• Saturday, April 21 12:58 p.m. Underage drinking reported at a Valley West no-budget motel led police to a room with two juveniles. Calls to parents in Cottonwood and Redding ensued.
9:04 p.m. A reserve police officer from out of the area reported hearing a gunshot on Janes Road and feeling a bullet whiz past overhead.
• Sunday, April 22 7:27 a.m. Another wallet was found on the Plaza, and turned in.
3:21 p.m. A duncical dope dealer was reported selling hash to passersby on the pedestrian overpass. He was arrested.
6:57 p.m. A woman got a text saying, “What do we do with the bodies now that they are dead?” She’ll be blocking that sender.
• Monday, April 23 8:59 a.m. Burglars broke a lock on an Eighth Street shed and stole spray paint. In its place they left a flashlight and cigarette butts.
9:52 a.m. Parking in a Sunset Avenue red zone earned one convenience-driven motorist a special citation.
11:58 a.m. Other than the multiple broken-down vehicles littering the area around a house at Hilfiker and Alliance Road, it’s a model home, expect for dopey stench emanating from it, and not counting all the nighttime traffic coming and going. And never mind the shotgun blasts on successive nights.
2:20 p.m. Marquee letters valued at more than $1,000 were stolen from a G Street theatre lounge.
3:46 p.m. A woman reported that her son had posted a photo of himself on Facebook with his arms carved up and bleeding. Police found the boy lucid and cooperative, and his arm-carvings “artsy and superficial.” He didn’t seem crazy and wasn’t interested in seriously harming himself.
5:17 p.m. After an Occupy 27th and Q streets moo-in by seven calves, police deployed to the scene. But the movement quickly dissolved into docility, and the calf contingent wandered back into the feedlot for eventual dismantlement.
6:30 p.m. A mother called from a Valley West motel, saying that her son had been drinking and bleeding from the rectum. Police verified the former condition, but other than that he seemed OK.
7:14 p.m. Medical aid was dispatched to assist the distressed son, but this time he was at a downtown hotel.
8:56 p.m. An ex-husband told the former wife’s daughter that she was going to “die in a ditch,” and he would be the one who put her there. But on interviewing the daughter, she said the parents were “blowing it all out of proportion.”
11:32 p.m. A teenage mountain lion with a dog in its jaws was spotted near the Spear Avenue roundabout.
• Tuesday, April 24 9:35 a.m. Someone pooped on a Ninth Street holistic health center.
10:46 a.m. After evicting a Diamond Drive tenant, a maintenance worker discovered the inevitable cannabis grow. Police found the house vacant but littered with personal items. The grow was located in a homemade room, just 10 small plants and perfectly legal as far as the City of Arcata was concerned.
1:45 p.m. The old ex-boyfriend-constantly-driving-by-the-house problem.
2:16 p.m. A woman is constantly pestered by a caller who wants her to send $800 to claim her certainly non-existent prize. She was told not to engage the scammer, which only encourages him.
7:29 p.m. A person who thought someone was trying to control his thoughts through the TV was deemed sufficiently unwell enough to be institutionalized.
• Wednesday, April 25 11:09 a.m. “I have no hope. Goodbye,” said a friend to a friend. But it turned out that the hopeless person was already in a mental health facility.
3:33 p.m. A Boyd Road resident got a big bonus box o’ pot in the mail from an unknown benefactor whose return address couldn’t be read.
4:50 p.m. Not since Occupy Arcata had so much drunken profanity been heard on City Hall’s front lawn. But these practitioners lacked the justifying semblance of a political overlay, and one was arrested on a public drunkenness charge.
7:06 p.m. A man left a jacket with a $5 pendant in it on the Plaza, and he became convinced that a woman had snabbed it. She said she didn’t, and a consensual search confirmed this.
8:08 p.m. A man took a bottle of gin from a Uniontown store, a $47.99 loss.
• Thursday, April 26 7:21 a.m. An Alliance Road downstairs resident argued with the upstairs neighbor about her kids doing gymnastics.
1:14 p.m. A “completely naked” woman in the street at Grant Avenue and Wilson Street wasn’t very conversational, declining comment when a passerby asked if she was OK.
3:43 p.m. As a little cute leashed dog walked with its human past an 11th Street house, a big mean unleashed dog rocketed out the front door and attacked it.
6:03 p.m. An Alliance Road woman is “creeped out” by her neighbor’s staring, but it isn’t illegal.
The thundering drums and the bass
Sent rockin’ vibes out into space
And homes of the neighbors
Whose ears were belabored
Cops helped restore peace to the place
7:18 p.m. A dad who got his baby back after a visitation with the mom wanted an officer to verify that the infant’s baby bottle smelled like urine. The officer thought it smelled more like old apple juice. The father then asked that it be documented that the baby’s clothes smelled like mildew.
7:41 p.m. The registered owner of a vehicle found partly stripped said she sold it a few months ago to someone named Michael who lives somewhere in Arcata, but that’s all she knows about him. She was advised to go to the DMV to do a release of liability.
8:12 p.m. A woman came to the police station to report “some kid somewhere downtown who has a bunch of hits of acid.”
• Saturday, April 28 10:31 a.m. A woman’s wallet was stolen from an unlocked locker at a Community Park Way health club.
11:02 a.m. When a big green school bus labeled “FUTURE” pulled up at the respectable Valley West hotel, it disgorged human and canine contents which immediately set about trampling and pooping upon the flowers. At police urging, the tribe picked up its droppings and trundled away.
• Sunday, April 29 11:06 a.m. A man demonstrating his motorcycle-piloting prowess with a friend’s off-road bike at a Valley West storage yard “revved” the engine, but let the clutch slip into gear. At this point, the off-road vehicle became a through-window vehicle, zooming off unpiloted and crashing through the sliding glass door of the business’s office. The chagrinned lad offered to pay for the damage.
12:13 p.m. A youth heard talking about death and people stealing his soul was armed with a BB gun, and all things considered, he was thought to be safer in a mental health facility.
12:57 p.m. A shoplifter in Valley West had a shaved head with accessory Mohawk, and rode a pink, tiger-striped bicycle.
6:15 p.m. A shaven-headed man in a puffy jacket bleated, cavilled and obstreperously carried on rather more than is necessary even on the Plaza, earning a public drunkenness arrest.
• Monday, April 30 12:46 p.m. The concealment powers of a bicyclist’s camouflage pants were undermined by his purple sweatshirt and red hood, but his most attention-getting maneuver was to threaten to stab a man in blue overalls who had threatend to stab a woman who has been looking into vehicles on Giuntoli Lane.