• Friday, September 24 2:15 a.m. A donut shop’s serene surreality was ruptured by an out-of-control drunken hooligan. Pickled beyond reason, police bypassed his brainstem by hotwiring his nervous system. The electrical override enabled arrest and hospitalization.
3:11 a.m. Fleece or leather? This conflict may have been at the root of the clash between two mutual-shovees at Samoa Boulevard and K Street. One wore a hoodie, the other a jacket, but police didn’t need a Venn Diagram to locate their common ground – public drunkenness.
10:20 a.m. Two tattooed men at Samoa Boulevard and H Street shared blithering idiot duties, splitting the workload of yelling at passing people and cars. Both were arrested on drunkenness charges
6:43 p.m. A superheated citizen aglow with righteous rage let off a coronal mass ejection of resentment over the antics of his neighbors, those punks. As a dispatcher attempted to document his travails, the man railed about the skateboard slamming he’d been enduring. Apparently he’d confronted the noisy neighbs, as an officer arrived to advise him not to engage the neighbors directly and just let cops deal with the noise. Then they endured his crabby complaints that alcohol is legal and that people can enjoy beverages of this nature on their porches, which just isn’t right. He agreed to stay inside and be mellow for the evening, or most likely to stew in silence about the injustice of it all.
The Arcata Eye, Arcata Chamber of Commerce and KHSU 90.5 FM, in cooperation with the City of Arcata, will co-sponsor a City Council Candidate Forum Thursday, Thursday, Oct. 7 from 7 to 9 p.m. Doors open at 6 p.m.
• Tuesday, August 17 8:14 p.m. A weed whacker and leaf blower left unattended in Valley West either eloped or were stolen.
11:42 p.m. One of the multiple ongoing neighborly grudge matches flared, with one complaining about overly loud dog conversation in the other’s yard. An officer went over for a listen, but found the barking of the dogs somewhat less problematic than that of certain nearby humans. The officer also invoked the concept of observer-influenced reality insofar as the ambient arfage: “One of the dogs is barking, but it is because I am in the driveway.”
5:30 p.m. The world’s most incompetent burglars utterly bungled a Valley East Boulevard break-in. With a neighbor looking on, the two forced their way into an apartment, then passed out. Police arrived and awakened the attention-deficit dimwits, one of which put up a futile struggle before being arrested.
10:48 p.m. As is not uncommon, a drunk got the notion in his pickled brain that one of the beleaguered Plaza street trees required further dismantling. Even though he was sort of dressed like a tree, with brown pants and a green shirt, the man showed no particular fealty to the spindly object of his scorn, and savaged it without remorse. Interrupted in mid-branch rip, the anti-arborist was arrested on a public drunkenness charge.
• Sunday, July 25 2:33 a.m. Overdressed for the occasion, a man who not only lacked the mandatory skanky hoodie but was all spiffed up in a white dress shirt and slacks made an extremely literal beer run at an Alliance Road stop ’n’ rob. That is, he snabbed an 18-pack of The King of Bland Beers and scurried out the door.