• Tuesday, November 6 Three grade school-age children walked along Stewart Avenue with a boom box blaring racial slurs.
7 p.m. A behoodied man with issues strode up and down Alliance Road at 27th Street, yell-yammering at passersby.
• Wednesday, November 7 1:48 a.m. A man on Sunset Avenue carried on the yammerelling tradition.
2:06 a.m. Coupla yammerdandies at the Intermodal Transit Facility honed their yelling acumen.
9:33 a.m. Mere yellammering wasn’t sufficient for an angry action figure at the Old Creamery, nor were the dingy, semi-composted garments favored by your standard-issue shambolic shoutabouts. Clad in a dazzling ensemble of green shorts over blue jeans, with a mismatching red vest and blue jacket, the dapper scrapper unleashed his garish furies on a car in the parking lot, his fearsome foot denting the rear passenger-side quarter panel as never before. He was arrested.
5:58 p.m. A she-shouter, racist imbecile variety, yelled slurs at a person of color at the transit center, her howled hate-blasts bouncing ineffectually off his noise-canceling headphones. She and her ill-considered crushed-velvet purple smock, brown sweatpants and red cat-tail, it says here, were soon en route to the Pink House on a drug charge.
• Thursday, November 8:32 a.m. The city is trying with all its might and main to keep Carlson Park from turning into the kind of chronic crapped-up camper hellhole that the non-contributors have succeeded in transforming other parks into. But one tent camper along the river bar didn’t get the memo, setting up his shelter and furnishing the area with all the usual garbage we’ve come to know and loathe. He was moved along.
8:50 a.m. A Buttermilk Lane resident left her wallet with cash, Social Security card and credit cards in her car, and an opportunivore readily accepted the donation, stealing everything.
5:19 p.m. Still another betailed fashion tragedy behaved badly in Valley West, grabbing at a woman’s phone, trying to hit her and then scampering away to the field in which free-range fusspots dwell. The assailant wore a rag with sunflowers, a burgundy crop top with long sleeves and some sort of faux animal tail pinned to her pants.
• Friday, November 9 12:51 p.m. A man in white pants and carrying a water bottle asked to try out a vintage red Univega three-seat bicycle with chrome accents that was for sale on Alliance Road, then rode off, never to be seen again.
• Saturday, November 10 3:07 p.m. An urban backpacker at a Uniontown supermarket loaded up his knapsack with multiple items, including dog food. He toddled off in his black hoodie, pirate hat and combat boots to assimilate his loot behind a nearby pet store, where the grocery brigand was arrested.
3:16 p.m. An Alliance Road woman called an ambulance over excessive water retention.
6:07 p.m. Multiple small arguments broke out on the Plaza, with one of the disputants apparently wearing a baseball cap.
• Sunday, November 11 2:05 a.m. A man strolling along Tavern Row happened upon a black and white Excalibur 8 bicycle secured with a U-lock, and it looked familiar. That was because the bike was his, and had been stolen with the theft reported to HSU Police. He phoned APD and stood by.
11:41 a.m. A churchgoer on 11th Street threatened bodily harm against others, and kept going away and coming back.
• Tuesday, November 13 3:14 p.m. A pair of sketchazoids went door to door at Antoine Avenue and Antoinette Court, claiming to be PG&E employees and demanding that residents pay imaginary fines.
• Wednesday, November 14 6:49 a.m. A dour drugling discovered the rich harassment potential of drive-thru line at a Valley West golden arches, where hungry drivers queue up for steaming McGriddles as lunatics juke and jive about their vehicles. The alpha oddball on duty this morning, his meager judgment further diminished by trendy chemical amusement aid, alternately barked burly blither-blatherings at the breakfast-seekers while trying their car doorhandles.
11:53 a.m. It probably wasn’t the camouflage garments alone that aroused suspicions about the he-she duo on Bayside Road, nor was it necessarily the green Nissan Altima with no windshield. Mostly it was the way they followed a delivery truck around and rifled through dumpsters while packages were being dropped off that made the driver suspect that they were going to pluck the boxes from area porches when he left. The putative porch pirates were advised not to trespass around there n’more.
12:57 p.m. A man on E Street spoke compellingly of a woman who had purchased a watermelon a year ago, which now “tastes rotten.” This sprightly conversation, for some reason not yelled, was punctuated by his other urgent labors – the Sisy-fece-ian digging up of dogshit and then covering it back up with dirt over and over.
2:22 p.m. A man leaving a state university located on L.K. Wood Boulevard was halted in his vehicle by a woman who stopped in front of him, got out of her car and yelled at him. She then continued driving, but stopped again for another bout of obscenity-screaming, including a rather pointed statement and question: “I’m a nurse,” she declared. “Who do you think you are?”
• Thursday, November 15 8:37 a.m. From Buttermilk Lane to Crescent Way, people’s mail fluttered in the breeze, strewn across the landscape.
9:37 a.m. More dog waste-based drama as one Lewis Avenue resident banged on another’s front door, screaming about poochie poos on her property. The caller was advised to put her firearms away.
9:39 a.m. A Lewis Avenue resident complained of a neighbor leaving dog hair in her yard, which required cleanup.
9:47 a.m. Mailboxes along Golf Course Road were meddled with during the night.
6:17 p.m. An 11th Street resident fell for the PG&E scam, giving the faux representatives the household’s account information.
• Saturday, November 17 9:03 a.m. A Valley West motel employee cleaned out the cash drawer of $286, walked off the job and wasn’t heard from again.
10:51 a.m. A pair of pit bulls from the Beverly Way/Wiley Court area joined forces to swashbuckle, invade yards and terrorize less toothsome pets.