• Thursday, September 10 2:01 p.m. A smattering of slumbabouts consensed on an impromptu afternoon road wallow at 13th and F streets, furnishing the zone with various possessions.
4:19 p.m. A woman called from a Sunny Brae laundromat, where a man had left his vehicle running for 20 minutes, asphyxiating those in the vicinity. He, however, seemed impervious to the fumes, standing outside the truck for 10 minutes.
• Friday, September 11 9:46–9:49 a.m. Were one looking for a one-stop garbage, feces and needles museum, that could be readily had in and around a defunct medical marijuana clinic out Valley West way. At least 15 Trashipoo McNeedlers were said to be inhabitating the grounds, all a-shootin’ and a-poopin’.
9:17 p.m. A tow truck driver who wanted to visit his girlfriend in the hospital couldn’t, because no more than one visitor at a time was allowed in the room. This didn’t compute for the blocked boyfriend, who commenced with pointless fussing until moved along.
• Saturday, September 12 11:18 a.m. A sidewalk sleeper at Ninth and I clogged the walkway with his strewn possessions, random pee emissions and slumbering bod.
1:29 p.m. It being the crack of 1:29 p.m., the sidewalk snoozer grumbled to life at last, engaging in some wake-up bickering with Arcata’s beleaguered innocent passersby.
1:59 p.m. This is your ex-boyfriend, announced the text a woman received. I just broke into your California Avenue house through a roommate’s bedroom.
2:26 p.m. Who steals a person’s walker? Someone on Union Street, apparently.
3:03 p.m. A guy waiting for his sack of heartclog in the drive-thru line of a Valley West burgery had his car window broken by a man in a camouflage jacket.
3:42 p.m. Spandex tights and a clipboard weren’t previously known to be helpful panhandling accoutrement, but these items helped a beggar on I Street stand out from the camouflaged masses.
7:15 p.m. When a woman got into an argument with her teenage son over his cat, he chest-bumped mom and retreated to the comfort of his video games and loud, loud music. For this, she wanted to take him to court.
Note: the dispatcher logs for Sunday, Sept. 13 haven’t been made public by APD. – Ed.
• Monday, September 14 10:23 a.m. A woman said a guy on a bike at the Community Center had attempted to commission her as a paid assassin, offering $1,000 to cause the demise of a woman on 11th Street who had his dog. Someone was arrested.
12:05 p.m. A man reported that someone had somehow gotten into his girlfriend’s locked car 10 days previous, eating some food and leaving behind some men’s underwear. This unusual sequence of events was somehow captured on video.
8:57 p.m. A Kit Street resident reported that almost five hours ago, a roommate put the TV on pause, walked in his slippers out to his car and drove away.
11:48 p.m. A drunken man wandered into a Northtown erotic supply depot seemingly for the purpose of arguing with the staff and getting arrested.
• Tuesday, September 15 3:35 a.m. Two dark-clothed mailbox inspectors roved Bayside Road, peering into people’s postboxes along the way.
5:16 a.m. When a bald-headed, gray-bearded, purple-sweatshirted, black-booted bloke was asked to depart the lobby of a Valley West motel, he threatened to vandalize a car in the parking lot. The onset of morn came with visible damage to a guest’s vehicle.
10:45 a.m. Leaving the keys to an apartment in an unlocked car in Union Street worked out real unwell for one man.
1:52 p.m. The broken hatchback on a car eased entry for a thief, who now boasts possession of the driver’s wallet, two credit cards, debit card, hunting and fishing licenses and his father’s federal officer badge.
4:37 p.m. Two Plazoid stereotypes – one an older, gray-bearded traveler with a backpack, and his nemesis, a shirtless and tattooed obscenity-screamer – held a howling hostility festival on the torrid town square.
5:51 p.m. Another urban backpacker lit up a cigarette in a Valley West laundromat, bringing the inevitable invitation to leave and ensuing yellfest argument.
6:23 p.m. To the occupants of a white van, a white pickup truck, a yellow bus and another car, the area of 11th and M streets was one great big open-air toilet.
9:58 p.m. An upsurge in hand-to-hand transactions of a suspected druggie nature around Fifth and J streets coincided with a proliferation of used needles littering the area.
11:02 p.m. Someone found a lost cell phone on the beach in Trinidad the previous night. The next morning the phone rang, and as a child wept in the background, a caller said, “Put Lulu on the phone and then tell Lulu her brother shot up my brother’s house and the cops are on the way.”
• Wednesday, September 16 6:49 a.m. A whole lot of punching was going on at a Bayside Road location, where after striking his dog over and over, a woman socked a man. He then punched her in the face, which didn’t really solve anything. She denied her purported punchery.
9:40 a.m. After an assault with a deadly weapon at a Valley West motel, a man was reported “bleeding from head to toe.”
10:44 a.m. A man was conned by the “Social Security scam” into buying a bunch of gift cards at a downtown variety store, then reading off the numbers to the scammers to abate some imaginary problem and getting absolutely nothing in return except regret, chagrin, frustrating interactions with law enforcement and a diminished bank account.
1:58 p.m. The gas door was ripped from a California Avenue vehicle and sugar poured into the tank, inhibiting its further motation.
2:59 p.m. A sketchster with a knife roamed around in a downtown alley, and was cited for something.
4:39 p.m. Two men spouted sour gusts of cigarette smoke as they busied themselves defoliating a downtown parking lot, ripping out plants until moved along.
6:42 p.m. A woman borrowed a friend’s truck, which was then driven away by someone unknown on Alliance Road. She wasn’t sure if she had the keys to it.
9:27 p.m. “I can’t do this any more,” said an inhabitant of the year 2020.
• Thursday, September 17 8:25 a.m. The agglomeration of vehicles comprising a Valley West mobile camp – school bus and RV motherships plus two nimble minivan shuttlecraft – moved down the way from the abandoned, post-Prohibition cannabis clinic to out front of a preschool.
11:36 a.m. Where once the trashy corner loiterers plagued a plumbing shop, a cannabis market at the same location now endures the same ongoing annoyance factor.
12:46 p.m. The area of 13th and F streets was approaching biohazard hot zone status, said a caller, what with the campers’ indiscriminate toiletry policies, plus roiling mounds of trash and needles gushing out into the roadway.