Tag Archives: Arcata Police Log

Arcata Police Log: Compromised hemoglobin in a cupcakian dystopia

Arcata Police Log: Compromised hemoglobin in a cupcakian dystopia

• Thursday, September 20 12:38 a.m. Recalcitrant bushmen camping behind a 10th Street business may have insisted on slumping their ground, but were reluctantly disentangled from the foliage womb and compelled onward. 3:58 a.m. A man all asnooze in a car with the motor idling in a  Uniontown parking lot happened upon a novel, mechanized

Arcata Police Log: Getaway watermelon cart somehow successful

• Saturday, September 15 3:33 p.m. A tree attacked a man near the Redwood Park parking lot. Using a gravity assist, it plunged earthward onto its prey and broke his leg. 4:10 p.m. A woman gave a man a mattress a long time ago, and now demanded its return. The man was worried for his

Arcata Police Log: Volcanic vituperation befouls the burg

• Wednesday, August 15 9:06 p.m. Yelled obscenities were punctuated with door slams for emphasis on war-torn lower E Street. 9:15 p.m. Volleys of vituperation issued from a pink-shirted man whose pulpit was the center of Janes Road. 11:30 p.m. A McCallum Circle resident complained of the neighbor’s continual display of his middle finger, a

Arcata Police Log: Tagged, penned, sprayed, etched, burned and peed on

• Sunday, August 12 4:51 a.m. Wee-hour thieves didn’t bother breaking into the cartop carrier on the van in a Valley West hotel’s parking lot – they just made off with the whole thing. 11:01 a.m. A woman trying room doors at a Valley West motel was expelled from the premises, whereupon she took to

Arcata Police Log: Rip-roaring Rabelasian rodomontade

• Wednesday, August 1 2:28 p.m. A curious chap with more beard than shoes and toting a plastic trash bag wandered Zehndner Avenue at R Street, peering into residential windows and cars. 2:50 p.m. Ninth and H streets hosted an expert-expert choke of smokers, lounging about on the pavement with their animal companions. 3:23 p.m.

Acata Police Log: Dumpster mined for stray stickybudnuggetry

• Sunday, July 29 8 a.m. Garden implements were weaponized when a fearsome combatant wielded a shovel during a clash of dunces at Samoa Boulevard and F Street. 10:07 a.m. A parking space dispute on Spear Avenue devolved into an argument, during which a man in an ineffective camouflage hat twice struck his adversary’s car

Arcata Police Log: Ninja infestation drives man to drink; wanker introduced to pavement

• Friday, July 13 4:27 a.m. A woman on Upper Bay Road said that as she opened the front door to her house, some sort of slithy tove opened the trunk of her car and slithered inside. 11:20 a.m. A Ribeiro Lane resident said someone used her credit card to buy a $500 vacuum and

Arcata Police Log: Stoners entranced by prancing pavement plasma

• Wednesday, April 11 2:02 p.m. A woman attempting to enter her Ninth Street business was unable to do so because of the mandatory beardo-weirdo projecting discomfort in some nearby bushes. He had a blanket over his head and motioned with his arms at her, at one point mimicking her movements. 11:21 p.m. The world

Arcata Police Log: All this shoving is pointless… I know, let’s yell instead

• April Fools’ Day 8:21 a.m. When a 13th Street man woke up with a swollen face and less money than he had when he dozed off, he accused his brother of beating and robbing him in his sleep. 1:24 p.m. An H Street beggar’s sign read “HELP,” which to him meant give me money

Arcata Police Log: It came from the hardscrabble netherworld

• Monday, March 12 5:43 a.m. A man chose the front of a bongo-beleaguered Plaza hotel to yell about having lice all over his body. 5:44 a.m. A Valley West motel guest who had let a strange woman into his room the previous night didn’t expect her to rummage through his stuff and steal his