’Cause Everyone Is Rock ’Em-Sock ’Em Robots – January 18, 2012

• Wednesday, December 14 9:48 p.m. A campfire set a tree stump on fire about 50 yards past the gate on the 14th Street side of Redwood Park.

Thursday, December 15 9:15 a.m. A dog discovered abandoned in a crate on I Street was transported to the county shelter.

10:33 a.m. As fate would have it, another dog was reported left in a crate during the day all the way across town on Weott Way while the owner works in a nearby office. The caller said the dog was neglected during the day, but the owner denied this, saying she took care of it during her breaks.

12:51 p.m. A man was reported toting garbage bags full of marijuana on Seventh Street. He was found and arrested.

4:16 p.m. A 10th Street resident came home to find a table smashed and computer stolen from his home. The windows had been left open, allowing free access for a malicious opportunivore.

4:42 p.m. As a man exited the Post Office, he noticed a vehicle backing into his car. he “made the suspect aware of the situation,” at which point the driver went all Rock ’Em-Sock ’Em Robots on him, started cursing and intentionally backed into his car with even more force. This left minor damage on a bumper.

7:14 p.m. A coat and wallet left in a car at 10th and J streets were smash-and-grabbed.

10:34 p.m. A woman was found deceased on Greenbriar Lane.

Friday, December 16 10:39 a.m. Someone was reported throwing fish guts down a drain in Sunny Brae, but police couldn’t find the gut-dumper.

11:25 a.m. A Valley West motel manager reported suspicious activity in a room where two men were staying. Ladies in inappropriate dress were seen coming and going from the room.

3:02 p.m. When a man “charged” his sister and her husband, she spritzed him with pepper spray. Police advised them go their separate ways and cool down.

6:10 p.m. An argument over a pack of cigarettes led a lad to strike his dad with a brick and punch a hole in the wall.

Saturday, December 17 12:17 a.m. A divorce is difficult enough, but add an epilepsy diagnosis and one’s stress level might become intolerable.

Sunday, December 18 6:31 a.m. A left-behind cable modem was the ostensible reason a man kept trying to enter a woman’s home, audaciously inserting his insolent foot in the door when she tried to close it.

Monday, December 19 10:22 a.m. A Sixth Street resident left her purse in the car overnight. Well, for most of the night, as by morning it had been removed, processed by a slithy tove and left lying in the street, its wallet missing.

10:53 a.m. A purse containing $180, a wallet and more was left in an unlocked car in Valley West, with predictably slithy tove-influenced results.

3:54 p.m. A motorhome parked on South I Street reportedly disgorged numerous off-leash dogs and chickens, these joining multiple other off-leash dogs in the area which is supposedly a wildlife sanctuary.

Tuesday, December 20 1:25 a.m. A woman in a white fur coat and gray spandex pants whipped out a “blade” and started cutting down Plaza Christmas ornaments. Police found her tipsy but weaponless and posing no menace to the Season of Wonder and Light.

11:43 a.m. A woman wrapping packages at the table in the Post Office lobby set her wallet down on top of a wreath next to her, at which point Scruffy McSociopath strolled by, plucked the wallet and strode out the door. The woman and her boyfriend fully observed this and went after the thief. He threw the wallet at the woman and hopped in a waiting truck, which only made it two blocks down H Street before being pulled over by Scotland Yard APD. Alas, no officer had observed the theft and charges would be feeble, so the near-victim chose not to prosecute.

5:27 p.m. Sexual comments made to a woman at a burrito truck didn’t go over so well, and the roadside seducer was told to GTFO.

11:41 p.m. A dreadlocked man set up a “temple” complete with burning candle in the recessed doorway of an H Street shop. He was advised to move along.

• Wednesday, December 21 12:05 a.m. A man hung his jacket on a hook in a Plaza bar, and it and the iPhone in its pocket were stolen. Using the Find My iPhone app, the owner located it at a residence in county jurisdiction.

9:13 a.m. The supremely good judgment it took to leave cameras and other items in a car on the 14th Street freeway bridge was rewarded with window breakage and disappearance of the same items.

3:48 p.m. Even if the items in a car look like they kinda might sorta possibly be something of value, they are as good as gone. A woman came out to her car parked behind an historic Plaza storehouse to find her car window smashed and a flowered purple bag containing clothes, shoes and makeup taken.

7:29 p.m. Roommate relations on Chester Avenue took a slight dip when someone pulled a knife during an argument over broken computer equipment. A router and “coffee hopper” were further damaged during the squabble.

11:14 p.m. A woman left her backpack in her car at a Fourth Street market.

• Thursday, December 22 9:50 a.m. A person came to the police station to provide information “of no significant importance.”

11:10 a.m. Someone using a hospital bathroom took the opportunity to write vulgar things about her boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend on the wall, including her phone number.

12:39 p.m. Paranoid, manic, confused and angry – not a good combination.

1:17 p.m. Someone left a “big metal wheel” in front of a J Street resident’s front door, making it all but impossible to enter or exit.

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2 Comments

  1. oag said:

    I was robbed at lufenholtz (sp?) Beach one time. They used a bar to pry the door/post apart.. $990 in damages.. they got my new work briefcase, containing a mug that said “YOU MAKE the DIFFERANCE!), the Humboldt resources list, and child needs guide, and a collage of magazine clippings representing “who I am”. I had been at a feel good work conference in manila all day.. lol. It literally reeked of tweekers. Oh and they left all of the many leftover food items. Go figure. I was tothed slithily 6 times. Only one time, the first, did they get anything of value. When I had to shoot the .45 at/near a burglar at 4am on Hampton rd, I moved. Um I miss it there, but I haven’t been robbed since. Nor have I discovered any more dead bodies… Geez skeez, of Humboldt thanks for those memories.. to the rest, the good folk, Haha, keep it sane. Expecting to be robbed and or pillaged, shouldn’t be the norm. Stay solid

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