4:12 p.m. A man was reported kneeling in the roadway on the Plaza, then wandering in McKinley’s direction as all wiggo wingnuts are wont to do at one time or another. As an officer drove him to the hospital, he forewarned the ER that the guy might be “on LSD” and to have restraints ready. There, he was deemed drunk and so obstreperous that he had to be ferried to the bin and its berserker-friendly rubber rooms.
11:57 a.m. The world’s most unsympathizable beggar entreated a woman for money at 13th and G streets, his coin-cadging compromised by unzipped pants which allowed a panoramic view of that which no mortal never would have wished to observe. The dangly wrangler ambled away, penniless but well-ventilated.
• Tuesday, June 14 2:21 a.m. The alley behind a downtown hardware store serves the spillover crowd from the Carport of Mystery, Adventure and Romance, a popular venue for any manner of after-hours recreational activities, just a stumble away from the donut shop. These pastimes range from fragrant joint operations to freestyle saxophone serenades, unique innovations in animal husbandry and downtown’s usual unceasing drunkard overture. This night, the spittle-splattered asphalt glimmered and twinkled amid shadows cast by clenched fists listlessly swung more or less in the direction of similarly cocktail-addled targets of convenience. The grungy gladiators’ fighting spirit summarily shriveled with the arrival of buzzkill-blue uniforms.
The Ink People, an arts and culture incubator in our community since 1979, has put out a call for volunteers, vendors and sponsors for The Golden Road Art & Music Fair Sunday, Aug. 1 at the Old Creamery at Ninth and L streets.
1:45 p.m. One man in a long trench coat and another in a camouflage jacket overcame their differences in terms of outerwear preference and shared marijuana in front of a Plaza tavern. On seeing a bar employee calling police, the two activated a unified emergency response plan, the primary component of which was skedaddling westward.
Blue Lake: The Opera could be – no, it is – the funniest and most musically gratifying work Dell’Arte has ever pulled off. This radically revised, eccentrically amplified history of Blue Lake really is an opera, with purty singin’ and everything, plus tragedy, redemption and an array of colorful and often adorable characters. Written by Lauren…
A car parked ’twixt striping of blue
Had nothing whatever to do
With handicapped access
Cops thought what it lacks is
A ticket, and also a clue
4:40 p.m. A male and female engaged in some sort of tawdry rendezvous by the romantic drainage pipe culvert between the plumbing shop and burger bar were joined by a man not noticeably clothed. The trio apparently concluded their business and scattered before police arrived, sparing anyone else the mind-scarring imagery.
1:40 p.m. A pit bull at 13th and Q streets didn’t appear to be vicious, but growled when people approached, probably out of fear and confusion. Lacking further direction and, of course, any ability to explain its origins, the orphaned animal wandered over to some mailboxes and awaited destiny’s next affront, which didn’t take long to arrive. Completing what was probably its worst day ever, not to mention one of its last, the dog was captured with a catchpole and taken to the county animal shelter.
6:27 p.m. Three young teenage hitchhikers at L.K. Wood Boulevard and 14th Street may or may not have enhanced their chances at getting a ride when one lifted his shirt and licked his nipple, then unveiled his nether nozzle. These acts apparently scattered the populace, as no one was there when police arrived.