A Multi-Story Nug-Stuffed Animal – June 21, 2011

• Thursday, May 12 9:50 p.m. A Charles Avenue resident went out to her car and found herself targeted with a fusillade of thrown rocks. She wasn’t hit, but withdrew back to the house, shaken and crying. Police arrived and found rocks in the street and near the house. Extra patrols were established.

9:52 p.m. Another howlsome hobbyist, this one with something written on his face, yelled in a Uniontown parking lot until warned away.

• Friday, May 13 11:12 a.m. A woman reported that a self-described “truancy officer” had come to her home this morning, but that she had called the schools her children go to, and they don’t employ any such person.

12:01 p.m. “You’re a dead man,” said the voice on the phone. That restraining order doesn’t seem to be going so well.

1:12 p.m. A bomb threat phoned in to the high school was quickly traced to Bradford, Vermont, where a cell tower had been pinged. A case was opened for the suspect.

4:42 p.m. Late during the previous night, a 14th Street resident got up for a drink of water and encountered a confused woman in the living room. She was “shuffled” out the front door, and left. She said the door had been open and she thought it was her house.

• Saturday, May 14 3 a.m. A Hilfiker Drive house previously englurped with egg albumen was now besplattified by paintballs, all the harassment supposedly perpetrated by the same dudes.

• Sunday, May 15 12:45 a.m. A red-bearded man in a baseball cap punched his dog in the face on 10th Street.

3:29 p.m. A rotund man threw things around in a hospital waiting room and then tried to start fights with people.

4:53 p.m. A Parkland Avenue resident complained of frisbee damage to his car, with the disc flinger in denial as to his culpability.

• Monday, May 16 10:18 a.m. A Plaza businesswoman sweeping the sidewalk outside her work was approached by a man carrying some sort of plastic crate. He had nothing to say that wasn’t vulgar, angry and confrontational. And ephemeral, for then he vanished.

11:09 a.m. Like a bad penny, or more accurately a crate-accessorized buffoon, the man returned to the store to wail more verbal abuse. He stood in the doorway bleating ill-considered oaths and curses until an officer arrived. He said he had gone all volcanic because the woman had swept the sidewalk too close to him.

1:44 p.m. A mid-day boozer snatched a bottle from a Sunny Brae supermarket and scampered. On being caught a ways away, he was warned never to darken the store’s door or depredate its liquor supply again.

1:46 p.m. A Sunny Brae resident who spent $664 on a new green mountain bike left it unlocked outside his front door.

2:07 p.m. The customer who strolled in to a local shipping service was as “scattered” in her affect as her intentions were sketchy. She had a lumpy envelope she wanted mailed, and claimed it was a “stuffed animal.” An employee thought the odd parcel, which was addressed to a different person at the woman’s same address, would be better shipped inside a box. But the woman had her own story as to why it should be shipped as is. Make that stories, as she offered no less than six versions. When she left, the employee opened the package and found it loaded with cannabis.

6:15 p.m. A man was seen sitting in a car pouring beer into a coffee mug in Westwood Center. On further investigation, it turned out to be non-alcoholic near-beer.

9:04 p.m. A blue pickup truck with front-end damage and its right front wheel falling off drove more or less out West End Road, nearly striking various things in its path including a bicyclist and a witness. Police tracked it down and arrested the driver on DUI and hit-and-run charges.

• Tuesday, May 17 12:30 a.m. Two unclothed celebrants reportedly ran around 16th and G streets. Police found one streaker and escorted it back to the party at 15th and H streets, then issued a warning notice for the wingding.

2:34 a.m. A drunk hospital patient sprang from the hospital, vaulted over a fence and bolted across a field, all while naked. Police found the combative man and arrested him on a public drunkenness charge.

4:48 p.m. A father called, alleging that his six-year-old was molested by his daughter’s mother’s boyfriend.

• Wednesday, May 18 12:22 p.m. A downtown clothier observed a woman take two $50 swimsuits into a changing room and emerge without them. The manager followed her to an apartment building. There he asked her if she had something that belonged to his store, and she ignored him.

3:18 p.m. A woman left her yoga mat, bag, dance clothes and notebooks in her car in Redwood Park with the window down.

 

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