• Tuesday, June 15 9:23 p.m. When a treacherous cretin tried to steal a guy’s trailer frame at 13th and F streets, he dispensed some slipshod, hastily contrived bafflegab about having bought it from some guy whose name he didn’t quite know, then skedaddled, leaving his imaginary purchase behind.
3:59 p.m. A behoodied badass wandered Valley West waving two knives in each hand, menacing at least one citizen with the fearsome blades. In short order, Wayward Stabbyhands was arrested on a drunk in public charge.
7:55 p.m. A St. Louis Road resident had friends stay with him overnight, during which thieves raided their vehicle of tools, a backpack full of camping gear and an electric bicycle.
• Wednesday, June 16 11:56 a.m. An array of abandoned vehicles clumped up on city property in the Eighth Street area of the Creamery District, forming something of a museum of discarded defunctitude. There was a clapped-out ’90s Lexus, that decade’s emerging luxury leader, now a spent flivver; an unoccupied pop-up trailer with no plates but many tales to tell; a vacant old Honda camper with vintage plates, a hollow husk of someone’s search for America or whatever; and a green, well-loved ’90s green Subaru wagon, its adventures, like those of its corroded cohort, lost in the smog-tinged mists of time.