Arcata Police Log: Automotive flatulence resounds throughout sleepy shire

• Wednesday, June 16 1:27 p.m. In terms of slovenly camping practices, woods dwellers aren’t respecting the Sunny Brae Tract of the Arcata Community Forest any more than they have the “old town” forest. A crap camp up the trail from Panorama Drive which had been cleaned up by Environmental Services in January was still in operation, worrying residents of the nearby urban interface over fire and security issues. 

1:41 p.m. Two testosterone-fueled vehicles like to blast metropolitan Sunny Brae with their intentionally noisy exhaust, interrupting the meditations the sleepy shire’s residents with their noisy, noisome but manliness-affirming emissions. There being no bongos involved in the sonic upheaval, genteel advisory letters were dispatched to the vehicles’ registered owners on the shaky assumption that they can muster the attention span to read them. 

7:48 p.m. Someone went into the men’s locker room at a Community Way health club, stole a guy’s car keys, then went out to the parking lot and drove his car away. 

8:58 p.m. A dog walker had a conflictuous interaction with a camper near the campsite-infested Carlson Park no-man’s-land along the Mad River. 

Thursday, June 17 5:52 a.m. A roommate believed his cohabitant had stolen from him and dramatic confrontation soon ensued. The alleged ripper-offer described a tense standoff in which the roommate physically blocked the woman from leaving for work in None Shall Pass mode until she returned his whatever-it-was.

2:13 p.m. A Wisteria Way home which is up for sale is being rented out by someone using the owner’s identity.

2:20 p.m. A man who sparked an invigorating argument with a Valley West motel worker went on to even greater conquests, those being skittering up and down the street breaking things. He did practice truth in packaging, however, in his “Looney Toons” shirt. 

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9:34 p.m. A she-slithy tove worked a 13th Street resident’s yard, systematically pawing every available surface that might give way to riches, as in someone else’s hard-earned stuff. Windows, door handles, a storage shed – nothing was off limits to her particular set of skills, which involve entering unlocked areas and rummaging around. Alas, the unyielding surfaces repelled her incursions, and she shuffled unstealthily away, empty-pawed, in a set of flip-flops. 

• Friday, June 18 10:04 a.m. A Valley West motel guest said that he didn’t get any sleep the previous night because of people arguing outside the room. Since the motel wouldn’t refund his money, he said he would start breaking things in the room by way of restorative justice. 

12:12 p.m. Your property manager isn’t supposed to threaten to fight, harm and/or kill you, or force his way into your home. 

3:42 p.m. When dog turned against dog at Alliance Road and Spear Avenue on June 9, one of the pets sustained significant and costly damage requiring veterinary care. The victim’s owner said the attacking dog’s owner was refusing to settle the matter civilly.

4:55 p.m. A woman in Courtyard Circle was observed pushing a goose in a basket and arguing with herself.

9:07 p.m. Rollerbladers in the Larson Park tennis court are degrading its playing surface.

• Saturday, June 19 3:13 p.m. The spirited screaming and explosive door slammage at a Stromberg Avenue house proved of sufficient intensity to bring a disturbance citation.

9:41 p.m. Two distinguished citizens wearing suburban survivalist camouflage baseball caps, one whose pigmentally modified neck revealed him as a body art enthusiast, were seen walking westbound near downtown Sunny Brae carrying someone’s catalytic converter wrapped in a white sheet.

Long-Tailed Weasel. Via Missouri Dept. of Conservation

10:11 a.m. Brown and tan with a light yellow underbelly, a ferret rummaged in a Klopp Lake trash can. No one being around, it didn’t look like it was anyone’s pet. It sounds like it might have been a Long-Tailed Weasel though, of the normal Marsh-going type.

• Tuesday, June 22 7:21 p.m. A woman suspected her ex-husband of sit-stalking her when she found a chair outside her home surrounded by his preferred brands of cigarettes and drinks.


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