• Sunday, December 23 8:51 p.m. A man in a low-budget Valley West motel’s parking lot yelled while holding a pair of scissors. An introspective singer-songwriter perched on a stool and sawing away at a battered acoustic guitar, even while wailing the same things, might have been a better choice for evening entertainment.
• Christmas Eve 8:18 a.m. As a relationship disintegrated, police were asked to stand by as a woman retrieved her belongings. Either that or ask the guy – last seen out front waving her costly musical instrument around as though he was going to hurt it – to leave.
12:08 p.m. A man refused to leave an I Street store, and threatened employees who truly aren’t paid enough for this shit.
2:15 p.m. A man suffering from raging electrical cross-currents in his limbic circuitry refused to leave a Valley West store. And yet history tells us that he eventually did.
• Christmas 9:14 p.m. A yuletide perv/prowler in a snow-white hoodie was seen peering in an upstairs window on Diamond Drive.
• Wednesday, December 26 12:50 a.m. An HBD BF, in police parlance, proved problematic, for not the first time. The had-been-drinking boyfriend was reported punching holes in the wall.
2:59 a.m. A weirdling in the lobby of a low-budget Valley West motel had some probing questions for the night clerk: is the manager around, and are you alone?
8:07 a.m. A man in a red hat and matching sweatshirt toddled around with his pants down at the transit center.
3:17 p.m. A pantaloon waistband again plummeted earthward at the transit center as a man liberated his bits for a wee on the wall. He was arrested.
3:59 p.m. A vandal with little regard for working people and the tools they need to earn a living jumped the fence at an Ericson Way business, breaking out the windows in two cranes.
4:07 p.m. The emerging disempantment craze reached remote Valley West, where a bare-bummed man publicly poo’d out front of a motel.
4:13 p.m. A bi-polar man was reported alternately chanting under his breath and growling.
4:51 p.m. A man near Diamond Drive and Coombs Court was observed talking to himself while whirling around in the street, but mercifully, his trousers appeared adequately affixed.
7:24 p.m. An Illinois State trooper called from Chicago to report discovery of a pot-packed parcel with an Arcata return address.
• Thursday, December 27 5:57 a.m. From within her locked room, a woman reported a male cohabitant growling and moving furniture around. She was worried that he might try to break her door down.
8:30 a.m. A car parked out front of a Ninth Street business for two weeks bore a parking placard issued by a nearby hotel. The hotel reported no lodgers associated with the vehicle, and that placard? It was one that had never been returned.
12:31 p.m. An unlocked garage door on Ariel Way surrendered two fancy bikes valued at $4,000 to a roving ripper-offer.
• Friday, December 28 11:05 a.m. A free-range alchemist out back of a Valley West pizza restaurant wore purple gloves as he poured some kind of goo from white containers onto plants.
2:08 p.m. An alcohol-augmented frownloading fusspot with face tats and a cat on a chain became needlessly aggressive on Alliance Road.
2:09 p.m. An attempted house break-in near Sunset Avenue and Wilson Street was interrupted when construction workers chased off the bald, black-sweatshirted bad guy.
9:09 a.m. An Eighth Street ATM was smashed – again – over who-knows-what trendephemeral cause or random rage.
• Saturday, December 29 12:36 a.m. As incomprehensible as the word-salad narrative deployed by a gibberish-spouting woman in a Valley West motel were her intentions in leaving behind a printer there.
9:41 a.m. An H Street resident was minding her or his own business in the comfort and soon-to-end privacy of their home when an unknown urban backpacker just sauntered in, strolled right through the house and then went back out to try and break into a motorhome. And another drunk was arrested.
• Sunday, December 30 10:32 a.m. A keg of succulent, thirst-slaking beer left in a truck on F Street was unlikely to survive the night unstolen, and didn’t.