The big challenge at Fit-Club this week was to take a “spin” class. Prior to being a member of HealthSPORT, I thought that “spinning” was something that happened when you had an over abundance of alcohol or washed your clothes. Now that I’m soooo much wiser I know that spinning is a form of torture that involves a stationary bike, a screaming trainer and a VERY VERY small seat. In any case, I’m committed.
It all starts innocently enough. I make my way up the stairs at HealthSPORT to Nicole’s class. In the hallway I run in to Jimmy (he’s a nice young guy that works at the club). He senses my anxiety and tells me spin isn’t so bad, that I’ll get “used” to it and that I’ll even grow to LOVE it. This is a pretty ambitious statement for a young man who has no clue what my insides are feeling, but whatever, who am I to argue.
I enter the room and find a bike near the back. The first thing I notice is that there are several adjustments I need to make (one for the handle bars, one to move the seat up, and one to move the seat forward). Keeping in mind that I am about as handy as Kevin Hoover is likely to wear a tie, I give it the old Girl Scout try hoping to at least tighten the hardware enough so that the seat does not collapse! I hop up there and discover that there’s one more obstacle to overcome. I need to get my feet tied into the straps of the pedals. Now I’m really committed.
Enter Nicole, our instructor, you know the kind, tiny, cute, a complete nightmare wearing one of those microphones you strap to your head like Madonna. She tells us to turn on the control panel and explains the “knob.” The knob, it turns out controls the resistance of the bike. I am thinking I wish I had a knob to control my resistance to chocolate cake and alcohol, then none of this would be necessary.
The music starts and off we go, “pedal faster” Nicole yells, “chase the person in front, turn up the resistance,” and finally (music to my ears) she says “stand up. My ass is on fire, and this is not a reflection of my performance, my ass really hurts! Maybe that’s why you burn so many calories spinning. I stand, I hover, I stabilize and do everything that Nicole says to do, thoughts of WHY WHY WHY ringing in my brain! PLEASE just don’t make me sit down again!
I should’ve come to class with a large soft pillow to place over the seat or at my friend Kitty’s suggestion (she’s a smart Librarian) to wear Depends. By now, however, the Depends would have swollen to twice their size from the sweat running off my body. Bike seats were definitely not invented by a proctologist.
Nicole continues to provide direction, with lots of focus on the knob, my thoughts are reduced to “tighten equals bad and loosen equals good” the last thing on my mind is talking (a first for me) or watching what others are doing.
Thankfully I am on a stationary bike or I’d be hydroplaning in my own sweat that has now begun to pool under my bicycle. I pedal faster and faster, focusing my energy in my pedals, I’m not really going anywhere but apparently we’ve reached our destination because class is over. I’m soaking wet, my butt is numb, and I’m not really sure if I’ll be able to sit again but other than that, I’m feeling really good.
I guess Jimmy was right, spin is kind of addicting and I’m actually hooked on it. NO I don’t intend on riding the Arcata Ridge Trail anytime soon...but I do have my eye on a bike with a BIG SOFT SEAT at Revolution Bicycles....and I’m quite sure that when the weather gets nicer, you’ll see me riding up and down (mostly down) Arcata.
Next: Ohhhhmmmmm... Yoga anyone?
Debi “Twiggy” Farber Bush is shrinking minute by minute.