• Wednesday, December 21 4:14 p.m. In the six minutes’ time it took for an officer to get to the reported yelling at the transit center, the noise had subsided. Since you can’t dust for howling, the culprit escaped justice.
• Friday, December 23 4:14 p.m. What started out as a vehicle theft report in Valley West involved someone held at gunpoint, arrests and narcotics charges.
1:57 p.m. Cars crashed near 11th and F, ruining a couple peoples’ days but leaving them uninjured.
• Saturday, December 24 1:12 p.m. A cat climbed inside a car’s engine compartment and things did not go well when the car was started. Following treatment, it was taken to the shelter.
• Christmas 2:13 p.m. One traveler pleasured another in a Samoa Boulevard parking lot as a man walked by with his two-year-old and a camera. Yes, we have the pictures and no, they don't contribute anything to human enlightenment. The torrid travs were arrested on drunkenness charges.
3:58 p.m. An unattended car rolled downhill on Union Street, coming to rest in unstable fashion between 13th and 14th streets. Police had it towed, then entered the vehicle and found a bag of pot and a pipe. A woman came to the station to claim the car, but police told her to come back the next day when staff was there to release it to her.
6:52 p.m. A berserk scrounge lizard attacked what’s left of the battered foliage on the Plaza, shaking the plants, pulling them out and of course, yelling. He boogied before police arrived.
• Monday, December 26 2:14 p.m. Two motorcycles and a quadrunner were seen entering the Community Forest from Fickle Hill Road. This was followed by further reports of motor vehicles invading the trails.
• Tuesday, December 27 2:04 p.m. A woman came home to her upper H Street residence and found a traveler asleep on her couch. She let him out and he padded away in an unknown direction.
• Thursday, December 29 10:36 a.m. A man who saw something suspicious in Southern Humboldt on Monday waited until he randomly encountered an APD officer three days later to tell the story. At the pullout where the soil from the slide is being placed 10 miles north of Garberville, he said he saw a tent, two bikes and two backbacks rummaged through and scattered down an embankment. His dog alerted on the area and he was worried that people might be dead or injured there. The report was passed to HCSO.
• December 30 1:02 p.m. Some keys stolen in a burglary were recovered in a stolen car. A school official called to see if the keys belong to her school before she had the whole school re-keyed.
2:59 p.m. A car plummeted into a creek on Samoa Boulevard.
4:45 p.m. After a teen shoplifter failed to steal poppy seeds from an I Street store, a parent was called for the sad ride home.
6:30 p.m. A car struck a pedestrian on Samoa Boulevard, causing a head injury.
• Friday, December 30 11:54 a.m. A scruffy-bearded man graced City Hall’s lobby with talk of taking a dump there. He was arrested on a public drunkenness charge.
2:06 a.m. Someone who had actually lodged for a month at a Valley West motel whose rooms are frequently used for sleazebag soirées suddenly disappeared, leaving behind expensive medical texts. Management there was told that the guest hadn’t been arrested by APD. The books were put in storage.
• New Year’s Eve 11:22 a.m. A skateboarder fussed and swore at himself in front of the Community Center. He was advised of the complaint.
• New Year’s Day 12:02 a.m. Two minutes into the New Year, the first drunk was scraped off Tavern Row. With a small army of cops crawling the Plaza proper, almost all the hot ’n’ stupid activity was concentrated on Ninth Street, from which officers plucked the more lugubriously pickled.
12:09 a.m. ’Nother one.
12:11 a.m. Yep.
12:23 a.m. After a 12-minute mini-epoch of arrest-free jollity, another soused soul was clapped in cuffs in front of a bar.
1:14 a.m. Fireworks fired off in the road at 11th and K ended in an arrest, one which the arrestee wasn’t especially happy about.
1:16–1:37 a.m. Drunk drivers arrested in Valley West and the Plaza.
1:58 a.m. Yet another drunk in front of the bars.
2:18 a.m.–2:25 a.m. Noise complaints drew police to F Street and Northtown.
2:36 a.m. Drunk, Ninth and F streets.
2:44 a.m. Drunk, 11th and J streets.
3:32 a.m. DUI, 17th and Q streets.
4:13 a.m. Someone heralded 2012 with a 45-minute bout of buzzing an H Street apartment dweller’s door intercom.
9:47 a.m. A vehicle in Benjamin Court was slithy toved, the rummagings yielding registration and insurance paperwork.
10:40 a.m. A stop sign at 11th and D streets was turned facing the wrong way. An officer reversed it.
7:13 p.m. Youths attempted to steal three bottles of Smirnoff Ice from an 11th Street store, but dropped the boozy loot and scampered. The whole thing was videotaped.
11:21 p.m. Three teens boozed their way through the drive-thru lane of a Valley West burgery, asking the employee in the take-out if she “wanted a shot.”
• Monday, January 2 2:02 p.m. A youth who had chugged a “Monster” energy drink on Heather Lane was left over-amped, his heart racing. His mom took care of him.
3:07 p.m. A citizen complained of a perceived inequity in enforcement. Her boyfriend’s truck had been towed for expired registration and because it couldn’t pass a smog test, but then she saw an officer cite and release another driver for expired registration and not take the car.
3:56 p.m. A man in a gray beanie and sweat pants visited his woeful financial fortunes on a Valley West laundromat, repeatedly defrauding it of chump change by unspecified micro-diabolical means.