• Monday, February 24 4:34 p.m. The sitabout set swelled to spectacularly smoky proportions on the Community Center’s sunny west side.
7:22 p.m. And you screech, and you blurt, and you flame all the bouncers in your green shirt.
• Tuesday, February 25 7:33 a.m. A breakfast mixer in a Valley West ditch swelled beyond capacity, the crowded cauldron overflowing into a nearby preschool. Someone was arrested for probation violation, likely not one of the tots.
9:10 a.m. A man seemingly in need of companionship repeatedly tried to get into a shopper’s car in a 13th Street parking lot. When the driver came out of the store, the same guy was standing next to his car with his shirt off, beckoning his quarry to “come at him.”
12:28 p.m. An I Street store let a petitioner gather signatures from smart shoppers out front, but his public engagement over whatever cause became as inflamed as his red plaid shirt, his impassioned pleas stinging customers like a fiery red rash. He was asked to leave, but being the planet or something’s sole remaining champion, he had no choice but to remain and pace morosely in front of the flower stand.
12:45 p.m. A Valley West golden arches’ restroom came under the exclusive dominion of a woman who locked herself in and refused to leave. Her standoff strategy collapsed with a trespassing warning.
• Wednesday, February 26 8:15 a.m. A 30-something with skateboard, jaunty backwards hat and electron-starved devices freely suckled at the ampere-rich teat of an exposed outlet on G Street. He, his ramshackle phone charging station and blaring radio were unplugged and moved along.
8:55 a.m. A woman said she was six months pregnant and had just been assaulted by another woman in the Community Center parking lot.
9:22 a.m. A pantsless woman ran through a Valley West parking lot. She was described as wearing a red jacket, black boots and no pants.
10:02 a.m. For once, an Arcata-hardened urban traveler got the camouflage garment motif right, with black camo to match the asphalt in the parking lot near the transit center, granting her near-invisibility. And yet, she went and spoiled the ensemble’s finely wrought obscuring properties with a blaringly colorful scarf. The fashion fiasco left her no alternative than to smoke something that may or may not be legal, then head west toward the parking lot exit.
11:14 a.m. A less-than-heavenly choir of shoutabouts took to high-amplitude argy-bargy at the strife-riddled transit center complex, attempting to recruit hapless non-combatant passersby into their vortex of vituperation.
2:31 p.m. “Don’t make me kill you!” pleaded the male voice of an unwilling assassin behind an Eighth Street building.
2:54 p.m. A woman left her phone at Valley West bus stop, where a concerned citizen found it and
immediately looked her up to return the misplaced property. Haha, of course they didn’t. The finder snatched up the device and relocated it to “another site in the area” – likely one of the many festering skeeze pit campsites – which the owner then located via a tracking app. She wanted police to accompany her on the retrieval expedition to the badlands.
5:10 p.m. The Community Center’s west side congregation blocked the exit and deployed various offensive witticisms as parents left with their children.
11:34 p.m. A Courtyard Circle resident said her friend, who lives in a nearby apartment, had sent a text about someone being in her apartment and grunting.
• Thursday, February 27 9:40 a.m. A roommate squabble had various parties dialing APD with disparate descriptions of their tawdry clash. First, a man said a roommate had blocked his exit from their L Street home, forcing him to physically move her out of the way so he could remove his belongings.
9:41 a.m. Then an L Street woman complained that her roommate had grabbed her by the head and shoved her when she asked to look through his belongings.
12:33 p.m. The prickly petitioner was out front of an I Street store again, seeking signatures with his own signature brand of customer annoyance.
3:01 p.m. A black and white bird rested on the sidewalk at Frederick and Haeger avenues.