• Friday, March 9 6:49 a.m. A man frustrated with his living situation did the only natural thing – went scream-walking down the street on Alliance Road. 7:21 a.m. Someone called to report an Alliance and Spear mini-mart open with no employees around. Police arrived, then the owner. 9:32 a.m. Someone reported a large red…
8:56 a.m. A big ’ol garbage bag ’o trim was reported dumped on the switchback path from Seventh Street to the Community Park. It didn’t survive the 20 minutes it took officers to arrive on scene.
6:51 p.m. There was more fistfighting than usual going on in the the deli section of the Uniontown supermarket. Police arrived 70 seconds after the combat between a youth and store security was reported. In exactly one half-hour, the boy was arrested, cited for shoplifting and released to a responsible adult.
4:30 p.m. Irony was abundant when the only video shop in town that has a faux tower attached to it lost a copy of Tower Heist to a thief. Also, the Heist-heist was caught on video.
9:28 a.m. Someone entered a car on Hyland Street and stole a makeup bag, so if you see someone wearing stolen makeup, it might be them.
11:09 a.m. The donut shop’s alley was well represented by languid guzzler-tokers, one of whom was equipped with a stick. Police meandered into the medicating millabouts’ milieu and arrested one on a warrant.
1:49 p.m. Humboldt Homie: jeans, pitbull, wife that threatens your ex that she’ll “beat her ass.”
3:21 p.m. A red-haired man went to a house at 11th and J streets and demanded food, saying he hadn’t eaten in 20 days. He left, “pulling tennis shoes attached to a hanger.”
6:27 a.m. A man in a hoodie was reported “gyrating” in front of City Hall.
2:14 p.m. A man in knee-high rubber boots asked a stranger at a Valley West shopping center if he smoked marijuana.