• Tuesday, February 26 6:21 a.m. A man who had to leave his Arcata home in a hurry wound up in a Los Angeles hospital. He was worried that his roommate would mine his unsecured valuables and maybe even use his birth certificate for purposes of evil.
2:51 p.m. A man in the police department lobby tried to draw out office staff from behind the protective glass, stating that “I wish to speak to you one on one.” Told that the office personnel wouldn’t do a personal encounter with him in the lobby, he plugged his ears.
• Thursday, February 28 12:55 a.m. A disenchanted girlfriend conjured a range of torments for her unsatisfactory boyf. These included breaking his TV and attempting to steal his dog.
• Friday, March 1 8:01 p.m. A woman in a camouflage sweater foolishly defeated the stealth properties of her fashionable garment by striding back and forth between a low-budget motel and a nearby golden arches, “screaming at the top of her lungs.”
• Sunday, March 3 2:45 a.m. All a Bayside Road resident did was ask the three drunks bellowing at each other in the fire lane outside to quiet down. Rather than do so, the drunken grumplings challenged him to a fight.
• Monday, March 4 2:09 p.m. An Alliance Road resident said someone sprayed weed killer on his grass, killing off half his lawn.
• Thursday, March 7 11:31 a.m. A signholder at Samoa Boulevard and H Street held up a sign that read, “CEREAL KILLER.” As if the lame pun wasn’t annoying enough, he continued to push the “WALK” button at the crosswalk so that traffic had to stop and better savor his cardboard-borne wordplay.
2:13 p.m. On Baldwin Street, the brown and white goats were back again.
3:40 p.m. Someone walked in on a woman at an Eighth Street dance studio as she injected an unknown substance into her arm.
• Saturday, March 9 4:16 p.m. As a woman drove under the 11th Street overpass on U.S. Highway 101, someone tossed a glass salsa container overboard, striking her car.
11:15 p.m. An I Streeter called in about a loud party “at the usual house.”
• Sunday, March 10 6:28 p.m. Asked to leave an H Street store after arguing with staff, a man instead rolled around on the floor, damaging things.
• Monday, March 11 12:38 a.m. To a man on H Street who demanded that someone but him cigarettes, the refusal was fightin’ words.
9:03 a.m. A man wearing a hoodie and shorts, with a gray beard, walked up behind a woman at Sunset Avenue and Jay Street and grabbed her behind.
9:53 p.m. A woman on E Street reported having been assaulted with a pipe. She had multiple abrasions and bumps on her head, plus fresh bite marks on her shoulder.
9:57 p.m. A woman at City Hall had a knot on her head and was bleeding from the face.
• Tuesday, March 12 1:08 a.m. A Union Street resident was reported “yelling and stomping.”