• Tuesday, May 24 10 p.m. An abandoned Valley West motel is proving tempting to ethically compromised types who would steal the appointments within.
10:12 p.m. A woman said that after declining a man’s invitation to “hang out” at a Plaza bar, he got all huffy-howly and as she left, accelerated the inevitable arc of their would-be-but-won’t relationship directly from first bewitching blush of ardor through intermediary stages of familiarity, ennui, loathing and contempt, and directly to domestic violence all within minutes by “smacking her” on the back of her head. She wasn’t sure whether the hopeless romantic was worth pressing charges.
The sax player’s alleyway squeals
Were a singular sonic ordeal
For neighbors around
Who called cops downtown
To have the brass blasting repealed
11:13 p.m. A Valley West apartment dweller complained about loud banging and slamming from upstairs. Though the noise had stopped, she wanted police to come and figure out where it had been coming from.
• Wednesday, May 25 2:07 p.m. A woman told police that her great grandfather had founded Richardson’s Grove, and that people tabling on the Plaza against Caltrans’ plans for it were keeping the money for their personal use.
4:12 p.m. A handgun was stolen from a car in a Westwood parking lot. Though the vehicle had been locked, there was no sign of forced entry.
8:21 p.m. A shoplifter not content with the usual salami nuggets filled up two bags with groceries and took off from a 13th Street marketplace. When an employee yelled at him, he dropped the bags, hopped in a small, blue truck and jammed south on H Street.
10:17 p.m. A slacker debauch on Sixth Street was sullied by various forms of licentious abandon, including people talking loudly and either “drums or drumming.”
• Thursday, May 26 2:26 a.m. A man was reported mired on the sidewalk at 11th and H streets, trying to gain elevation with the assistance of his personal motivational trainer. As the pavemented one attempted to stand up, his labors were either aided or hampered by the man who was kicking and yelling at him. On eventually conquering gravity, the man was taken to a friend’s house for interim rehab.
11:21 p.m. Another man proved that pavement wallowers can vocalize too. From his putrid perch at the Arcata Service Center’s “bullpen” (a dogs and smoking sanctuary), the face-tattoed fellow bitched out passersby until told to move along.
• Friday, May 27 2:40 a.m. A woman reported having been employed by a “creep” who made sexual comments to her three months previous. Now he continued to harass her, but hadn’t yet physically touched her.
9:11 a.m. A South G Street business reported gas lines on its vehicles cut and a man’s hat left nearby. Something similar had happened at the company’s Eureka location.
11:49 a.m. Somewhere between a Uniontown supermarket and his L.K. Wood Boulevard home, a man’s wallet vanished and rematerialized in the hands of an unknown opportunist who charged $18 on the man’s debit card at an Alliance Road gas station.
2:17 p.m. Vulgarians debated in guttural terms near an historic downtown storehouse. One wore a pink hoody, the other camo and a guitar.
2:49 p.m. Police initiated a rape investigation.
3:39 p.m. A mother in Los Angeles became alarmed when she got an abandoned vehicle letter for her car, supposedly in use by her son, a graduating HSU student. She said he was supposed to have headed home two weeks previous, but hadn’t, and her phone calls went unanswered. Police went to his home, but no one came to the door, and neighbors didn’t know anything either.
4:24 p.m. A man said that he’d been in a very minor collision on May 4 in an apartment building parking lot which resulted in a four-inch scratch on the other car. The drivers had exchanged information, then parted civilly. But now the man was calling him over and over, claiming it had been a hit-and-run and that criminal charges would follow.
6:21 p.m. A Diamond Drive resident reported a rabid chipmunk in his bird feeder.
• Saturday, May 28 1:04 a.m. A man called 911 from the Emergency Room, stating that he wanted to leave.
2:03 a.m. A Seventh Street resident said his majorly drunked-up roommate had fallen and busted his head, but was belligerent and refused to go to the hospital. Then some friends with a car showed up and it looked like they could get him to the ER.
2:29 a.m. ER personnel called to say the man’s intoxication turned out to involve psychedelics, and that he was “freaking out” in the roadway in front of the hospital. The man could be heard screaming in the background.
3:05 a.m. An extremely upset, crying and drunk-sounding woman called to say that someone had dropped her off “in the middle of nowhere,” which turned out to be a Valley West parking lot. Officers gave her and another woman a courtesy transport to a 27th Street location.
3:07 a.m. The drunk/tripping hurt-head guy’s roommate called to report his problematic cohabitant had assaulted him following the head injury. An officer went to talk to him, and at that point he said that he had never actually been assaulted, but wanted to give his side of the story.
6:06 p.m. Two men sitting inside a black Mercedes on East 12th Street were reported sucking on a metal vial.
6:50 p.m. A 40-something man had veered off course from his Union Street residence and was foundering around aimlessly at the Community Center. Police easily located the only white-hatted stumbler with a tote bag of despair and a beer. Not far enough into his cups to be caged, he was escorted back to his nearby apartment.
7:43 p.m. A nine-year-old called from Stewart Avenue to report that dad was hitting mom. He was arrested (the dad, not the kid).
• Sunday, May 29 4:57 a.m. A Chester Avenue resident heard people “cussing” at each other outside. He said he confronted the newspaper delivery employees and they wanted to fight.
7:07 a.m. A green iPod nano was left in a Westwood Center car overnight.
10:08 a.m. College flags were stolen right off a California Avenue residence’s flagpole.
12:33 p.m. “I’m going to die... This is it... I can’t do this any more... No one will help me...” These are the things said by someone with a long history of alcohol and addictive behavior who is strung out on Vicodin and Prozac in a Valley West motel.
• Monday, May 30 2:04 a.m. An argumentative type inspired several verbal disputes and at least one bloody brawl behind the bars, which migrated inexorably toward the donut shop, there to disperse amid a splatter of corpuscles.
2:19 a.m. The central antagonist staggered down 10th Street to an L Street residence, his head wound gushing blood. Medical personnel responded to his residence and carted him off to the hospital, after which police secured his residence.
3 a.m. An intoxicated man called from 11th and D streets to report his car stolen. Police didn’t find him there, but then he called in from Ninth and D streets to report that he had found his vehicle. Police intercepted him in traffic at the place he’d first called from, and arrested him on a DUI charge.
7:59 a.m. A neighbor of the alley brawler, unaware of the previous night’s burly brouhaha, reported having heard all kindsa banging and yelling in the middle of the night, and now blood all over the guy’s front door. Been there done that, police said.
9:59 p.m. A car at L.K. Wood Boulevard and Granite Avenue pushed the envelope of the 20-minute parking zone by remaining there for several weeks. HSU Police told the registered owner that the car’s time was up.
12:05 p.m. A woman was found lying in the street next to her car at Seventh and J streets. Emergency forces responded and determined that there had been no accident. She had fallen asleep in the car, then accidentally opened the door and fallen out, continuing her slumbers on the pavement.
12:32 p.m. A person at 13th and J streets was reported walking agitatedly around the block over and over.