• Tuesday, December 27 12:03 p.m. As part of a little contagion-transfer festival at the transit center, a trio of liquid-luncheoning men circulated a can of Red Bull and a thermos containing an alcoholic elixir of some sort. Spirits were as high as the pathogen vectors up until one of the three merrymakers “vomited all over,” always an untimely, buzzkillian faux pas. Things went downhill from there as some special someone – the vomiteer or one of his alcoholyte associates – was arrested for public drunkenness.
12:54 p.m. As a man and woman argued on Janes Road, another man driving a truck pulled over to assist the woman. The Good Samaritan was then reportedly pulled from the vehicle by the man, and assaulted. At some point, he drove off and the warring couple separated.
1 p.m. A man dressed all in black stood near a tree at 14th and K streets, waving a large knife around.
11:51 p.m. A man who’d broken into an L.K. Wood Boulevard woman’s home was found hiding under her roommate’s bed. When confronted, he darted out the door but remained in the area for a time.
• Wednesday, December 28 3:14 a.m. A man using the semi-indestructible courtesy phone outside the cop shop spoke nonsensically about two bald guys following him around.
11:49 a.m. A woman filled out a credit application in the bathroom of a Valley West golden arches, as one does, only to somehow lose the form. It was then found by a stranger and returned to her along with some credit cards that had been opened in her name.
1:05 p.m. A man at the Arcata Branch Library deputized himself as the Bathroom Sheriff, lingering there and arguing with others who longed only to relieve themselves without strife. The toilet-loiterer was duly stripped of his command and moved along.
8:28 p.m. A woman carrying a large green bag showed up at an Old Arcata Road front door, asking if the resident had any bicycles to sell.
• Thursday, December 29 8:16 a.m. For a 12th Street woman, it was time to head out to work. But for two men in an old blue SUV who pulled up near her house, it was time to get out the glass pipe and start chugging away.
11:12 a.m. A pit bull locked inside a car at the marsh made a mission out of escaping. It managed to rip out trim around the window, which it had pushed down a little bit.
• Friday, December 30 1:49 a.m. “Get off me!” yelled a woman from the darkness of Alliance Road. A man yelled back unintelligibly.
4:52 a.m. A shoplifter made off with Red Bull and pastries from a Uniontown supermarket.
9:57 p.m. A loud band blasted from an Old Arcata Road warehouse.
• New Year's Eve 1:01 a.m. In what turned out to be an unfounded report, a man reported being held hostage in the back of a tractor-trailer rig on Valley West Boulevard. His captor, he said, was his own father, who was suicidal and outside the rig breaking things. But police found the sitch not as described.
7:34 a.m. The contents of a Valley West restaurant’s dumpster were set ablaze the previous night.
10:43 a.m. Someone keeps calling a South G Street woman asking for clothing.
11:44 a.m. Yet another black-clad man, this one topped with a White Sox hat, was aggressive in his requests that Farmers’ Market vendors trade their goods for pot and LSD. Unsuccessful, he hung out at the McKinley statue’s feet until an officer came and moved him along.
1:03 p.m. A man at a downtown gas station reported his girlfriend dehydrated and cramping up badly. She could be heard in the background saying, “Help me.” An ambulance was summoned to the scene.
1:38 p.m. A driver in a car with dealer plates plowed into Bayside Park Farm’s fence. In slurred speech, she explained that she was “really tired,” then threw the car in reverse, backed up and drove away northbound on Old Arcata Road.
4:47 p.m. A man with shoulder-length blonde hair, a green long-sleeved shirt and tan pants exposed himself to a family near the Marsh Interpretive Center.
5:35 p.m. Credit cards from a purse stolen in Trinidad were being used at gas stations in Arcata.
10:26 p.m. New Year’s Eve calls for service reflected the evening’s general non-frenzy, with a traveler reported sleeping on a 14th Street porch.
• New Year’s Day 12:05 a.m. A woman passed out drunk near the downtown fire station.
