4:40 p.m. A male and female engaged in some sort of tawdry rendezvous by the romantic drainage pipe culvert between the plumbing shop and burger bar were joined by a man not noticeably clothed. The trio apparently concluded their business and scattered before police arrived, sparing anyone else the mind-scarring imagery.
1:40 p.m. A pit bull at 13th and Q streets didn’t appear to be vicious, but growled when people approached, probably out of fear and confusion. Lacking further direction and, of course, any ability to explain its origins, the orphaned animal wandered over to some mailboxes and awaited destiny’s next affront, which didn’t take long to arrive. Completing what was probably its worst day ever, not to mention one of its last, the dog was captured with a catchpole and taken to the county animal shelter.
6:27 p.m. Three young teenage hitchhikers at L.K. Wood Boulevard and 14th Street may or may not have enhanced their chances at getting a ride when one lifted his shirt and licked his nipple, then unveiled his nether nozzle. These acts apparently scattered the populace, as no one was there when police arrived.
3:22 p.m. It was kind of hard to miss the not-exactly-camouflaged man in a red jersey with a big “34” on the back, running drunkenly away from the freshly poured concrete he’d just vandalized on Samoa Boulevard near the train tracks. He was found and arrested for being composed of too many parts alcohol.
2:07 p.m. In a variation on the usual slithy tove ritual of iPod and ashtray change heists, a Samoa Boulevard business suffered gasoline theft from its vehicles, so locking gas caps were installed. So next the indefatigable tove petrol thieve-toves drilled a hole in the gas tank to drain away their precious fossilicious nectar.
• Saturday, March 13 3:24 p.m. What was reported as a “large sheet of metal” in the roadway at 18th and H streets wasn’t found. 3:29 p.m. An officer was hailed by a cab driver, who said the metal object was still in the roadway. An officer found a pipe, and removed it. 11:45 p.m.…
3:36 p.m. A man reported that while trying to sell two frogs online for $100, a woman sent him a $970 check with an Alaska address on it, and asked that he send the frogs and the change to her in Texas. The man took the check to a local bank, which confiscated it as fraudulent.
A dinnertime bongo influxion
Required police for reduction
They went to South E
And tempered the spree
9:03 p.m. A little lost goat appeared in a Brigid Lane yard. Since the animal shelter doesn’t take goats, the resident was asked to care for it until the next morning.
The City of Arcata and National Weather Service have collaborated to develop a “Lunatic Weather Map” which attempts to forecast the ebb and flow of high-maintenance crazy persons in and around Arcata.