• Saturday, April 29 12:55 a.m. Using available materials, anti-random parked truck activists attacked a silver pickup with a shell at an F Street laundromat. After launching a bottle at the truck, the three men joined urinary forces to top off the gas tank.
• Thursday, April 28 9:21 a.m. iPods left in unlocked vehicles on Ross Street are no different from succulent, shiny gizmos in any unsecured car anywhere – they yearn to roam free, and just can’t be contained.
11:04 a.m. A citizen reported a neighborhood house where the lights come on at the same time every night. No one lives there and there is never any garbage out on garbage day, nor does frost ever form on the rooftop. Two men in a truck with dogs do visit periodically, and they stay all day.
10:47 a.m. A twenty-something man wearing “designer clothing” sat in his black hybrid SUV in a downtown parking lot shouting obscenities at passersby. It looked to the witness like the dapper denouncer was sort of lying in wait for people to walk by so he could yell at them from his eco-hulk.
12:05 p.m. A Valley West resident said he had caught his neighbor peering in his window a few weeks previous and chased her off. And now he heard a neighbor say the word “window” out loud.
8:18 p.m. Something named Jason was unclear on the functions of a bar, having brought an open container of a zesty beverage into the place.
11:44 p.m. A man seen peeing on the Fire Station wasn’t happy at being confronted in the act. He then strolled down the street to laze on a retaining wall, and if he washed his hands after the business at the fire station, it’s not documented.
9:34 a.m. A man confronted another citizen along Tavern Row, calling him a “snitch,” braying profanities and waving something described as a “garbage stick” at him. The victim of the shaven-headed castigator’s multimedia wrath had to break off the performance for an appointment.
1:01 p.m. After fomenting a fuss at a Valley West store, a man bicycled away at good speed. Tracked down on Spear Avenue, he reported that voices had told him he “wasn’t going to heaven.” But because of the outstanding warrants, he was taken to purgatory.
9:21 a.m. A significant portion of roommates who meet for the first time amid smiles and handshakes are, it turns out, also meeting their future apartment-circling nemesis.