7:54 a.m. A Valley West motel was unattended, with no employees in sight and irate guests walking around behind the counter in the lobby. Customer service at the corporate office was called, and personnel there tried to make contact with the person responsible for the motel, but were unsuccessful.
• Monday, January 2 10:08 a.m. If the person who left a wallet and iPod in an unlocked car on East 14th Street was plotting a way to file a theft report, they were spectacularly successful.
11:52 a.m. A woman turned up at the hospital wishing to “turn herself in” for embezzlement.
12:30 p.m. A man in the Emergency Room claimed he’d been kidnapped in Stockton two weeks previous, then released here.
1:44 p.m. A man riding a bicycle at 11th and L streets somehow carried a bag of recyclables in one hand and a hunk of a wrought iron fence in the other.
3:15 p.m. A man afflicted with autism and schizophrenia was said to have flooded his home with water.
3:37 p.m. Two men of a certain age – certainly old enough to know better – hung out on a bench behind the transit center with multiple backpacks, property and trash strewn about. From this unkempt base of operations they conducted two-pronged passerby outreach, offering harassment and cannabis for sale.
5:49 p.m. An Olsen Court resident had noticed a large man he didn’t know looking at his house a few days ago. This day, the man was back, ringing the doorbell. But he walked away before the resident could get to the door.
7:03 p.m. Someone called saying that an L.K. Wood Boulevard resident was in the hospital, and the housesitter wasn’t feeding the cat or even letting it inside.
7:27 p.m. A man with red hair, green shirt and blue jeans was reported camping on a bench inside a Valley West supermarket.
8 p.m. A man with long blonde hair, a camouflage jacket and blue jeans refused to leave a Valley West golden arches, and was arrested on a public drunkenness charge.
8:51 p.m. An L.K. Wood resident reported that a neighbor was harassing him, and may have stolen his cat.
10:23 p.m. A woman previously banished from a Valley West gas station screamed and threw things there. Then, having meted out vengeance, hit the emergency pump shutoff and stalked away.
11:01 p.m. A Valley West motel lodger’s alcohol withdrawal was so severe that he needed an ambulance.
• Tuesday, January 3 2:17 a.m. A woman reported purchasing a gold Toyota Camry from two people in the parking lot of a Valley West burger joint. But the deal hit a snag when the two sellers – a man and a woman with two large dogs – refused to move away from the vehicle.
7:01 a.m. A woman at a Valley West golden arches said she was being chased and needed to be somewhere safe. Fifteen minutes later, a person with a stolen car was arrested there.
10:11 a.m. An unwary traveler’s property, left defenseless in a car parked at a Valley West motel, was smash and grabbed, per routine.
11:17 a.m. A mysterious man left a black box inside a Janes Road business, then took off southbound. This forced an employee evacuation, with workers huddled in a breezeway for a time.
11:38 a.m. Oh, to be present on that glorious day when a scarf ’n’ scrammer who eats and runs without paying gets clapped in irons by a passing cop outside a Plaza restaurant which is plagued by this innkeeper-defrauding activity.
2:54 p.m. A man said he rented a Valley West motel room, and that night had a fight with his girlfriend, then left. On returning the next day, he found the room trashed and the woman missing. She texted him that she had invited some “other people” into the room.
• Wednesday, January 4 7:31 a.m. Someone broke a window on a city vehicle and stole the car battery near the Community Center.
9:32 a.m. A city box trailer was disassembled and placed on blocks near that selfsame Community Center.
11:54 a.m. A curly-haired man crouched insistently between gas pumps at an Alliance Road mini-mart. He didn’t respond when asked to cease his crouch-quest, so police came and arrested him.
12:54 p.m. Just down the road, yet another crouchiform crackpot squatted about, peering into a mud puddle, climbing a utility pole and babbling nonsensically. He too was arrested, and may have struck up a friendship with his fellow crouching enthusiast in the Pink House.
