• Monday, April 2 10:35 a.m. A Gameboy-resembling muscle stimulator unit was stolen from a Hallen Drive residence.
11:04 a.m. A plastic tub, tubing, funnel and a container of mystery liquid turned up near an Old Arcata Road school. The substance turned out to be soy sauce, and the salty assemblage was disposed of.
3:09 p.m. A kid at the Skate Park said a man with long gray hair and a beard appraoched him and asked, “Were you a nice person?” “I think so,” the youth responded, at which point the man took his picture. This, in turn, made the kid ask him, “Why are you stalking me?” The man then retreated to the comfort of his blue Chevy Suburban, and the youth concluded that the possibly crazy man needed police attention. The sketchy, silver-maned shutterbug was gone when an officer arrived, but he was reported making similar statements to another youth near the high school. Police found the vehicle unoccupied and its driver nearby, unable to care for himself. Both were towed to appropriate locations.
4:46 p.m. A tightrope walker near the Boat Basin was asked to end the suspense, as it was damaging trees.
4:48 p.m. On Samoa Boulevard, Curtis admitted that it was his fault.
9:26 p.m. That thud a woman heard while driving on Valley West Boulevard was an egg striking her car with sufficient force to leave a dent.
• Tuesday, April 3 8:55 a.m. A garbage rummager in Valley West was approached by a resident, and reacted with a news bulletin to the effect that he owns firearms.
1:53 p.m. Property owners contacted police about an anti-cannabis grow/215 card policy they were trying to create for tenants. They didn’t want to break the law.
3:30 p.m. A California Avenue man received a check from someone purporting to recruit him to work at Apple Corp. The man was supposed to cash the $1,900 check, keep $375 and send the rest to the recruiter, because that’s how Apple hires people, right? When he took it to the bank, he was told to call police, and did.
7:46 p.m. A man she hasn’t dated for over a month is driving past her house, sending texts threatening her, her son and her current boyfriend, and is threatening to show indecent pictures of her to everyone. These endearing tactics will win her back for sure.
• Thursday, April 5 9:09 a.m. Having had its electrical power cut for not paying a $1,500 PG&E bill, a Susan Street residence started using a generator every night.
11:08 a.m. A bald guy in a hoodie was the soul of pee-priety, if not propriety, whizzing freely on Tavern Row, literally.
3:38 p.m. Police received a confusing letter complaining that a van labeled “Clothing Care Cleaners” had been parked out front of a gate labeled “No Parking” for six days. The letter said a dog owned by the van’s owner, who was no longer in the area, was pooping on the sidewalk. Wait, what?
4:29 p.m. A man who used an Alliance Road mini-mart’s bathroom did so with sufficient enthusiasm to rip the water heater from its moorings.
7:15 p.m. Something described as a coyote was reported in the bushes in the center divide at 11th Street. The CHP told APD it wouldn’t respond as long as the animal was in the bushes. the caller then said maybe it was an emaciated dog, not a coyote.
• Friday, April 6 2:32 a.m. The Susan Street generator inspired another complaint.
1:03 p.m. The 14th Street Redwood Park lot was a tangle of cars parked all cattywampus. Police cleared ’em out, issuing citations.
3:04 p.m. A driver transporting juveniles said a group of young women in a garage at Wyatt Lane and Roberts Way flashed their breasts at the passing vehicle. Police didn’t locate any open garage doors, girls or flashing breasts in the area.
3:15 p.m. A neighbor complained of a man training “attack dogs” on Larry Street, sometimes in the street and in a full body suit.
9:22 p.m. After a hearty round of doorhandle-trying in a Uniontown parking lot, a gaggle of travelers settled down in front of a variety store to enjoy tobacco products. Police cleared the sitabout smokers.
• Saturday, April 7 1:07 a.m. The generator again. This time the residents said they’d turn it off for the night.
4:12 a.m. A woman punched her brother in the face, breaking her pinky finger.
• Sunday, April 8 1:40 a.m. A man pushed his female roommate down, so she bit his face. This made him yell. She left. He still yelled.
4:28 a.m. Staff at a Plaza hotel couldn’t help but notice the bloody-faced man yelling and dry-heaving in the front doorway.
4:43 a.m. A baby was reported not breathing at an Alliance Road address, and soon medical personnel, the coroner and detectives were enroute.
• Monday, April 9 9:18 a.m. A woman called to set up a satellite video subscription, and was told she already had an account set up in 2008 by someone using her name and Social Security number.
10:21 a.m. A woman who tried to set up a bank account was told that someone else might be using her Social Security number.
3:11 p.m. A woman reported that when her boyfriend’s sister helped her move in August, 2011, two portable computers and two children’s passports were stolen. Now, a pair of similar computers were being advertised on Craigslist.