• Friday, June 11 4:03 p.m. A bike thief cut down part of a tree in order to steal the bike it was chained to in the 1300 block of Ninth Street. The owner of the yellow bike had only had it since February.
• Wednesday, June 16 2:44 a.m. With all the abundant stimulations and temptations available in modern life, someone’s idea of a grand time is meddling in the dark with water tanks on the side of a trailer in a mobile home park.
8:10 a.m. A woman met a traveler at a Sunny Brae supermarket and took him home. She left for a short time, and on returning, her new friend was gone, and so was her bicycle.
9:12 a.m. An H Street man reported reported that his motorcycle was stolen over the weekend, and that a friend had seen the theft take place. The friend followed the thieves to a location in Freshwater which was strewn with dismantled motorcycles.
10:23 a.m. A Villa Way resident held a party, and when it was over, her camera was missing.
10:26 a.m. The bedraggled throng of bon vivants known as the Fun Bunch entertained a morning visitor at their litter-laced headquarters behind the old industrial building on Samoa Boulevard. By entertained, we mean moping around while the officer dispensed trespassing warnings and arrested someone.
10:30 a.m. Meanwhile, amidst all the excitement, one of the Bunchers was dispatched toward townward toward “civilization.” By dispatched, we mean he staggered drunkenly up the train tracks and reached Samoa Boulevard, where he was seen “falling into traffic.” He soon occupied the backseat of the copcar with the previous arrestee, en route to the Pink House.
11:57 a.m. The world’s most unsympathizable beggar entreated a woman for money at 13th and G streets, his coin-cadging compromised by unzipped pants which allowed a panoramic view of that which no mortal ever would have wished to observe. The dangly wrangler ambled away, penniless but well-ventilated.
2:42 p.m. Attracted by President McKinley’s irresistible animal magnetism, which draws idlers from around the globe via a ninth-dimensional sub-channel only persons of let’s just say “alternative sanity” can detect, a man stood in the perpetually-trampled flower bed at the big man’s feet. He was de-Billed and taken to the crazy house.
3:24 p.m. A wildlife sanctuary populated by sensitive waterfowl with small children and seniors on the trails... release the hounds! Or in this case, pit bulls. For once, the inconsiderate/oblivious dog owners were caught and ticketed.
6:10 p.m. Non-contributors on the Plaza tried to sound-pollute a movie soundtrack, jeering from the sidelines at a film crew trying to shoot a scene by casting them as Hollywood elitists or something. The homegrown indie movie crew was found to have not just proper permits, plus indigenous moral cred sufficient to quell even the bibulous braying of one beer-besotted buffoon.
9:15 p.m. A man reported that the previous day, his daughter had been driving on the Arcata Bottom. When she slowed down at Foster Avenue and Seidel Road to let two passengers get out, they didn’t wait for the car to stop and instead exited the vehicle while it was still moving. The incident was referred to the CHP.
• Thursday, June 17 1:11 a.m. A Palomino Lane resident reported waking up surrounded by people she hadn’t let into her house.
1:26 a.m. There not having been a donut shop crisis for at least a few hours, the pent-up donut mojo was unleashed in a cataclysm of pointless hostility borne on wings of cocktail-infused halitosis. A man said that as he wrote down a car’s license plate number in the sallow glow of donuteria fluorescence over offenses undisclosed, three women appeared. It was their car, and they fired off volleys of verbal vituperation – threats, he said – then got in the car and drove off. This left him very annoyed.
10:57 a.m. A report was taken on a case of elder abuse.
2:28 p.m. A “very obvious” grow house was reported in an Arcata neighborhood, with “continuous activity day and night, smell of marijuana, bright lights in the window at night.” The information was forwarded to an investigator.
3:04 p.m. Someone’s unregistered hunka hunka mouldering crap car had been tagged as abandoned May 24 on Greenbriar Lane. Rather than update the Nov., 2007-vintage registration, the owner rolled the ruin over to the 200 block of California Avenue and left it there. Problem solved! Well, not really... that required a tow truck.
4:13 p.m. An Alliance Road resident exorcised her anxieties via a two-pronged approach: doses of Welbutrin and throwing a glass vase, which shattered loudly enough to alarm neighbors.
4:32 p.m. On June 11, a car was burgled in Eureka and company checks for “Our Own Chemical Co.” were taken. On this day, a man entered a G Street bank with one of the checks made out for $600, and tried to cash it. That didn’t happen, and efforts to reach the company were initially unsuccessful because the Garberville resident may be out of cell phone range.
4:50 p.m. Parents arriving at a Janes Road children’s center were immobilized at child pickup time by a single baby skunk in the doorway. It didn’t look rabid, but it was a skunk. When an officer arrived 18 minutes later, the li’l stinker had moseyed.
4:52 p.m. A woman who lives in a Bayside cottage reported being harassed by the property owner. She said he texts her bizarre statements about a were wolf coming out to get her. Then he took a package of shoes that had been delivered for her and gave the footwear to his daughter. The woman said she is moving.
5:54 p.m.A romantic entanglement loudly unraveled on the front lawn of a tan house.
7:08 p.m. A man was found in the 4000 block of Jacoby Creek Road, literally. Lying in the roadway, the man yelled that people were shooting at him. An officer took him to jail, but he was so combative that he had to be “hobbled” for restraint.
