Tag Archives: Arcata Police Log

Arcata Police Log: Traffic-wandering ways avenged by the Hula Hoop of Justice

Arcata Police Log: Traffic-wandering ways avenged by the Hula Hoop of Justice

• Wednesday, November 15 12:10 a.m. The Arcata City Council convened in a thrift store parking lot on H Street to… oh wait, that was an actual dumpster fire. • Thursday, November 16 11:41 a.m. A car on Chester Lane has been repeatedly attracting eggs of the hurled variety in recent weeks, the ceaseless albumen

Arcata Police Log: Weaponizing a defunct opossum

• Friday, November 2 2:19 a.m. What began as a promising and emotionally satisfying tirade soon collapsed into introspection and isolation when a woman phoned police all het up about some guy blasting music from his car in a G Street bank’s parking lot. When confronted, he argued and threatened her, she said. Asked by

Arcata Police Log: Gusty McFoulmouth’s hortatory halitosis

• Monday, October 15 1:37 a.m. Anyone who may have noticed the man in boots and a leather jacket worn over a hospital gown trundling down Janes Road, carrying his clothes in a bag, may have wondered about the back story. It was one fueled, shock-shockingly, by a surfeit of distilled spirits. After a noisy

Arcata Police Log: Some friend of a friend you turned out to be

• Thursday, October 4 9:48 a.m. An L.K. Wood Boulevard resident got an unsolicited package of cannabis in the mail. His aunt called police, who neutralized the menace. • Friday, October 5 9:45 a.m. A frenzied raccoon ran in circles at Appaloosa Lane and Quarter Way, alarming the populace. 11:25 a.m. Two women dressed in

Arcata Police Log: Shirtless scrappers polish poopy pavement

• Monday, October 1 12:13 a.m. Two men – shirtless, in keeping with tradition – tussle-fussed in a clinch on the ground at the Ninth and H adult daycare zone, their rippling muscles helping scour the pavement of its seething slurry of slouchabout sluffings even while polishing the translucent dogshit sheen that enshrouds the vicinity.

Arcata Police Log: Compromised hemoglobin in a cupcakian dystopia

• Thursday, September 20 12:38 a.m. Recalcitrant bushmen camping behind a 10th Street business may have insisted on slumping their ground, but were reluctantly disentangled from the foliage womb and compelled onward. 3:58 a.m. A man all asnooze in a car with the motor idling in a  Uniontown parking lot happened upon a novel, mechanized

Arcata Police Log: Getaway watermelon cart somehow successful

• Saturday, September 15 3:33 p.m. A tree attacked a man near the Redwood Park parking lot. Using a gravity assist, it plunged earthward onto its prey and broke his leg. 4:10 p.m. A woman gave a man a mattress a long time ago, and now demanded its return. The man was worried for his

Arcata Police Log: Volcanic vituperation befouls the burg

• Wednesday, August 15 9:06 p.m. Yelled obscenities were punctuated with door slams for emphasis on war-torn lower E Street. 9:15 p.m. Volleys of vituperation issued from a pink-shirted man whose pulpit was the center of Janes Road. 11:30 p.m. A McCallum Circle resident complained of the neighbor’s continual display of his middle finger, a

Arcata Police Log: Tagged, penned, sprayed, etched, burned and peed on

• Sunday, August 12 4:51 a.m. Wee-hour thieves didn’t bother breaking into the cartop carrier on the van in a Valley West hotel’s parking lot – they just made off with the whole thing. 11:01 a.m. A woman trying room doors at a Valley West motel was expelled from the premises, whereupon she took to

Arcata Police Log: Rip-roaring Rabelasian rodomontade

• Wednesday, August 1 2:28 p.m. A curious chap with more beard than shoes and toting a plastic trash bag wandered Zehndner Avenue at R Street, peering into residential windows and cars. 2:50 p.m. Ninth and H streets hosted an expert-expert choke of smokers, lounging about on the pavement with their animal companions. 3:23 p.m.