• Friday, March 9 6:49 a.m. A man frustrated with his living situation did the only natural thing – went scream-walking down the street on Alliance Road.
7:21 a.m. Someone called to report an Alliance and Spear mini-mart open with no employees around. Police arrived, then the owner.
9:32 a.m. Someone reported a large red truck with no wheels up on jackstands in an unsafe position in Jessica Court. An officer located the precariously perched vehicle with numerous auto parts strewn around it and petroleum-based fluids spewing from it and flowing down the street. An officer declared the hulk a hazard and called for a tow truck. Then the owner arrived and agreed to lay down absorbent material for the oozing fluids, and paid a towing fee.
• Saturday, March 10 8:20 a.m. A person in some kind of medical distress was seen driving incredibly s l o w l y at 14th and H streets. The driver, a gray-haired person of diminutive stature, then stopped the car in traffic and seemed to be attempting to wave. Police had the mentally disturbed driver taken to the hospital and the vehicle was towed.
9:20 a.m. Another vehicle up on blocks, this one on Virginia Way, posed a hazard to area children. The owner agreed to lower it off the blocks.
• Sunday, March 11 3:13 p.m. Ejected undesirables at a cheap Valley West motel pulled two security cameras from the wall on their way out.
• Monday, March 12 1:24 a.m. When friends called her a cab, an extraordinarily drunk 20-something woman at 13th and Union streets tried to walk away, after a fashion. As police arrived, she was taking off her shirt. She was said to be suffering from mental issues and it was unknown what or how much psych meds she had taken. An ambulance took her away.
8:02 a.m. A woman in a large brown truck keeps honking her horn every morning at Spartan Street and Bel Aire Avenue, much to area residents’ dismay.
2:12 p.m. A cow in horizontal repose in the pasture near Samoa Boulevard and Union Street seemed to be really very truly dead, with birds clustered around feasting on the bovine bod.
7:43 p.m. Another in an unending series of free-range belligerators took up station in front of a Uniontown supermarket. From ’neath his jaunty-rancid baseball cap, he first fussed, then wandered.
11:04 p.m. An Old Arcata Road apartment dweller said her ex-boyfriend, whom she was allowing to stay with her, was following her around the apartment. Not even going into the childrens’ room to sleep could detach her from his barnacle-like fixation. Police found his judgment impaired by a recent encounter with adult beverages, and got him to leave until the potables wore off.
• Tuesday, March 13 8:27 a.m. The harrowing horn honker was finally tracked down and talked to by police on Spartan Street.
9:54 a.m. Another suspected grow house was reported on Samoa Boulevard.
Noon A non-intrepid newspaper editor and a passing architect discovered a smoldering cloth napkin inside an unsecured, unoccupied Plaza business. Police, firefighters and various responsible parties then swarmed the place, dousing the rag and securing the building, except that the lock still didn't really work, as was discovered a few days later.
4:07 p.m. A hulking mega-bus was parked outside an 11th Street church for weeks, blocking sight lines for drivers on the busy street.
8:07 p.m. A man bleeding from the face in the intersection of Ninth and K streets was ambulanced away.
• Wednesday, March 14 7:48 a.m. After a reported burglary and some chasing in an Alliance Road apartment complex, a man was arrested.
10:19 a.m. An unknown man was seen walking around inside a K Street home. An officer found a broken window on one side of the house, a window with the screen removed on the other and detained a man at gunpoint. He was arrested on a trespass charge.
12:18 p.m. Someone fell out of a truck on Ericson Way.
2:25 p.m. A former employee was reported harassing a businessperson with scary Facebook messages.
6:57 p.m. A boy went to the hospital after allegedly being socked in the jaw by a girl at school.
• Thursday, March 15 4:25 a.m. A man on Daniels Street alerted the neighborhood at the top of his lungs that he needed someone to help him lock his car. Instead, he was arrested on a public drunkenness charge.
8:58 a.m. A truck and trailer occupied by humans, yaks and goats was reported in the 1400 block of Eighth Street.
10:40 a.m. A neighbor reported a grow house, the lights for which were recently visible until being blacked out. The place was full of obvious code violations, the caller said, and a neighbor across the street had agreed with the assessment.
2:26 p.m. A citizen reported a man starting an argument with her over his grow house arrest. The man reportedly labeled the citizen a “narc” using other vulgar terminology.
10:22 p.m. A woman left a satchel, phone and camera valued at $2,000 in a van parked on I Street. The valuables are now under new, unknown ownership.