12:05 p.m. A Valley West resident said he had caught his neighbor peering in his window a few weeks previous and chased her off. And now he heard a neighbor say the word “window” out loud.
8:18 p.m. Something named Jason was unclear on the functions of a bar, having brought an open container of a zesty beverage into the place.
11:44 p.m. A man seen peeing on the Fire Station wasn’t happy at being confronted in the act. He then strolled down the street to laze on a retaining wall, and if he washed his hands after the business at the fire station, it’s not documented.
9:34 a.m. A man confronted another citizen along Tavern Row, calling him a “snitch,” braying profanities and waving something described as a “garbage stick” at him. The victim of the shaven-headed castigator’s multimedia wrath had to break off the performance for an appointment.
1:01 p.m. After fomenting a fuss at a Valley West store, a man bicycled away at good speed. Tracked down on Spear Avenue, he reported that voices had told him he “wasn’t going to heaven.” But because of the outstanding warrants, he was taken to purgatory.
9:21 a.m. A significant portion of roommates who meet for the first time amid smiles and handshakes are, it turns out, also meeting their future apartment-circling nemesis.
11:51 a.m. A dropped wallet in a Westwood Center parking lot was swiftly whisked away by an opportunivore, no doubt giddy at the grand groundscore and oblivious to the anguish of the owner.
Kulica celebrates a decade in operation with its all-ages “10th Anniversary Shindig” at the Arcata Playhouse this Friday, March 4 at 7 p.m. Chris Parrierra open
2:55 p.m. When a 10th Street resident left a $20 flashlight and $50 binoculars in an unlocked car, nature took its course. In an unorthodox twist, the unknown slithy tove responsible for the theft evinced some vestigial empathy, leaving behind token compensation in the form of one lonely little doobie.
8:31 p.m. A man lying on the ground near a K Street stairwell slowly basted in an odious marinade of urine and vomit. An officer found him responsive but uncooperative, and took the poor basted to the hospital.