gear, clothing, cooking items and a bag o’ pot. The items were taken to the Corp Yard in case anyone wanted to claim it and fulfill their aspirations to fetidness.
10:56 a.m. A “very angry”-appearing man sporting a large knife on his right side was reported kicking his backpack and hitting one of the two dogs in his entourage outside a 13th Street marketplace. He was told to leave on pain of trespassing.
11:11 a.m. More camping gear popped up, or more accurately plopped down, on Janes Creek park, this time including riding gear, camera equipment and, over on the footbridge, a backpack.
1:11 p.m. Two purses stolen from an unlocked car on Smith Lane were found and reclaimed by their owner.
1:27 p.m. Complaints came in about an aggressive collie at the Boat Basin, which attacked another dog and left two tooth-punctures upon its be-hind.
1:50 p.m. An Airstream Avenue resident complained of a neighbor continually videotaping her four-year-old granddaughter.
10:29 p.m. A stranger came to a woman’s door on Olympia Street asking for her fiancé, who wasn’t there. When the man left, he whistled loudly. On looking in her trash can, she found bloody paper, baggies with white powder residue and bloody needles.
• Saturday, March 20 2:49 a.m. When a citizen discovered a cell phone and camouflage-print Sex Pistols wallet in the roadway at 11th and K streets, he noticed a silver Mustang parked with its lights on nearby and wondered whether there was some mysterious association.
12:40 p.m. A car was reported taken from where it had been left at Wildberries Marketplace. It was found parked and locked in front of Co-op.
1:49 p.m. According to one account, a man agreed to sell his motor home to someone who gave him a $200 deposit. But even though the intended buyer didn’t do so in the agreed time, he demanded and got the deposit back, then complained that one of the two $100 bills was counterfeit. The disgruntled man then showed up at the man’s home with a video camera trying to get him on tape agreeing that he had a $5,000 contract with the guy to repair the chimney of the house that he rents.
6:52 p.m. A man claimed that he dropped his keys at a party near 12th and J streets the previous evening, and someone went off joyriding in his truck. He said he found it the next day at 11th and E streets. But the story was infested with sketchiness. A passerby had discovered the man’s wallet, phone and other possessions sitting next to the truck and turned them in, and the truck’s doors were locked, the lights left on and the right front tire deflated. On being warned about the crime of filing a false police report, he said that he didn’t wish to file one after all, and that he had been extremely drunk the previous night.
8:27 p.m. A man prone to yelling at the innumerable people he holds grudges against did so in a Valley West restaurant, starting an argument with a man who happened to be his former landlord and who had evicted him, and his family. Captain Confrontation went on his not-so-merry way.
• Sunday, March 21 2:23 a.m. A man carrying what appeared to be a bag of cement kicked racks from an I Street store into the street, then punched a blue car on J Street, setting off its alarm.
2:28 p.m. In the heat of an argument, a girl threw a pair of pants at her mother in Valley West, making a mark. Mom left the house to cool down.
2:37 p.m. A youth rode an extremely noisy off-road vehicle in Jessica Court, triggering several complaints.
2:39 p.m. A plaid-shirted man and his sidekick pestered people in a burger stand’s drive-thru line, then followed and harassed a woman all the way over to the store where everything’s a dollar. An officer warned the dynamic dimwits for a variety of violations. They then meandered over to the freeway overpass and got into a big argument that required more police attention.
4:37 p.m. A suspected drug house in Patrick Court appeared to have been burglarized, with some of the stolen pot left on the ground outside.
11:55 p.m. An individual was arrested on a charge of assault with a deadly weapon at the never-ending donut shop.
• Tuesday, March 23 9:24 a.m. A Beverly Drive resident said that when he was out of town, someone – he suspected his roommate – picked his bedroom door lock and stole cash, spare car keys, video games and a half-pound of marijuana. He said he found some of the stuff in the roommate’s bedroom.
11:40 a.m. A Lewis Avenue resident complained that a female driver “came flying in” and parked her car the wrong way in front of a drug house.
12:22 p.m. An unlocked car on A Street surrendered its contents to a slithy tove, including a police jacket, gloves, CDs and some change.
