Mad River Union
• Friday, April 25 12:14 a.m. There is a little gang of juvenile thugs in McKinleyville who refer to themselves as the Mac Town Boys, apparently too dumb to merit a “k” in their mealy-mouthed moniker. These feral teens like to move around town vandalizing and spreading misery wherever they go. On this particular night, two of the Mac Town Boys decided to get violent. For no apparent reason, they allegedly assaulted another male juvenile in front of the Safeway at the McKinleyville Shopping Center. One of the males slugged the victim in the face with his fist, while the other bashed the victim with his skateboard. The object of all this thugly abuse had to be rushed to the hospital. One of the Mac Town Boys was arrested on suspicion of assault with a deadly weapon and battery. He was booked into Juvenile Hall. The other derpy perp is under investigation. One clue as to why these kids may act so rotten came when a deputy informed the mother that her son had been arrested. The Mac Town Mom became enraged not at her son, but at the deputy for making the arrest of her little angel.
3:10 a.m. Over on Cobblestone Court in McKinleyville, Travis Harvey allegedly pummeled his ex-girlfriend’s boyfriend in the face, breaking his nose. The girlfriend tried to stop the fight, but found herself getting pummeled as well. The Sheriff’s Office is seeking a warrant for pummel-happy Harvey’s arrest on suspicion of battery with serious bodily injury.
• Saturday, April 26 10:26 p.m. Joshua Hellyer was three sheets to the wind, passed out behind a slot machine at a casino in the Trinidad area. Plan A was for the drunkard to take a cab home, but Hellyard was so drunk he couldn’t remember where he lived. So Plan B was carried out: Hellyer the half-pickled hellion was arrested on suspicion of public intoxication and booked into the county jail.
• Sunday, April 27 4:28 p.m. The moronic Mac Town Boys are suspected of slashing tires in the 1700 block of Heartwood Drive in McKinleyville.
11:35 p.m. A thief liberated tools from a vehicle on Sun Road in McKinleyville.
• Tuesday, April 29 1:07 a.m. Craig Huntzinger, who is on parole, allegedly entered a woman’s home on Wahl Street in Blue Lake and slapped her.
6:54 a.m. The staff of the McKinleyville Family Resource Center on Hiller Road arrived to work and discovered that someone had broken into the building during the night and stolen bus passes, gas vouchers and McDonald’s vouchers.
• Wednesday, April 30 8:29 a.m. A familiar scene unraveled on Evergreen Court in McKinleyville as a resident woke up and discovered that a vehicle had been burglarized sometime during the night. A window was smashed. A cellphone and a wallet were missing from the vehicle.
11:55 a.m. Deputies investigated an alleged case of bigamy on Holly Drive in McKinleyville’s Heartwood subdivision.
12:52 p.m. The thieves that prowl the night inflicted misery on a resident on Aspen Court in McKinleyville. Vehicle glass smashed, items stolen.
7:35 p.m. Whitney Wilson, AKA Patrick, allegedly assaulted a woman and stole money from her at the Mill Creek Marketplace in McKinleyville. Wilson and the victim have a history of violence between them, according to the Sheriff’s Office.