• Tuesday, April 13 3:39 p.m.
A band of streetcorner musicians
At Eighth and I offered renditions
Of flute-friendly jamming
But critiques were damning
And troubadours failed the audition
10:17 p.m. A woman at a Plaza hotel reported that when she looked in the mirror, she didn’t look like herself. Oh, also, she thought there were drugs in the hotel.
6:47 p.m. An Eighth Street shipping facility reported two packages of cannabis weighing 11 and 18 pounds being sent to New York.
• Thursday, April 15 12:28 p.m. A man’s bathroom habits, which involve him doing his business out front of various shops and stores around town, drew objections from another man and an argument ensued over the problematic pooping policies.
3:49 p.m. A bearded man with a circle tattooed on his face peed in the entrance to the Arcata Ball Park, provoking arguments with passersby.
4:27 p.m. When a woman interrupted a man prying her license plate of her car at Fifth and G streets, he wasn’t contrite or even slightly ashamed, but instead “came at” her. Another person in the area said he’d argued with the plate pryer as well. The curly-haired crookling was last seen wandering onto Sixth Street from G Street, black plastic bag in hand.
5:31 p.m. After getting vaccinated at the Community Center, another vaccinee in a green hat exposed his naughty bits to the person, then had a seat behind the vax tent. He was swiftly arrested for public drunkenness.
7:53 p.m. A woman doing her laundry in Westwood Center was set upon by some sort of argumentative man-like organism that spit at her, then threw a bong and a backpack at her.
• Friday, April 16 11:24 a.m. With her bike in pieces after a collision with a vehicle in the 100 block of Foster Avenue, a woman was seen holding herself and looking injured. When a car stopped to check on her, she said, “Leave me alone.”
1:46 p.m. The restraining order he has against his child’s mom will do nothing to protect him from the goons the kid’s grandmother said the mom has hired to hurt and/or kill him.
2:58 p.m. Two women with a child modeled sub-ideal parenting by walking out on their tab at a Plaza restaurant.
3:58 p.m. A 3-year-old girl was left to fend for herself for more than an hour as the mom busied herself elsewhere. As a concerned caller was on the phone with police, the mother reappeared, grabbed her daughter, threw her roughly in the family SUV and took off.
11:30 p.m. A raccoon walked and convulsed on Chester Avenue.
• Saturday, April 17 7:26 a.m. A Valley West hotel’s backup generator was stolen through an open window, the heist captured on video.
4:37 p.m. Arcata Police were notified that a bike failure had stranded a tall, thin man wearing biking attire in a forested area of Josephine County, Ore. The info was relayed to authorities there.
• Sunday, April 18 9 a.m. The trash and “bullying notes” left here and there make a Diamond Drive resident a less-than-ideal neighbor.
11:04 a.m. A man wrapped in an American flag wandered in traffic at Alliance Road and 15th Street, his meager possessions strewn about the area.
4:49 p.m. After an argument, a roommate posted a cohabitant’s personal information on Facebook as an “act of defiance.”
• Monday, April 19 12:37 a.m. Guests at a Valley West hotel could hear the distressing sounds of a man cursing at a dog in an adjacent field, and the poor pooch yelping from whatever was being done to it.
5:44 p.m. When a driver pulled over on South G Street near the freeway onramp to make a phone call, a shaggy-haired and bearded man emerged from a nearby trailer, released six dogs and started marching in his direction. With matters trending inauspiciously, the driver quickly took his leave.
8:54 p.m. A woman told police that she went to an event at an Arcata Heights theatre lounge with a man and his girlfriend in a group, the goal being to listen to music and dance. She wished to remain anonymous, but emphasized that the man had also attended the event in order to have fun.
9:51 p.m. A woman met a man in Valley West and gave him access to her motel room. At some point he vanished along with her debit card. She didn’t know his name, only that he had blonde hair.
• Tuesday, April 20 8:37 a.m. A man paid admission to a 26th Street community swimming pool in order to use the shower, which he went into and stayed for 2 1/2 hours. He refused to leave until police were summoned, and they persuaded him to depart.
10:12 a.m. A maskhole refused to wear a face covering at a Westwood Center laundromat, instead leaving to get a firearm (which offers minimal infectious disease protection). In a plot twist, the man’s son returned to resume the pointless, frustrating argument with the other customer.
• Wednesday, April 21 9:07 a.m. A man at the police station wanted to turn in his laptop computer to prove that he had been held hostage somewhere in Arcata.