• Monday, October 15 1:37 a.m. Anyone who may have noticed the man in boots and a leather jacket worn over a hospital gown trundling down Janes Road, carrying his clothes in a bag, may have wondered about the back story. It was one fueled, shock-shockingly, by a surfeit of distilled spirits. After a noisy bout of spittle-flecked argy-bargy with the ER personnel who were only trying to repair him, he staggered out into the night in his suave ensemble.
11:42 a.m. A two-tove team of opportunivores combed the area of 11th and K streets, peering into cars for exposed fungibles and trying doorhandles as they worked their way down the street to find the vehicle of the inevitable naif who left a tablet, phone and/or wallet inside. Bother were tallish and skinny, and bore superficial emblems of badassery: one had a cheek scar and the other a neck tat.
11:55 a.m. Today’s good citizenship tip: when a business doesn’t want to provide you with services any more, throwing rocks at their building is unlikely to provoke a change of heart.
• Tuesday, October 16 a.m. A Plaza statue was doused with an unknown liquid, giving it a two-tone green patina.
10:05 a.m. A Valley West mobile home park hasn’t yet managed to attract a hurricane, but is dealing with a blizzard of feral cats.
10:25 a.m. An entitled dog owner in the Community Forest acted assy-harassy and refused to leash his free-romping Golden Retriever.
11:57 a.m. The ignoble savages occupying the Coachman vehicle on Heindon Road weren’t the best of neighbors, what with the loose dog, the laying down in the street and pooping on the grass.
4:56 p.m. Two black-shirted males battled on Janes Road with use of bricks, their combat refereed by a woman with a bloodied face.
• Wednesday, October 17 2:46 p.m. Police were asked to issue a ruling on a difference of opinion at a Valley West motel. A woman who had rented a No Smoking room felt that having paid for the room, she ought to be able to smoke things in it. And yet the management had the brazen audacity to enforce the No Smoking status of the room by asking her to leave. Who, the woman wanted police to decide, is in the right here?
• Thursday, October 18 6:52 a.m. Two well-organized roving ripper-offers at 18th and G streets rode bikes with trellers attached, the better to haul off the possessions of others which they found in the truck beds they scrutinized and cars whose doorhandles they tried.
12:08 p.m. Someone dumped an unwanted pit bull on H Street, leaving it with a sign asking that someone call the police.
• Saturday, October 20 1:13 p.m. After a vehicle vs. bicycle collision at Ninth and I streets, the car driver tried to flee but was stopped by witnesses, The cyclist declined medical attention.
5:52 a.m. A woman left a bag containing black shoes with brown soles in her unlocked car on Eastern Avenue, and the laws of depravity soon kicked in. The bag was last seen in possession of a man lingering near Shay Park, he wearing a headlamp and riding a bicycle with pink spokes.
10:14 a.m. A camper set up a blue tent in the Sunny Brae Tract of the Arcata Community Forest, living for at least three days in a sweet spot one-fifth of a mile up the Arcata Ridge Trail off Panorama Court.
11:05 a.m. A man carrying a sleeping bag at 14th and G streets lashed passing people and vehicles with gusts of halitosis-borne verbal abuse. He eventually hove to at an area beauty salon, where he frightened customers with his bad-breath bleatings.
1:13 p.m. Two scarf ’n’ scrammers at a Plaza restaurant/tavern walked out on a $30.44 meal tab.
• Wednesday, October 24 12:19 a.m. A Ponderosa Way resident heard a noise on his roof and saw what looked like a mountain lion outside his window.
9:38 a.m. It wasn’t that the vehicle registration, perfume and hand sanitizer had any great value to anyone but the Anina Way resident who left them in an unlocked car. It was the principle of the thing – they were easily stealable, so they simply had to be added to some slithy tove’s overnight haul, with the spent remains soon to be strewn about some illegal campsite and cleaned up during another wholesome-futile volunteer cleanup event.
4:13 p.m. A woman associated with the RVs not-so-stealthily camping on South G Street let her dog run wild. The marsh area near the RV encampment reeks of poo, so that’s probably the latrine.
