• Thanksgiving 8:42 a.m. The day’s passerby revilement got underway in Valley West, courtesy of a black-clad blurter by a gas station.
11:43 a.m. After the registered guests checked out of their Valley West motel room, two women remained in the nonsmoking room, smoking things and refusing to leave.
• Friday, November 25 2:19 p.m. A two-species hangabout herd on H Street grew to business-encumbering levels, the two-legged ones generating foul fumes, and was moved along.
• Saturday, November 26 12:35 a.m. Drunk and aggressive. Arrested.
3:12 a.m. Yelling and “animated.” Arrested.
7:57 a.m. Sitting on a curb and rocking back and forth. Moved along.
9:49 a.m. Screaming behind a store and being known as “Justin.” Moved along.
10:25 a.m. Sitting on a business’ porch with his pants open. Moved along.
11:18 a.m. Various naifs left their vehicles unlocked, even in “safe” neighborhoods, only to create bittersweet memories of formerly owned possessions.
2:05 a.m. After not showing up for a child custody exchange, a father turned reality on its head by blaming the mother for withholding their child, then went nuclear on her on all the usual antisocial media platforms.
• Saturday, November 26 7:30 p.m. An accidental science experiment at an L.K. Wood Boulevard laundromat involved placing money in a jacket, then leaving it unattended to go quaff a beverage next door (where, coincidentally, science is often on tap). The money existed in a superstate of being stolen and not stolen until the well-hydrated jacket owner went back and checked it. At this point, the superstate vanished, the probability cloud collapsed into a virtual raincloud over the former jacket owner's head, and Schrödinger’s cash was gone.
• Sunday, November 27 12:09 p.m. A big rottweiler was reported locked in a car on South G Street all night, and at this point it was “smashing itself against the windows.”
4:53 p.m. Someone saw two kindergarten-age children kissing each other in a store, and the way they were doing that made someone concerned that it was a learned behavior following abuse.
• Monday, November 28 9:09 a.m. A gym bag left in a car seat is a handy way to get your car window smashed, if that’s what you want.
• Tuesday, November 29 8:08 a.m. A woman allowed two now-disreputable houseguests to stay overnight, and awoke to find her keys and car missing. Although it technically wasn’t her car.
12:08 p.m. A boat cover was slit open in Courtyard Circle, with land-brigands stealing tents and air mattresses.
4:58 p.m. A backpacker on a 13th Street store’s patio was “associated with a large stick,” and filled the patio with high-volume chanting.
• Wednesday, November 30 1 p.m. A guest at the lowest-budget Valley West motel checked out, taking the TV with him.
1:18 p.m. A man sleeping in an I Street store’s flower bed was asked by employees to move along. He reinterpreted this as a request to pee on the flowers and then panhandle customers.
• Thursday, December 1 9:38 a.m. So dedicated was a previously ejected patron to shopliftingness that even his lingering outside the entrance of a 13th Street store was deemed undesirable. He was warned.
11:27 a.m. A guy’s Amazon package, containing a new PlayStation which he was never to play, was left on his porch.
11:19 p.m. A man called from somewhere on West End Road to report that he had either taken too much LSD or struck his head on something, one of the two. He wasn’t sure how much LSD he’d taken, or exactly where he was.
• Friday, December 2 2:50 p.m. A door-to-door scammer asked to see a Baldwin Street resident’s utility bill, and was refused. He wouldn’t say whether or not he had a solicitor’s permit, but asked to use the resident’s phone.
3:53 p.m. A woman in Valley West yelled to or at herself while walking in circles.
4:09 p.m. A man with a bruised face and saggy jeans made odd statements about falling into a Valley West business and injuring himself, and finding some of his belongings there. He was arrested.
• Saturday, December 3 12:09 a.m. A man in natty white jacket and cane screamed nonsensically on F Street.
12:35 a.m. A woman’s life was seemingly broken in badness, the way she described it into the courtesy phone outside the police station. She heard a bad noise, said she was a bad person and needed to turn herself in or someone would be hurt, which would be bad.
5:16 a.m. A woman at a Valley West motel said a man had slammed her into the ground, and now she couldn’t move her neck.
10:04 a.m. An H Street apartment dweller said that a woman had entered her apartment the previous night and fallen asleep, and was now outside in the hallway demanding to come back in and get her purse, which wasn’t there.
11:17 a.m. A man on Iverson Avenue went door to door with a clipboard, asking to see utility bills but refused to show any credentials that might legitimize his inquiries.
2:07 p.m. A man near an F Street pizza restaurant waved his arms around and walked in circles, yelling at passersby. He’d earlier been inside a nearby pet store asking about syringes.
3:58 p.m. A woman said that a neighbor had yelled at her 8-year-old son. When she went to talk to her about it, the neighbor doused her and the lad with a bucket of water.
4:18 p.m. An Alliance Road resident said a neighbor threw a glass out of their window, striking the person’s service dog.
4:51 p.m. A man at a Valley West gas station made off with a pack of Parliament cigarettes, with the recessed filter so that only the flavor touches your larcenous lips.
8:52 p.m. Possibly mistaking it for the drama-drenched donut shop, a man wandered into an H Street deli, yelling and trying to start fights.
• Sunday, December 4 12:41 p.m. A cell phone belonging to a person reported missing out of Lake County was pinging to a location in the Arcata Community Forest.
1:10 p.m. Several 15 gallon trash bags were dumped at 11th and F streets.
1:25 p.m. A man showed up at a Union Street house asking to rent a room there. Told there were no rooms for rent, he commenced rummaging through a car parked out front.
1:55 p.m. Locks were cut at an 11th Street preschool and items valued at over $1,000 stolen. Among the property lost was a neon green and black men’s 21-speed Trek 3500 mountain bike.
6:22 p.m. A freelance outdoor decorator has been rearranging an L Street resident’s yard furnishings. First, a ladder from the backyard was placed in the front yard, then a rug on the back porch was flung into the backyard. This follows removal of a package off the porch 10 days ago, it being ripped open and thrown into the neighbor’s driveway.
10:41 p.m. A fire dancer near an I Street supermarket’s gazebo allowed the flames to lick at a tree there.
• Monday, December 5 4:41 p.m. A large man and a female companion joined forces to poop upon the south side of a 10th Street building, their descriptions minimal as a witness chose to behold the defecating duo only from a distance.
• Tuesday, December 6 9:57 a.m. Someone reportedly stole two large lights from an H Street restaurant/entertainment venue, and there were texts to prove the lack of payment.
11:18 a.m. A downtown storehouse has another noncontributing hangabout habitue with no actual business there.
4:37 p.m. Three months after its occupant died, an Alliance Road apartment hadn’t been cleaned. The food was rotting and attracting flies.
9:10 p.m. A car doorhandle-tryer worked Eighth Street, peering into the vehicles as he went.