• Wednesday, October 5 12:04 a.m. F Streeters awoke to the sonorous strains of a woman screaming profanities and beating up on trash cans in the street. She was arrested on a drunkenness charge.
1:18 a.m. A woman bellowed obscenities at F Street store employees.
7:01 - 7:50 a.m. Campers, campers everywhere – M Street, Ninth Street, F Street, 12th Street, under awnings, on the ground and even in someone’s backyard.
11:55 a.m. Multiple illegal camps were reported on various trails in the Community Forest.
5:29 p.m. After a report of smoking, dogs and blocked walkways on the Plaza, an infraction citation was issued, sending a collective shudder into hubris-Americans everywhere and solving the problem forevermore.
8:21 p.m. Whatever cosmic forces schedule the blithering idiot armies to howl unintelligibly at random times chose Foster Avenue and Alliance Road for the evening’s kickoff lamentation.
• Thursday, October 6 9:28 a.m. A camper van with painted windows took up residence on J Street, its occupants using the nearby cemetery as a toilet. The campers were moved along.
1:25 p.m. A man in a multicolored hat helped himself to soup, bread and a beverage at a 13th Street store, and sauntered out without paying just before being arrested.
2:07 p.m. A fake PG&E representative attempted to scam residents at a 12th Street home.
2:31 p.m. Things didn’t go well at an Iverson Avenue rental, where the landlord has reportedly cut electricity to the place.
3:35 p.m. Other than driving at high speed, making unsafe lane changes, taking hands off the wheel and playing music loud enough for people in other cars to hear, the Samoa Boulevard motorist was a model driver.
5:49 p.m. Future historians will have to ascertain the sequence of events at a G Street laundromat, for there are two different versions: One held that a laundry cart was struck by a car, which propelled it into another car, causing damage. The alternate version was that the cart rolled into the car on its own.
• Sunday, October 9 8:24 a.m. A determined ex-boyfriend tracked a woman’s cell phone number to her current Arcata residence, drove four hours to get there and turned up at the front door, unwanted.
4:08 p.m. Another ex-boyfriend wouldn’t give a woman her cat back.
5:48 p.m. A woman paid a guy a rental deposit on a Stromberg Avenue residence, but when she got there she found that it wasn’t for rent.
11:06 p.m. A man and woman loudly argued on K Street. He was heard yelling, “Don’t hit me!”
• Monday, October 10 11:32 a.m. The owner of a car left unlocked on Crescent Way came out in the morning to find an unusable key in the ignition and an old bag containing granola on the seat.
12:35 p.m. But an unlocked car just up the way on Beverly Drive was thieved upon.
6:18 p.m. A guy casing vehicles in Sunny Brae was arrested.
8:57 p.m. A child’s step-mother turned up at the bio-mom’s house, ringing the bell, screaming to be let in and refusing to leave.
• Tuesday, October 11 9:12 a.m. An F Street laundromat came under attack by people sleeping on its roof, with someone ripping the business’ sign down and hurling it onto city property.
10:11 a.m. After a skateboarder with a jaunty septum ring left one argument, he directed his unspent anger at a passerby, striking him and swearing at him.
11:16 a.m. A traveler with a green hat and massive backpack plunked down right in front of the library’s front door.
2:07 p.m. This one dude whapped another guy in the head with his backpack in front of a Plaza gift shop, frightening the miniature unicorns.
3:23 p.m. A kitten was reported tethered to a tree at Ninth and G streets.