• Thursday, July 15 8:54 p.m. A man reported that he had allowed his electronic ankle monitor bracelet's battery to expire. He remembered being at City Hall and now theorized that he was at the Intermodal Transit Facility, the burly bus bastion whose vivid and often exciting social scene he likes to frequent.
10:26 p.m. A well-attended he-she altercation outside an Old Arcata Road apartment took place in front of an infant, plus multiple spectators and the mandatory yelling person. Police arrested someone on a domestic violence charge.
9:13 a.m. When a slithy tove’s nocturnal backyard creep is impeded by a barrier these days, they methy achievers just dismantle the damn fence and burrow in. Three removed boards and several hours later, the residents were reviewing their surveillance system video.
4:46 p.m. In need of a vehicle, a crafty type went into a health club’s men’s locker room, snagged someone’s car keys and then went out to the parking lot and drove away.
6:29 p.m. A cocktail-engorged man inside a Ninth Street business made an earnest effort to remove his pants, then repaired to the sidewalk outside to bark and blither at passing randos. Arrested.
7:20 p.m. He who made kittens put snakes in the grass – including the rattler in the backyard of an Antoinette Court home. A nervous mammalian biped who’d heard the telltale rattle said that tall grass prevented any kind of size estimation.
9:35 p.m. A plus-sized gent on Heather Lane swaggered in the street, menacing others with some sort of baton. He was moved along.
9:58 p.m. A woman complained of threats from a man with a baton on Heather Lane, who had frightened her.
11:29 p.m. A 91-year-old woman took end-of-life drugs and wished to arrange for an ambulance at her “death time.”
11:29 a.m. After head-butting his girlfriend, a man was arrested on domestic violence charges.
12:37 p.m. An skunk lay injured in a Chester Avenue gutter.
• Monday, July 19 1:10 p.m. A man with a hoodie pulled up over his head smoked drugs off of piece of tinfoil behind an Alliance Road mini-mart.
5:30 p.m. Two suspicious sketchlings had lingered in an H Street store just before closing time, then sat in a car in the parking lot after hours as if lying in wait. They were moved along.
11:22 p.m. Someone abandoned an injured dog on Wyatt Lane, placing the harnessed pooch on a blanket next to a gallon of water, a bowl and a sack of dog food, and leaving the dog’s fate to the random benevolence of strangers.
• Tuesday, July 20 9:11 p.m. An F Street apartment dweller called 911 to report people messing with the lock on his front door, but hung up when asked for details. The call was classified as 911 abuse/misuse.
• Wednesday, July 21 12:48 a.m. Another uncalled-for 911 call came from the F Street apartment, where the resident said two or maybe three people were trying to unscrew the door lock.
1:06 a.m. The compulsive 911 caller did so again, consuming emergency resources with his aging story about lock dismantlers.
12:48 a.m. A 14th Streeter said his neighbors were having a loud party, and that two would-be guests had come to his door and tried to force their way in. The alpha of the wayward duo, clad in a dashing ensemble of camouflage baseball cap with drastically oversized trousers, didn’t initially internalize the crucial datum that he was at the wrong address. Entering noisily into the stages of grief and acceptance – the first one being hostility and rage at having to assimilate new information – the camo-headed Lost Boy and his wingman argued with the resident, even threatening him for the grave offense of not being the shindig destination. As police were summoned, the loopy twosome withdrew into the night to seek out their own kind.
7:29 a.m. A naked woman was reported vomiting blood at a downtown bank.
1:15 p.m. A formidable swarm of loose dogs were reported biting the tires of passing cars on Anderson Lane, a frequent occurrence.
6:02 p.m. An off-road motorcyclist whose underutilized cranium was poorly housed in a baseball cap did wheelies on and off the pavement near Klopp Lake, boldly expanding the mission of the Marsh and Wildlife Sanctuary in ways not even wheelie king Terry Finigan would approve.
• Friday, July 23 12:01 a.m. Another parolee let his GPS ankle monitor die, which you don’t do if you don’t want to be arrested the next time a cop sees you.
9:06 a.m. One minute you’re walking down D Street enjoying life, the next you’re fighting off a vicious dog that jumped out of a brown van and attacked you and your own dog. The victim pooch suffered a broken leg and its master a nipped arm. She contacted the van driver but got no response, and she wasn’t sure if he’d even given her his real information, it being so easy to just lie and evade consequences.
10:09 a.m. A man with his long, dark hair wrapped in a blanket and who was carrying a car carrier containing an opossum stole two burritos and a box of cookies from a 13th Street store, then headed for points south to savor the repast.
11:06 a.m. A suspected meth megafactory on Wilson Street features numerous visitor comings and goings around the clock.
6:43 p.m. A woman whom an Ernest Way passerby insta-diagnosed as mentally ill strode toward Janes Road with two kittens in her pockets. The witness didn’t think the crazy cat lady was capable of caring for the micro-felines.