ARCATA, APRIL 1 – Taking a cue from the old “Where’s Waldo?” fad, the Department of Pandering at Humdolt University has launched a counterpart “Where’s Lisa?” campaign for the whereabouts of President Lisa Lostbacher.
Humdolt Associate Vice President for Pandering Frank Pangloss hopes his “Where’s Lisa?” promotion will curb sniping about his boss as “Lisa Who?” “President-in-Absentia” and “Madam Phantom.”
He concedes a campus pool has attracted scores of bets on how many months will pass before the next Lostbacher sighting. He also admits he hasn’t posted a press release about her in 15 months. Veeps and deans complain that retired Presidents Enrichmond and Macaroon appear more often in local newspapers and on television than Lostbacher does.
There are suspicions she is hiding in fear of a no-confidence vote. But ever upbeat, Pangloss exulted in an interview with the Lumberslack, the alleged student newspaper widely recognized as a pastiche of vapidity and inaccuracy, “There can’t be a no-confidence vote against a Virtual President!”