6:27 p.m. Three young teenage hitchhikers at L.K. Wood Boulevard and 14th Street may or may not have enhanced their chances at getting a ride when one lifted his shirt and licked his nipple, then unveiled his nether nozzle. These acts apparently scattered the populace, as no one was there when police arrived.
3:22 p.m. It was kind of hard to miss the not-exactly-camouflaged man in a red jersey with a big “34” on the back, running drunkenly away from the freshly poured concrete he’d just vandalized on Samoa Boulevard near the train tracks. He was found and arrested for being composed of too many parts alcohol.
2:07 p.m. In a variation on the usual slithy tove ritual of iPod and ashtray change heists, a Samoa Boulevard business suffered gasoline theft from its vehicles, so locking gas caps were installed. So next the indefatigable tove petrol thieve-toves drilled a hole in the gas tank to drain away their precious fossilicious nectar.
• Saturday, March 13 3:24 p.m. What was reported as a “large sheet of metal” in the roadway at 18th and H streets wasn’t found. 3:29 p.m. An officer was hailed by a cab driver, who said the metal object was still in the roadway. An officer found a pipe, and removed it. 11:45 p.m.…
3:36 p.m. A man reported that while trying to sell two frogs online for $100, a woman sent him a $970 check with an Alaska address on it, and asked that he send the frogs and the change to her in Texas. The man took the check to a local bank, which confiscated it as fraudulent.
A dinnertime bongo influxion
Required police for reduction
They went to South E
And tempered the spree
9:03 p.m. A little lost goat appeared in a Brigid Lane yard. Since the animal shelter doesn’t take goats, the resident was asked to care for it until the next morning.
The City of Arcata and National Weather Service have collaborated to develop a “Lunatic Weather Map” which attempts to forecast the ebb and flow of high-maintenance crazy persons in and around Arcata.
I recently heard that we are having a problem with adolescent heroin use in Arcata. I was shocked and saddened by this news. I know some experimentation is normal, but heroin is a hard core drug and leads to significant dependency and addiction issues. Around the same time, a family brought their 14 year old daughter…
• Friday, February 19 5:18 a.m. An unknown man made a dramatic entrée onto the porch of a Trojan Street mobile home, waving around a two-and-a-half foot pipe with a metal ball on the end. Having wielded the worrisome man o’ war to his satisfaction, the trailer terrorizer scrambled into a ’90s vintage Dodge mommy-van not exactly befitting the image of a cudgel-swinging swashsbuckler, and roared off toward the freeway.