• Thursday, August 25 11:47 p.m. At Carls, Jr., you’ve got friends, went the slogan. But it apparently didn’t apply to the friendless fusspot who locked himself in the bathroom. Unless he and the porcelain fixtures have something special going on.
• Saturday, August 27 1:49 a.m. A black Jaguar drove recklessly in the Sunset Avenue/Wilson Street area. An hour or two later, someone notified police.
8:21 a.m. Without Guitar Dan around any more to offer a wake-up tune on his all-weather axe, a guy in a sleeping bag out at the Breakfast Club clearing slept in.
12:38 p.m. Someone was concerned about the shoeless children who live in an RV parked on Eighth Street, in that there is no running water there for routine DHMO dosings.
1:12 p.m. PG&E phone scams are now verging into meatspace, with two faux utility reps at 18th and H streets asking for personal information from residents.
1:45 p.m. A man’s camouflage ensemble was as comprehensive as it was ineffectual in concealing his presence at an I Street store. Resplendent in camo jacket, pants, backpack and impishly non sequitur gray shirt, he warmed to the occasion with a palate-cleansing argument with employees, then doubled down on snittiness by locking himself in the store bathroom. The stealthy snitster subsequently emerged in triumph to linger surlily in the parking lot amid asphalt, vehicles, lampposts, sacks of organic soil and signholding panhandlers, where he was ill-served by the jungle foliage printed on his garments. Or maybe the blaring neon gray shirt was a giveaway. He was advised against trespassing at the site.
2:11 p.m. Four individuals plugging their cellular-style telephones into the electric car recharging station near Veterans Park were asked to move along.
• Tuesday, August 30 12:28 p.m. A Valley West woman rather brusquely reported the theft of a phonebook, the diabolical heist having occurred 10 minutes previous. She was asked where an officer could meet with her for more details on the theft of this rare, hard-to-find item, but she said she wouldn’t meet with any officers and just wanted her prized phonebook back. Told that a police person would have to talk to her to get more info for the case, she hung up, possibly to pursue vigilante phonebook justice.
1:50 p.m. Three citizens reported scam calls from fake “IRS” officials, all of the calls coming from a 646 prefix.
3:22 p.m. Another person who got a faux IRS approach gave the scammers their address and even took out a money order for them … but didn’t send it. Instead they went to the police station, where they learned the bad news and the good news.
3:35 p.m. Someone left a bike locked on Ninth Street overnight and expected it to still be there the next day.
9:35 p.m. Someone locked his, her, their or itself/selves inside an Eye Street tool shed, staunchly refusing to leave in some sort of nascent Occupy Shed movement. But when police arrived, the occupier(s) had fled the shed.
2:10 p.m. Two persons described as “transients” (as though there’s anyone who isn’t?) were said to be choking an 8-year-old who was bleeding from the lip on Eighth Street.
10:37 p.m. More shed woes cropped up on Pinto Circle, where unusual noises indicated someone rummaging through one. Police found no shed-terlopers there.
• Wednesday, August 31 7:24 a.m. A man with a blue shirt and green hat screamed himself red in the face with profane purple prose at Alliance Road passersby. For this he went to the Pink House.
10 a.m. No you didn’t send $1,000 to someone on Craigslist who said they had a house to rent and would mail you the housekeys … oh wait, you did. And they didn’t.
10:38 a.m. There’s no law against staggering around town clutching a red milk crate and yelling unintelligibly at whatever enters your field of view … yet. Especially since that basically describes a significant percentage of Arcata’s free-range adult males. But throwing a vodka bottle in bushes at Seventh and I streets, now that’s the kind of maneuver a drunk in need of tanking might make. And so it was done.
1:48 p.m. A shopping cart thief slowly clattered his way from a dollar store to a nearby restaurant, then somehow eluded authorities.
3:30 p.m. A drunken woman pushing a gray and red baby stroller screamed and kicked at the door of a Valley West golden arches, leaving some trash on the floor. She further pursued her kicking career out in the parking lot, venting perceptible alcohol fumes as she applied her mighty foot to random objects.
• Thursday, September 1 8:23 a.m. A high school girl on a bike collided with a car at Foster Avenue and Alliance Road. Though she said she was OK and pedaled away, witnesses were concerned that she may have been injured.
10:23 a.m. A Hallen Drive resident reported that some people had been living in her apartment for a few months, but due to a “language barrier,” she doesn’t know who they are.
10:24 a.m. An F Street resident said he was being blamed for fires around town, but he knows who really started them.