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Cops Pass Up Chance To Sample Traffic-Stopping Breath – March 24, 2010

• Friday, February 19 5:18 a.m. An unknown man made a dramatic entrée onto the porch of a Trojan Street mobile home, waving around a two-and-a-half foot pipe with a metal ball on the end. Having wielded the worrisome man o’ war to his satisfaction, the trailer terrorizer scrambled into a ’90s vintage Dodge mommy-van not exactly befitting the image of a cudgel-swinging swashsbuckler, and roared off toward the freeway.

Bonnie Carroll: Protecting Children From The Tragedy of Ugly Custody Battles – March 16, 2010

If you suspect your child may be experiencing abuse, then make sure you are providing a safe place for your child to talk about what they are thinking and experiencing, and make sure your child knows that you will provide a reasonable and rational response to whatever they tell you (children know this through experience, so make sure to set the precedent early).

Plucky Prowlers Make Off With Unlocked Box Of Dead Cat – February 3, 2010

10:44 a.m. A 14-year-old skated on the Plaza, where his wallet fell out of his pantaloons. Three travelers – two women and a man – set upon the plopped pocketbook and immediately gutted it of any value. A gift card with $25 in remaining value was redeemed for unknown items – probably cheap crap – at a Uniontown variety store. The male of the crew flipped the emptied wallet back at the boy as his tawdry entourage exited the emporium. The lad went inside to investigate, and an employee told him that “three homeless people” had used the card.

Slithy Toves Gyre, Gimbol, Ransack, Rummage, Galumph – February 10, 2010

• Tuesday, January 5 7:37 a.m. An emotional man wept in the City Hall parking lot, complaining that he couldn’t remember the last time he slept. It seems that his girlfriend “did something” to him while he was sleeping in Crescent City, and he hasn’t been able to sleep normally or pee painlessly ever since.

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