• Thursday, October 25 12:39 a.m. The Ponderosa Way resident reported that the mountain lion was still there.
9:04 a.m. A Courtyard Circle resident reported her home burgled on Oct. 23, with an electronic listening device planted inside.
9:28 a.m. A bald, tank-topped doorhandle-tryer expanded his portfolio of drunken skeeze by trying to enter a woman’s car when she got in with her child.
9:40 a.m. A shaven-headed man in a tank top blocked Ninth Street traffic by standing in the street and screaming. He was arrested.
11:41 a.m. Someone trying to clean up a slob camp at Carlson Park before that place goes the way of the rest of Arcata’s crap-strewn parks met with stern, even menacing resistance by a pro-garbage activist who brandished a five-inch knife and drove off in an elderly blue Corolla with a missing fender and cracked windshield.
1:28 p.m. It turns out that stashing your backpack in the bushes in the 100 block of G Street doesn’t ensure that it won’t vanish and the debit card inside won’t be used by evildoers unknown in Orick. Who knew? Well, this guy now does.
8:03 p.m. The credibility of two men asking to see an H Streeter’s PG&E bill wasn’t enhanced by their wearing cobbled-together PG&E uniforms. Riddle me this, my fine young scammer-boys: if you work for the company, what non-unsavory reason would you have for needing to see the bill issued by your own employer?
• Friday, October 26 9:49 a.m. A briefcase containing a laptop computer, jewelry and U.S. passport was conveniently left inside a car parked on O Street between 11th and 12th streets. One jimmied-down window later, the loss was estimated at $900 and a huge replacement hassle.
1:08 p.m. The solid waste disposal policy of the two RVs on Greenbriar Lane was to dump garbage onto the street.
9:41 p.m. A 12-year-old and her friend left their backpacks on a table in the Baldwin Street schoolyard while they went walking around. They, and to some extent the trusting innocence of the children, were swiftly stolen by hard-hearted thieves.
• Saturday, October 27 8:05 a.m. A man, loosely defined, somehow found something to argue about with personnel at a 1oth Street taco truck. This led to statements about harming them, culminating in his “lifting his waistband” (but probably lifting his shirt to reveal his waistband) to reveal a knife. At this, the bearded one rode off on a bicycle.
• Sunday, October 28 12:04 a.m. A bloodied man with his pants down stood on the corner of 11th and G streets.
1:46 a.m. Normally placid Fifth and G street erupted in violence as a drunken man was first reported striking women and cars. A minute later, a woman was reported on the ground there, and emergency responders started heading to the scene. Two minutes later, some 20 people were reported brawling at the site.
• Monday, October 29 9:17 a.m. There being nothing else to steal from an unlocked car on Antoine Avenue, the vehicle registration was taken.
• Tuesday, October 30 10:05 a.m. A car on Valley East Boulevard surrendered its custom-made suitcase, cannabis and laptop computer. More naiveté neutralized.
12:21 p.m. Any savoir faire projected by a black-haired man’s stylish goatee and gold chain was canceled out by the cruel dragging and abuse of his dog on F Street. Asked to stop doing that, he called the woman a ^%$*&@ and threatened her.
5:23 p.m. Countless butcher paper-fueled visioning sessions, politician promises of “creative solutions” and Arcata Municipal Code ordinances later, multiple loose dogs and smokers rendered the Plaza unfriendly and unusable to others.
• Halloween 12:44 p.m. The pseudo energy solicitors on G Street were as phony as they were aggressive.
3:27 p.m. A woman in a plaid coat shot up unhealthy things into her very bloodstream in a Sunny Brae laundromat’s bathroom.
• Thursday, November 1 2:09 a.m. In an odd nocturnal ritual, four to five men on Granite Avenue howled and slugged a punching bag.
12:47 p.m. A man behind a Westwood Center beauty shop used a blowtorch to ignite whatever it was he was smoking.
8:13 p.m. Someone at Ninth and D streets noticed a mountain lion strolling westbound towards town.
9:50 p.m. “I am going to die tonight and if I don’t then it's OK I guess” was the alarming Snapchat blurt received by someone’s daughter.