7:42 a.m. Someone didn’t like construction noise in Westwood. It’s just that time-traveling an aged ’50s-era supermarket into a 21st century food emporium is a noisy undertaking.
9:25 a.m. A despondent person told a friend on the phone that he was was thinking of “giving up and taking a long walk.” The friend was concerned that this was a vague reference to suicide.
1:38 p.m. A skunk showed up on the deck of a children’s center again. It was dispatched and taken to the Corpse Yard.
3:14 p.m. A Samoa Boulevard resident reported someone having been in his apartment. Evidence included an opened sliding glass door, knocked-over plants and a powered-up computer.
9:25 p.m. A citizen reported fresh incidents of harassment in an ongoing series, these consisting of an egg-besplattered front door and some sort of “white goo,” possibly shaving cream, in the mailbox.
10:57 p.m. A white sedan circled a Sunny Brae hardware store, with one person concerned that someone was casing the joint. A few weeks ago several individuals were spotted by a citizen trying to heist a generator from the place, and on seeing someone seeing them scampered away, leaving the thing sitting in the street.
• Saturday, June 19 4:44 a.m. A disoriented woman using a walker in Northtown told passersby that she was having trouble finding her way home and that she was having trouble with Patrick.
8:31 a.m. A driver talking on a cell phone and pulling in to a parking spot behind the donut shop reported a man in a black sweatshirt yelling at her for breaking the law, and said she felt “very threatened.”
9:01 a.m. An elderly man at the transit center resisted being put on a bus by his son, and let him and everyone within earshot know about it. Police provided counseling; dad ’n’ lad headed home together.
9:37 a.m. A raccoon and oppossum frolicked, sort of, in a J Street resident’s backyard. The latter creature appeared to be “playing dead.”
11:43 a.m. When a Daniel Boone facsimile showed up at the Oyster Festival, someone became concerned about his black powder long gun. An officer found Dan’l clad in buckskin and carrying a number of weapons. He was asked to leave.
2:12 p.m. Drunkard-related excitement took place in the alley behind the Plaza’s east side.
2:30 p.m. Drunkard-related excitement took place in the alley behind the Plaza’s north side.
2:30 p.m. Druggie-related excitement took place in the alley behind the Plaza’s north side. One euphoria-traumatized soul was ambulanced away, said to be on Ecstasy.
3:26 p.m. Why anyone would need to bring weapons to a community festival is not clear, even a faux frontiersman. What is clear is that the person got as far as the wristband area at Ninth and G streets before being arrested.
3:30 p.m. Drunkard-infused excitement took place in the alley behind the Plaza’s north side.
3:35 p.m. Drunk.
3:48 p.m. Drugged.
4:14 p.m. Driving drunk or drugged.
4:15 p.m. Drunk. Donut shop.
4:31 p.m. A man bleeding from the hand was swiiling booze from a cup at Ninth and H streets. But he helpfully explained how none of this was his fault – someone had placed the cup in his hand and stabbed him.
4:55 p.m. A woman was accidentally pushed down along Tavern Row, and broke her arm.
5:26 p.m. Drunk.
5:27 p.m. A disoriented man – do we even need to say that he had been drinking? – sat on top of someone’s car on I Street, his face dripping blood. He said he had been assaulted but wouldn’t go into detail.
6:10 p.m. A man was reported driving down Baldwin Street in a red pickup truck and beating his girlfriend at the same time. At some point she hopped out and started walking, and he drove away but then came back, apparently looking for her. A number of neighbors looked on as he then jumped out of the truck and chased after her. An officer found the truck and then the man and woman, who were having a perfectly legal verbal dispute.
7:06 p.m. You know your will to live is tenuous when you threaten suicide on a streetcorner for being thrown out of a hardware store. A witness disgnosed the man on the spot as crazy.
7:12 p.m. A man on California Avenue was assaulted, leaving his “head split,” and his girlfriend said three friends had done it.
7:12 p.m. A woman so drunk she couldn’t maintain a vertical alignment was retrieved from the pavement at City Hall and taken to the hospital.
7:20 p.m. Fighting drunk.
8:55 p.m. The real-world speed limit along 25 mph-posted 11th Street is something between 35 and 40 mph, but a green Camaro reportedly quadrupled the limit into three figures. Located nearby, a green Camaro driver denied even being on 11th Street, so the officer advised the driver and left. The little talk must have done some good, because shortly thereafter, the Camaro was reported driving at reduced speed – 80 mph.
• Sunday, June 20 1:19 a.m. A man reported that someone had walked up to him outside a Plaza tavern, punched him in the face and walked away. He declined medical help for his bloody lip.
3:41 a.m. A woman called 911 from her car, reporting that she had just struck her and that they were parked somewhere in an unknown residential area of Arcata. She couldn’t see a street sign, and when asked her name, she replied that she was from Wyoming and hung up. A call-back got a voicemail with a man’s voice and no names given.
4:01 a.m. Police found the vehicle on D Street and a man inside confirmed that he had a girlfriend from Wyoming, but she wasn’t anywhere around.
8:54 a.m. A dozen ducklings stopped traffic on the Samoa Boulevard freeway overpass.