• Thursday, February 16 3:04 p.m. A woman from New Jersey with no identification attempted to withdraw money from a Plaza bank, but it doesn’t work that way. She was arrested on a warrant.
7:22 p.m. A man at the traffic circle at 13th and J streets was described as wearing a jacket with metal items on the shoulder and swinging an axe. Police searched for, but didn’t find him.
7:51 p.m. A man in a leather jacket with metal items on the shoulder was seen walking down F Street swinging a battle axe. Two police units responded and found him with a prop axe. He was counseled.
11:34 p.m. Lower G Street residents non-amicably argued at considerable volume over “house rules.” They found agreement though, on a concept introduced by APD officers though, a key tenet of which was that they leave each other alone for the night.
• Friday, February 17 9:12 a.m. A downtown employee reported that her husband had threatened to come to her work and shoot her. It wasn’t known whether he had access to guns.
9:28 a.m. Someone entered a car on Hyland Street and stole a makeup bag, so if you see someone wearing stolen makeup, it might be them.
10:17 a.m. A supermarket wasn’t eager to cash a funny-looking check written for $3,000.51, and even the sum seems odd.
12:47 p.m. A wandering cat set off an 11th Street resident, who chased a cat to another house and railed at the owner that he’d hurt the cat if it came into his yard again.
1:36 p.m. A man with black, curly hair was caught peeing inside an antiquarian bookstore. He then marched purposefully away up H Street.
1:47 p.m. A woman said a man in a black t-shirt and bonus foamy mouth blocked her path near the Skate Park, just up the stret from the bookstore. She asked him if he was OK, and he said he was walking home. All in all, the encounter was not particularly memorable except for the foam, which ironically is the plot element crying out for some willful amnesia.
2:01 p.m. A Sunset Avenue resident called police while cowering inside his locked bedroom west of the Skate Park. He said a man in a dark shirt with a curly hair was inside his apartment. He told the interloper that he was in the wrong apartment, but the man say, no, he wasn’t. Police arrived to find the deranged invader man outside the apartment, and arrested him on a public drunkenness charge.
3:07 p.m. A man let someone take his car two or three months previous on the theory that he would be paid for the vehicle at some point. This never happened, and police told him it was a civil matter.
3:18 p.m. “Come here and get in the van.” Not exactly the words a white-bearded man in a silver van ought to be saying to a male child riding his scooter home from school at 10th and Q streets. The crafty lad acted like he didn’t hear the sicko’s entreaties, went home and told his dad right away.
3:55 p.m. A citizen reported two men at Klopp Lake, one of them dressed up as a “Ninja” and really getting into playing the part. The fearsome Humboldt Ninjan distinguished himself as a fearless warrior by flinging knives at a tree, then climbing it to retrieve them and “going through the motions” of making Ninja kicks. He and his one-schlub audience two were associated with a black Dodge that had no license plates, just a paper sign that said “Car Max.” Having vanquished the tree, the Ninja warrior and his puny posse of one escaped in their mommy van.
4:19 p.m. A man whose backpackwas stolen from his car said there were “chips” in his passport that would help police find it.
4:34 p.m. A man said that three weeks previous, a guy holding a beer on H Street had called him a “faggot.”
4:46 p.m. A Craigslist ad for some tires and mags priced at $300 brought a G Street man a scam check for $2,900. His wife told police.
7:36 p.m. When a woman got a wrong-number call on her cell phone, the male misdialer made a connection he just couldn’t seem to let go of. He continued to call back until police left him a message to knoock it off, and meanwhile she found a way to block the number.
• Saturday, February 18 1:18 a.m. Affirming again the inverse relationship between brainpower and decibel output, roaming inconsiderati positioned their music-blasting offenso-mobile outside a Plaza hotel, opened the doors to better broadcast the IQ-plummeting blare, and started dancing in the street. In keeping with their truncated attention spans and after waking the hotel’s lodgers, the porta-party packed up and clattered away to the next conquest.