7:51 p.m. A bearded man in a camo jacket was easily observed beating on the windows of a silver sedan with someone inside parked on Ariel Way, and taking pictures of it.
10:51 p.m. A man in a fur coat stole four bags of candy from a Uniontown store, then raced away southbound on F Street, his progress aided by an aerodynamically optimized backwards baseball cap.
• Friday, January 6 7:59 a.m. The third car burglary in a week posed an extra challenge for an Antoinette Court resident. Her car windows were iced over, so she couldn’t tell whether there was anyone still lurking inside. She asked an officer to come out and check, and her concern was determined to be unfounded.
9:38 a.m. Someone fell for the Craigslist scam in which a check is sent a seller for far more (in this case, about $1,550) than the purchase price of an item (about $350), with the cash balance (about $1,200) to be sent back to the buyer. Once the cash is sent, the check bounces and the seller is out everything – even the item.
1:53 p.m. A citizen reported asking a mentally ill person was both off his medication and possibly on illegal drugs why he left the stove burner on. This led to an argument and concern for the man’s well-being.
3:39 p.m. There were so many off-leash dogs near the Redwood Park playset that a person with a service dog wasn’t able to get out of her car.
3:58 p.m. Some at the Community Center reported a man threatening to kill him with magic.
7:17 p.m. Two lowbrow-loaded cars illegally parked out at the marsh I Street parking lot after dark. With loud music booming, the occupants chugged nitrous oxide and threw the spent metal tanklets out the window onto the ground at the wildlife sanctuary. By day it probably looks like the drones flying around out there laid eggs.
• Saturday, January 7 3:08 a.m. An ample fellow in an attention-getting camo jacket loaded up on beer and other life essentials at a Uniontown store, then waddled over to a nearby restaurant to engorge himself. And there he was arrested.
11:21 a.m. A facially-hairy man on a bike clutched bolt cutters as he rode around in an I Street parking lot, peering into vehicles.
2:26 p.m. A man at the marsh was seen climbing a tree while holding a baby, which was wrapped in blue and crying.
4:28 p.m. A woman pushing a shopping cart around Valley West paused to “dig around” in someone’s fuse box with a pair of plyers, because hobbies.
• Sunday, January 8 3:57 a.m. During prime time for Arcata’s armies of nocturnal doorhandle-tryers, a Union Street woman listened as her doorknob jiggled intermittently through the night.
8:22 a.m. A valley West worker reported a customer bringing “inappropriate gifts” over the past few days.
9:35 a.m. Campers blocked off the entrance to a Valley West preschool with a tarpaulin, under which they made a rude camp.
3:08 p.m. An illegal campsite, surrounded by the requisite trash, popped up near a Bayside Road lodge.
7:40 p.m. Yet another camouflage-panted shoplifter helped himself to deli items at a Uniontown store and strode out, not payin’.
10:20 p.m. A woman outside the police station babbled nonsensically about her experience at a nearby store, repeatedly picking up and slamming down the poor phone while claiming that she’s a police detective and saying that a man had struck her 19 times before being arrested.
• Monday, January 9 6:59 a.m. A drunk pestered police with nonsense calls, the latest being a report that two dead women are no longer dead, and that the four police officers in his garage were refusing to help with the awkward resurrection imbroglio. He was arrested.
11 a.m. Burglars cut through an Aldergrove-area fence and both stole and vandalized property.
12:12 p.m. Two Ericson Way trucks were broken into over the weekend, the suspects being campers parked across the street.
3:22 p.m. Mail and packages are disappearing from Mack Road doorsteps.
7:41 p.m. A woman said a Valley West store employee grabbed her by the arm and dragged her into the office, leaving bruises up and down her arm.
8:07 p.m. “I want to get out!” cried a woman’s voice a woman’s voice from within a curtained vehicle parked on California Avenue.
12:02 p.m. A woman smoking and vomiting behind a Valley West building was asked to move along.