5:16 p.m. A person was reported harassing someone with text messages and e-mails was also said to be applying for a concealed weapons permit.
8:47 p.m. A woman said she was concerned about the way a man was talking to his dog in Valley West.
9:39 p.m. A man drove six hours to show up at a Westwood Court resident’s house to rekindle a romance, but to no avail – she wants nothing to do with him.
2:29 p.m. Someone complained about the stench from a grow house near Maple Lane and Madrone Way. The landlord has been told, but doesn’t do anything.
4:54 p.m. A rabies-crazed fox on Diamond Drive at Deer Fern Court was dispatched to a better place.
5:42 p.m. A jogger was dogged by another jogger’s unleashed dog on Trail 17 in the Community Forest.
6:01 p.m. A resident at a Seventh Street mobile home court said that while he was taking a shower in the community bathroom, the maintenance guy slammed the bathroom door open and yelled at him to keep it open. Maintenance Guy had a different version. He said he knocked on the door and that the resident, who he said has PTSD, opened it violently and hit him in the nose. He said that the bathroom has been getting moldy and he wants the door open to alleviate the fungal growth.
• Thursday, March 25 9:18 a.m. Someone has reportedly stolen money and cell phones from six workers at a Northtown business. Statements were taken from employees.
9:36 a.m. A crazily-driving person downtown was located. The woman had had a heated argument with her husband, who got out to walk around and calm down. She said she’d park the car and not drive until she too had cooled off.
9:38 a.m. A man sitting at a Transit Center bench reportedly “dropped his pants” and got into an argument with some other people.
10:42 a.m. A woman said someone stole her husband’s $200 cell phone, so the owners texted a message to the phone saying they wanted it back. A return text stated that “bottom line they wanted $150” for the phone’s return.
• Friday, March 26 11:39 a.m. The day before, a Baldwin Avenue resident had reported a mama dog with a fresh litter of puppies in the rain in a backyard. An officer had investigated and determined that the animals were adequately cared for. But this day, the neighbor called back extremely upset because two of the puppies had died. An officer went to the house and picked up the mother dog and, with the owner’s permission, took her to an animal clinic. The veterinarian said the dog should be euthanized.
4:50 p.m. A Highland Court resident left his car unlocked overnight, and two pair of prescription sunglasses valued at $700 were stolen out of it.
• Saturday, March 27 2:19 a.m. Caught up in the jollity of a mega-party on Eastern Avenue, one attendee hurled a bottle at a passing car.
3:58 a.m. A massive child custody dispute enveloped a Valley West motel, with an altercation between dad and grandpa, and dad at the front desk demanding that he be given custody of the kids in Room 110.
1:41 p.m. A sick raccoon at Bayview and 16th streets was dispatched to critter heaven.
2:16 p.m. A man flung a carrot at someone at a Uniontown shopping center, striking the person in the face.
6:41 p.m. Aggressive spangers berated customers at a Valley West burger stand for their money. They were arrested on warrants.
1141 p.m. Someone threw a rock at a passing truck outside a 12th Street party, inspiring cheers from the drunken buffoons massing in the area.
• Sunday, March 28 1:18 a.m. A parolee named “Scottie” was reported selling drugs out of Room 136 at a value-priced Valley West motel.
12:17 p.m. A man in a pea coat and backpack, with a face made ruddy by outdoor life, was reported going door to door at a Valley West mobile home park. From his appearance, a resident suspected that he was casing the place. But the guy turned out to be earning a few bucks by distributing flyers for a Santa Rosa-based vacuum cleaner distributor.
3:28 p.m. A man was seen stuffing items into a culvert at 14th Street and U.S. Highway 101. An officer went there and extracted a jacket from a drain.
5:06 p.m. A couple glommed noms at a no-excuses Plaza bar and grill, then walked out without paying the $22.04 tab.
8:49 p.m. Police went to Room 136 and detained the occupant at gunpoint. His parole agent notified, and the occupant was arrested on narcotics charges.
•Monday, March 29 3:59 a.m. A Valley West woman chose this particular moment to report that someone had thrown an egg at her two days previous on Alliance Road.