11:17 a.m. Last year’s podiatrist-without-portfolio has re-emerged, his enduring mission: to fondle the feet of women in Valley West. He’d importuned women to massage their feet using various ruses in the past, and now had a new one. He’d attended some classes at a reflexology center without formally enrolling in the course, but now was approaching women in a Valley West parking lot and offering reflexology treatments in the center’s name.
9:34 p.m. A man seen peeing on the wall behind a Northtown restaurant was asked to leave. He sort of complied, but seemed unready to make the emotional break with his urine, and just went around the block and came back to further dwell in the vapors of the acrid plume and process his wee bereavement.
3:13 p.m. More scrounge lizardry in a Ninth Street yard, with five leisure specialists drinking and throwing a bottle.
A man in the 1000 block of G Street proposed smashing someone’s face in as an alternative outcome, were the face’s owner not to repay a debt. Police checked the area, finding all faces in proper working order.
8:42 p.m. A Valley West apartment dweller said her roommate was violating their agreement by having several bottles of perfume in the residence, and they were making her sick. She placed the sickening scents out on the porch. A restraining order was in the works, but the foully fragrant roommate said she’d be moving out anyway.
“You are being slaughtered,” bellowed the hirsute howler.
• Wednesday, May 23 11:55 a.m. A man who left his wallet in a Uniontown store went back to get it, but by then it was gone. He had a suspicion about who stole it, and went and argued with that person outside the store. 1:42 p.m. A woman left her purse in her car…
3:19 p.m. A woman said her ex-boyfriend had called her 15 to 20 times to tell her that he was en route from Manila to sleep on her couch. Police told him to stop making so many couch reservations.
4:01 p.m. A caller reported a man in a baseball cap and tank top carrying out the misogyny commonly associated with these disreputable garments by yelling at a woman and making her cry, then taking a swing at her. Police found her unharmed and the argument verbal only, but they warned the man to contain his furies.
H STREET – Northtown Books welcomes Jeff DeMark for an evening of stories, songs and poems, accompanied by Deric Mendes and Gregg Devaney Friday, June 15 at 7 p.m.