7:44 p.m. The iPod was like a gooey caramel nougat center in an unlocked car on L.K. Wood Boulevard, as enjoyed by a sweet-toothed slithy tove.
9:28 a.m. The groundscore theme o’ the morn was perpetuated with discovery of multiple contractor bags full of pot and pipes dumped near the train tracks. Police advised the caller to dispose of the desultory dope.
5:44 p.m. A man claimed that he’d dropped a $100 bill on the sidewalk at a Uniontown shopping center when a man swooped down and snatched it. The two argued briefly before the Benjamin bagger boogied.
2:26 p.m. Another cannabis-based argument bubbled like a bong amplified a hundred times at 17th and G streets.
10:22 a.m. A man in a Valley West parking lot wearing a knife in his belt attempted a bold, innovative and completely ineffectual method for getting a ride to Trinidad to get his backpack and motorcycle. This involved threatening to get a gun and shoot people. His snitty threatdown ended quickly, and he vanished.
2:47 p.m. Perhaps excited out of their wits at the thought of baking pans and five-cent lamps, people left their cars in no-parking zones en route to a garage sale.
10:17 p.m. A slacker debauch on Sixth Street was sullied by various forms of licentious abandon, including people talking loudly and either “drums or drumming.”
He’s not particular as to their condition. New, well-loved, distressed… as long as it’s a lava lamp, or part of one, he’ll take it. Sometimes newfound bits and pieces can be adapted to incomplete units, making them whole again.
1:33 p.m. “I’m going to take Dillard,” reads the only unredacted portion of a dispatcher log entry regarding a public drunkenness arrest on the Plaza.
1:12 p.m. A bomb threat phoned in to the high school was quickly traced to Bradford, Vermont, where a cell tower had been pinged.