• Wednesday, August 15 9:06 p.m. Yelled obscenities were punctuated with door slams for emphasis on war-torn lower E Street.
9:15 p.m. Volleys of vituperation issued from a pink-shirted man whose pulpit was the center of Janes Road.
11:30 p.m. A McCallum Circle resident complained of the neighbor’s continual display of his middle finger, a tiresome phenomenon going back months.
2:07 p.m. A man aggressively volunteering his services as a passerby-murderer was even more of a bargain than those available in the store behind him, the one that trades in pictures of George Washington.
2:31 p.m. Random passersby – those bastards – continued to incite roaming thugs by the fact of their simple existence. A man carrying a blue sleeping bag addressed the infractions with an assortment of top-volume oaths and curses.
4:11 p.m. It’s not like her to not show up for work or call for five days, said an employer of an employee who still had a company phone and car. Police checked the woman’s home address and found it vacant.
• Thursday, August 16 11:38 a.m. A woman with a baby was said to be camping near the switchback leading down to the Community Park, and leaving dirty diapers all about the area.
8:26 p.m. An E Street man spent his day screaming and striking a wall with a stick, inadvertently acting as an apt metaphor for the rest of humanity’s exertions that day.
• Friday, August 17 9:44 p.m. A dark-haired male set up a car camp on 12th Street east of Bayview Street, and settled in for a multi-night stay. But the setup went awry when he succumbed to the inexplicable compulsion to befoulment that overcomes so many vehicle campers and started throwing his trash into neighbors’ yards and a-peeing in the street.
• Saturday, August 18 1:26 p.m. Though he wore no shirt, the man striding through a 16th Street church parking lot had his tattoos and vigorous stick-waving to warm his torso.
• Sunday, August 19 3:53 a.m. A woman roamed Fourth Street, yelling and busting off car side mirrors.
9:54. am. An F Street resident reported their car’s side mirror broken off sometime during the night.
• Monday, August 20 7:05 p.m. After two hours occupying the Community Pool’s bathroom, a woman was dislodged and warned of trespassing.
• Tuesday, August 21 11:43 a.m. A Union Street woman’s acid reflux attack was of ambulance-calling proportions.
12:57 p.m. A man left his wallet with some friends on the Plaza, but on his return, the friendship was clouded with distrust as the wallet no longer contained his driver’s license or credit card.
• Wednesday, August 22 8:50 a.m. A supposed representative of something dubiously named “Advantage” knocked on doors in the area of Grant Avenue. One woman was asked if she had any grandchildren.
10 a.m. A man guzzled a breakfast beer amid strewn trash on the pedestrian overpass until someone asked that he be cop-inspired to clean up his nearby poo-poo donation.
• Thursday, August 23 11:36 a.m. If you asked the man who cut down trees to make an illegal camp in Carlson Park the meaning of “hubristic,” would he know what is it and what it leads to? We’ll never know, since the self-centered solipsistic slithy tove scampered, leaving the stumps behind.
• Friday, August 24 12:56 a.m. A man on Ninth Street was the curious sort, in more ways than one. His inquisitions included pulling on all available doors and mailboxes, to see (and maybe take?) what was behind and inside them.
1:11 p.m. Yet another camper – this one a woman on 10th Street – saw fit to slather her surroundings with trash and pee.
• Sunday, August 26 2:28 p.m. At a downtown variety store, a man stole a bottle o’ booze and a cane, the latter possibly to aid in remaining vertical following guzzlement of the other item. He was arrested.
2:44 p.m. A woman ran topless through the Redwood Park playground, clad only in gray shorts.