Tag Archives: Slithy Toves

Arcata Police Log: Shirtless scrappers polish poopy pavement

Arcata Police Log: Shirtless scrappers polish poopy pavement

• Monday, October 1 12:13 a.m. Two men – shirtless, in keeping with tradition – tussle-fussed in a clinch on the ground at the Ninth and H adult daycare zone, their rippling muscles helping scour the pavement of its seething slurry of slouchabout sluffings even while polishing the translucent dogshit sheen that enshrouds the vicinity.

Arcata Police Log: Volcanic vituperation befouls the burg

• Wednesday, August 15 9:06 p.m. Yelled obscenities were punctuated with door slams for emphasis on war-torn lower E Street. 9:15 p.m. Volleys of vituperation issued from a pink-shirted man whose pulpit was the center of Janes Road. 11:30 p.m. A McCallum Circle resident complained of the neighbor’s continual display of his middle finger, a

Arcata Police Log: Ninja infestation drives man to drink; wanker introduced to pavement

• Friday, July 13 4:27 a.m. A woman on Upper Bay Road said that as she opened the front door to her house, some sort of slithy tove opened the trunk of her car and slithered inside. 11:20 a.m. A Ribeiro Lane resident said someone used her credit card to buy a $500 vacuum and

Arcata Police Log: Mere walls will never contain the majesty of rock

• Thursday, December 14 3:21 a.m. A gent who looked to be pushing 60 attained total, if short-lived dominance over the little island of vending machines outside the hospital ER. Woe betide any passersby who unwittingly roved into his alcohol-hazed sphere of effluence, as they suddenly found themselves pelted with nonsensical hostility. A police officer

Arcata Police Log: Photon-gathering technique addressed with threats

• Monday, October 23 4:56 a.m. I know, let’s open the windows, turn the TV volume up and talk loudly over it. 5:48 a.m. If the shoplifter at a Uniontown shopping center goes to hell with a handbasket, it will be full of the groceries he stole. He was last seen hellbound on a “bicycle

Arcata Police Log: Meet Captain Disreputable, Sketchy McFreakshow and Peace Through Donuts

• Tuesday, May 16 6:43 p.m. At least a gallon of diesel fuel flowed down a storm drain at Old Arcata Road and Noga Lane. 6:51 p.m. The guy who lives under the tree in the hardscrabble lot near 12th and I streets hadn’t moved all day and almost seemed kinda corpsey, but evidently wasn’t.

Arcata Police Log: Halitosis ray beamed at hapless passersby

• Tuesday, May 9 12:04 p.m. The person who lives upstairs has taken to strolling through the downstairs resident’s kitchen and yelling at them while en route. Fed up with the traveling tirade, the downstairsian called police. 4:34 p.m. A passerby screamer-at took his duties seriously as he strolled loudly down G Street toward the

Arcata Police Log: Mystery contraption’s field testing program halted before you kids put your damn eye out

• Wednesday, February 8 9:56 a.m. Someone called from Valley West to describe a phone call the day before from someone claiming to represent the Internal Revenue Service, and who related some bad news. There was a bench warrant out for him over unpaid debt, and he needed to buy a $5,100 iTunes card like